14 ms·
What is your best programmer joke?
- zalzane 14y agoI got one to contribute. Q: How do you obtain a random string? A: Put a freshman compsci student in front of a vim terminal and tell him to save and quit.
- raverbashing 14y ago"Oh, how I wish I could quit you!" First time VIM users
- pstadler 14y agoDefinitely the right answer to gpg's "Please do some other work to give the OS a chance to collect more entropy!"
- pooriaazimi 14y agoI particularly liked this one: http://www.projectcartoon.com/cartoon/1 http://www.projectcartoon.com/cartoon/1
- Bill_Dimm 14y ago"What the digg effect can do to your site." That cartoon must be pretty old...
- maeon3 14y agoWhile pair programming: "There!! It compiles!"..... SHIP IT!
- rikacomet 14y agoOnce, Chuck Norris tried to code. The world went into a loop.
- maeon3 14y agoWorking on a coding project, one programmer asks the other who wrote up these project specifications? Other programmer says: I can't tell you where the specs were designed, but be careful, the paper is still hot.
- maeon3 14y agoWhen Chuck Norris throws an exception, it’s across the room.
- KingMob 14y agoAny test for equality on ChuckNorris fails. He has no equals. Chuck Norris invented programming. Why do you think it began with punch cards? Chuck Norris never gets thread contention; threads cooperate if they want to live. If Norris doesn't like your site, he duck-punches your Javascript until it works. I attempted to kill -9 Chuck Norris and my keyboard shocked me for my impudence. Chuck Norris can write Haskell... in assembler.
- maeon3 14y agoMy program won't compile, I think I've lost one of my bits, can you help me find it? I think I dropped it on the carpet over there, it may have rolled under the desk.
- jacquesm 14y agoOne archangel to another: Hey Gabe! Come over here... someone on earth has found a bug in your physics program. Dear me, I thought I'd fixed that centuries ago. Oh well, better late than never. 'tappity, clickety, tappity'. 'make; make deploy' There, that'll do it. Another aeon, another bugfix. -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_fusion http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_fusion
- amalag 14y agoI know one about UDP, but it's ok, I don't know if you would get it.
- joshbaptiste 14y agolove that one..
- nickknw 14y agoI've heard this one phrased a bit differently: I know a joke about UDP, but you might not get it..
- samstave 14y agoI told this joke in front of an audience, in a one-man standup routine. It was titled "Multicast"
- hdra 14y agoLOL. Is this a reference to the lack of error checking and ACK in UDP?
- jacquesm 14y agoYou didn't get it!
- andyidsinga 14y agohahaahahahaha
- Laremere 14y agoI don't know if you would get it. I know one about UDP, but it's ok,
- kevando 14y agoUDP packet walks into a bar. Bartender doesn't acknowledge him.
- andyidsinga 14y ago
- microwise 14y agoTom: Get me a sandwich. Joe: No. Tom: Sudo, get me a sandwich Joe: Okay.
- JTxt 14y agohttp://xkcd.com/149/ http://xkcd.com/149/
- aristus 14y agoA programmer walks into a bar and orders 1.00000000001000000...897175 root beers. The bartender says, "I'll have to charge you extra; that's a root beer float". And the programmer says, "In that case, make it a double".
- nickknw 14y agoAs someone who just recently tangled with floating point error, that was hilarious!
- andyidsinga 14y agogood laughs!
- bentaber 14y agoHex color code jokes? Dolphin gray: #eeeeee Psycho killer gray: #fafafa
- mikeroher 14y agoI don't get it...http://hexpreview.com/fafafa(eeeeee) http://hexpreview.com/fafafa(eeeeee)
- UntitledNo4 14y agoEeeeee is the sound a dolphin makes. For the second one, please listen to Psycho Killer by The Talking Heads
- ghewgill 14y agoArchivist here. The reason this page exists is it's part of an archive of deleted Stack Overflow content: http://meta.stackoverflow.com/questions/124850/unofficial-stack-overflow-deleted-question-archive-now-available http://meta.stackoverflow.com/questions/124850/unofficial-st... The "programmer joke" and "programmer cartoon" questions were two of the most highly upvoted questions that have since been removed from the site because they aren't actually programming questions. I created this archive to attempt to preserve some of this early history of Stack Overflow.
- krapp 14y agoCompiler? I don't even know her!
- maeon3 14y agoWhen you have the attention of more than 3 passionate guru programmers, ask: "Does the curley brace go on the first line of the for loop or on the next line?" Laugh at any opinion given, calling them "silly".
