3 ms·

My maternal grandparents are in their 90s, have been married for 68 years, and are still going strong. (Okay, so I'm proud of them.) They relate a story of how

by benhoyt 18y ago

My maternal grandparents are in their 90s, have been married for 68 years, and are still going strong. (Okay, so I'm proud of them.) They relate a story of how they were called up once by a guy doing some research on why couples stay together. My grandparents rightly noted that while people are constantly doing studies on "why marriages fail", hardly anyone ever looks at the long-lasting marriages and asks why they work. They told the researcher that theirs worked mainly because they never considered divorce an option. That's a reflection of their culture and morals, but also their desire. They expected to stay together, and they did what it took to stay together. I've only been married for 4 years, but I certainly want that for my own marriage too. (And I blow raspberries to statistics -- I was married when I was 23 and my wife 19. :-) The article had several good points. But I wonder at this: "If people are miserable together, the shrink's position is to help them separate and live happier lives apart." Why can't the shrink help them see ways to be un-miserable together?

tokenadult 18y ago
Sometimes an example can go a long way. I grew up in another state than the one my maternal grandparents lived in, but I did travel to join their sixtieth wedding anniversary celebration with most of my thirty-four cousins. That's surely helped me and my wife (whose parents have also been married six decades now) stay together for more than twenty-five years. She and I grew up in different countries, speaking different native languages and eating different foods, and have changed radically from our former selves over the years, but we are still each other's best friends.
dkarl 18y ago
Why do you assume your grandparents did something right in their marriage that divorced or unhappy couples didn't? Maybe they just happened to marry a person they were able to live happily with, for reasons they didn't understand at the time.

by benhoyt 18y ago

tokenadult 18y ago

Sometimes an example can go a long way. I grew up in another state than the one my maternal grandparents lived in, but I did travel to join their sixtieth wedding anniversary celebration with most of my thirty-four cousins. That's surely helped me and my wife (whose parents have also been married six decades now) stay together for more than twenty-five years. She and I grew up in different countries, speaking different native languages and eating different foods, and have changed radically from our former selves over the years, but we are still each other's best friends.

dkarl 18y ago

Why do you assume your grandparents did something right in their marriage that divorced or unhappy couples didn't? Maybe they just happened to marry a person they were able to live happily with, for reasons they didn't understand at the time.