3 ms·

I live in the US, so finding the "right kind" of woman is difficult. 85 percent (or more) of them are too selfish to have any long-term potential. The saying co

I live in the US, so finding the "right kind" of woman is difficult. 85 percent (or more) of them are too selfish to have any long-term potential. The saying comes to mind about how, in the US, it's very easy to find a great job and very hard to find a decent woman, as opposed to the other way around in most of the world. If I decide that getting married and having kids is a serious priority of mine, I'm probably going to spend a couple years living overseas.

ahoyhere 18y ago
Where's your supportive data?
- time_management 18y ago
  Observation only, but I'm far from the only guy who has this perception. I could be doing something utterly wrong, and if I am, I'd love to know what. I get by, right now, by being extremely selective in terms of whom I'm willing to date, which means that I spend a lot of time single.
  - acgourley 18y ago
    I think what bothers me about your comments in this thread is that you expect a large stock of "decent" women to exist. As if there were some universally acceptable type of women. It's far more complex than that. A better way to simplify it might be to say that for any given person there is probably 1% of the population (in the right age and gender group) that is suitable for a long term commitment. And it is not the same 1% for everyone. I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the perception I (and others in this thread) are getting from you is you don't want to find a soul mate, you want to find a wife to 'manage your household' or do fulfill a similar role that has little to do with being your counterpart.
    - time_management 18y ago
      I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the perception I (and others in this thread) are getting from you is you don't want to find a soul mate, you want to find a wife to 'manage your household' or do fulfill a similar role that has little to do with being your counterpart. Where do you get that idea? Maybe I'm miscommunicating drastically, but I see a world of difference between being against casual sex and wanting women to be subservient household slaves. I'm not advocating a slide back into the '50s. I'd much rather go into the future-- a future where people respect themselves and each other, and in which the sexes related as equals. However, casual sex is inherently anti-feminist.
      - acgourley 18y ago
        Okay, I must be being unfair. But at least look at my post again to understand why you're catching some flack in this thread... I believe that is one of the common lines of thought.
knowtheory 18y ago
Wow. Misogyny alert on top of inductive reasoning fail. While i, myself, am married to a wonderful Canadian, i know quite a number of wonderful American girls of a wide variety of dispositions, and even geekiness, whose relationships are not fundamentally based on selfishness. To be honest, having read through your comments on this thread, i have to question this whole endeavor. If your main concern is having a relationship just to be in a relationship and get your other "needs" out of the way of your productivity, i really pity anyone you date. My relationship w/ my wife is, at this point, no small part of my identity. It is a source for support & discussion about what i'm doing, even though my wife is in a totally different field from me (i'm a programmer with a degree in linguistics, she's a food and nutrition science student w/ a culinary degree). Likewise, i'm a source for support for her, and the puzzles or trials she's going through. Neither of us are in this relationship solely for the purpose of self-gratification. We're committed to our relationship because we genuinely like each other on a number of levels, and would like to help the other succeed. I very much believe that relationships are built on trust & mutual respect. And if you want to attract someone who is your equal, who is interested in your well-being and is interested in being around you and supporting you & your life, you've really gotta be willing to do the same.
- colins_pride 18y ago
  Misogyny is a lack of respect for all women. He has an issue with American women. There is a big difference between those two. We need to be careful when we accuse people.
  - knowtheory 18y ago
    Bullshit. He's painting all the members of a group with the same brush. The fact that this thread is entirely focused on relationships, the "Woman" component to American Woman, is the focal subject, not the American part. Also, given that he lives in America, i'm guessing that the majority of his experience (although yes, this is a leap to conclusions) is with American Women, hence, he's still making the same incorrect inductive leap from his sample. America is a big place, and i'm guessing he's not really familiar with American Women in their totality. Hence, misogyny: he's judging the entire group (negatively), based on his limited experience. Particularly, since this judgement comes w/o any actual analysis of his negative experiences upon which his claims may or may not be founded.
patrickg-zill 18y ago
The good ones do often go early, because they don't have the "issues" to begin with or have parental help to work them out. As I am married to someone not originally from the USA I would emphasize that there are societal issues you will have to deal with, but they can be worked around. Living overseas is actually a great idea in any case.
- likpok 18y ago
  No. The good ones hold out for better men. There was a HN post about it a while ago.

