tl;dr: if you're committed+supported, it's doable on a single sw engineering salary in the bay area (can't say same for other fields). there will be bumps, but

tl;dr: if you're committed+supported, it's doable on a single sw engineering salary in the bay area (can't say same for other fields). there will be bumps, but if you're both committed/open/honest then you'll find ways around all of them. situation: - moved to south bay mid-2000's w/ no family/friends in the state - single income, 3 kids (1 then), wife at home w/ kids (cheaper for her to stay home) - enterprise job with a few years of startups thrown in what worked: - co-op pre-school for kids - committed to minimizing and buying only what we couldn't do w/o - regular yard sales to help reduce and raise cash. maybe sold $500 a year? - if it's broke, fixed it or learned to live without (no clothes dryer for past 6 months, but now i find line drying therapeutic and am pretty proud of it) - most of kid's clothes were either bought used or given to us by friends - learned to maximize benefits of any service or perk, lots of awesome free weekend activities for kids out there - if we had to buy, found a way to get whatever was the absolute best for our needs. what sucked: - constantly weighing detriment vs benefit of decisions on children (schooling, food, new toy, trip) - surprise expenses (baby, injury, etc) - co-workers w/ similar pay buying what they want when we'd have to literally look under the couch for lost cash to pay bills, or more rather the general assumption by others that money wasn't a problem - burnout - going from comfy enterprise salary to going to startup as 2nd full time engineer hire and being far too empathic to the company's financial needs rather than my own. couldn't do without: - trust all around, and trust that things would always work themselves out - full support of my wife, and her resourcefulness in problem solving - trusted nanny/friend/etc to watch kids at random times - my wife finding "mommy friends." not as much for her happiness as it was for access to a network of child-related items (clothes, bottles, shoes, toys, etc). - tracking spending like a mf'er. reviewing every receipt before leaving store. not being shy and questioning everything.