ahoyhere 18y ago

Where's your supportive data?

time_management 18y ago
Observation only, but I'm far from the only guy who has this perception. I could be doing something utterly wrong, and if I am, I'd love to know what. I get by, right now, by being extremely selective in terms of whom I'm willing to date, which means that I spend a lot of time single.
- acgourley 18y ago
  I think what bothers me about your comments in this thread is that you expect a large stock of "decent" women to exist. As if there were some universally acceptable type of women. It's far more complex than that. A better way to simplify it might be to say that for any given person there is probably 1% of the population (in the right age and gender group) that is suitable for a long term commitment. And it is not the same 1% for everyone. I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the perception I (and others in this thread) are getting from you is you don't want to find a soul mate, you want to find a wife to 'manage your household' or do fulfill a similar role that has little to do with being your counterpart.
  - time_management 18y ago
    I don't want to put words into your mouth, but the perception I (and others in this thread) are getting from you is you don't want to find a soul mate, you want to find a wife to 'manage your household' or do fulfill a similar role that has little to do with being your counterpart. Where do you get that idea? Maybe I'm miscommunicating drastically, but I see a world of difference between being against casual sex and wanting women to be subservient household slaves. I'm not advocating a slide back into the '50s. I'd much rather go into the future-- a future where people respect themselves and each other, and in which the sexes related as equals. However, casual sex is inherently anti-feminist.
    - acgourley 18y ago
      Okay, I must be being unfair. But at least look at my post again to understand why you're catching some flack in this thread... I believe that is one of the common lines of thought.

knowtheory 18y ago

Wow. Misogyny alert on top of inductive reasoning fail. While i, myself, am married to a wonderful Canadian, i know quite a number of wonderful American girls of a wide variety of dispositions, and even geekiness, whose relationships are not fundamentally based on selfishness. To be honest, having read through your comments on this thread, i have to question this whole endeavor. If your main concern is having a relationship just to be in a relationship and get your other "needs" out of the way of your productivity, i really pity anyone you date. My relationship w/ my wife is, at this point, no small part of my identity. It is a source for support & discussion about what i'm doing, even though my wife is in a totally different field from me (i'm a programmer with a degree in linguistics, she's a food and nutrition science student w/ a culinary degree). Likewise, i'm a source for support for her, and the puzzles or trials she's going through. Neither of us are in this relationship solely for the purpose of self-gratification. We're committed to our relationship because we genuinely like each other on a number of levels, and would like to help the other succeed. I very much believe that relationships are built on trust & mutual respect. And if you want to attract someone who is your equal, who is interested in your well-being and is interested in being around you and supporting you & your life, you've really gotta be willing to do the same.

colins_pride 18y ago
Misogyny is a lack of respect for all women. He has an issue with American women. There is a big difference between those two. We need to be careful when we accuse people.
- knowtheory 18y ago
  Bullshit. He's painting all the members of a group with the same brush. The fact that this thread is entirely focused on relationships, the "Woman" component to American Woman, is the focal subject, not the American part. Also, given that he lives in America, i'm guessing that the majority of his experience (although yes, this is a leap to conclusions) is with American Women, hence, he's still making the same incorrect inductive leap from his sample. America is a big place, and i'm guessing he's not really familiar with American Women in their totality. Hence, misogyny: he's judging the entire group (negatively), based on his limited experience. Particularly, since this judgement comes w/o any actual analysis of his negative experiences upon which his claims may or may not be founded.

patrickg-zill 18y ago

The good ones do often go early, because they don't have the "issues" to begin with or have parental help to work them out. As I am married to someone not originally from the USA I would emphasize that there are societal issues you will have to deal with, but they can be worked around. Living overseas is actually a great idea in any case.

likpok 18y ago
No. The good ones hold out for better men. There was a HN post about it a while ago.