- seshagiric 14y agoQ. What is the object oriented way of getting rich? A. Inheritance
- MaysonL 14y agoMultiple inheritance.
- maeon3 14y agoWhen reading/reviewing a particularly bad piece of code in front of the person who wrote it, say: If your language had true garbage collection, the compiler would have deleted this program upon execution.
- unimpressive 14y agoA hacker walks into a bar. He sits at the counter for a few minutes and the bartender walks over. He takes a look at the hacker and says "Ain't ya gonna have a drink?" The hacker looks back almost offended "Don't you know, drinking is a sin!" "ACK." Says the bartender, and he walks away.
- spodek 14y agoI don't know if it qualifies as a joke, but I loved and learned from the Tao of Programming -- http://www.canonical.org/~kragen/tao-of-programming.html http://www.canonical.org/~kragen/tao-of-programming.html. Too long to paste here, but it's stood the test of time.
- drstrangevibes 14y agoq: why cant a hacker tell the difference between halloween and christmas a: because Dec. 25 = Oct. 31
- drstrangevibes 14y agoq: why cant a hacker tell the difference between halloween and christmas a: because Dec. 25 = Oct. 31
- maeon3 14y agoProgrammer asks for some advice on what data structure to best map his family tree: 2nd Programmer says: For you I would suggest a "directed acyclic graph".
- Adrock 14y agoBut that's the right answer! How many distinct ancestors do you think you have 40 generations ago? We're all inbred by the pigeon-hole principle.
- nickknw 14y agoI had a problem, so I thought I'd use Java. Now I have a ProblemFactory.
- evincarofautumn 14y agoI believe the class you’re looking for is “ProblemFactoryManagerThreadLocalSingletonBeanAdapter”.
- nickknw 14y agoIf comics count, I think this one's pretty funny: http://www.explosm.net/comics/2083/ http://www.explosm.net/comics/2083/
- maeon3 14y agoTwo Programmers are walking along the sidewalk when both simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill on the ground between them. They begin a lively discussion of the nature of the problem, what is right? What is moral, what is just? What would people of various religions say? Should we split it? Does might make right? They spend hours discussing the fascinating problem and what should be done about it. They finally decide to settle things like the enlightened manner appropriate for civilized beings. A game a rock paper scissors. While performing the game, a Religious figure runs up, grabs the money, waves around a knife and disappears back into the crowd.
- dmvaldman 14y agoThree logicians walk into a bar... Bartender: can I get you all a drink? 1st logician: maybe 2nd logician: maybe 3rd logician: yes
- manaskarekar 14y agoComic version: http://spikedmath.com/445.html http://spikedmath.com/445.html Follow up: http://mrburkemath.blogspot.com/2011/05/coffee-logic.html http://mrburkemath.blogspot.com/2011/05/coffee-logic.html
- jcr 14y agoHumor on Hacker News? I thought I felt a disturbance in the source!
- davidw 14y agoYou can do humor on HN. It just has to be genuinely funny and original, and appropriate to the thread in question. http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=458155 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=458155
- jcr 14y agoI loved the infocom reference! And yes you're right, but people often complain about HN being a humorless void, when it simply isn't true.
- gnosis 14y agorecursive: (λ damn. damn (damn)) (λ damn. damn (damn))
- gnosis 14y agoA joke of the first order was told to a Scotchman, who was unable to see it. The person (X) who told this joke told the story of how the joke was received to another Scotchman, thereby making a joke about a joke of the first order, and thus making a joke of the second order. X remarked on this joke that no joke that no joke could penetrate the head of the Scotchman to whom the joke of the first order was told, even if it were fired into his head with a gun. The Scotchman, after severe thought, replied: "But ye couldn't do that, ye know!" X repeated the whole story, which constituted a joke of the third order, to a third Scotchman. This last Scotchman again, after prolonged thought, replied; "He had ye there!" This whole story is a joke of the fourth order. (from "The Philosophy of Mr. B-rtr-nd R-ss-ll", by Philip Jourdain)
- gnosis 14y agoHow do you tell an extraverted programmer from an introverted one? An extraverted programmer stares at your shoes when talking to you.
- gnosis 14y agoDid you hear about the computer programmer who died in the shower? He was just following the instructions on the shampoo bottle: 'Lather, rinse, repeat.'
- infinite_snoop 14y agoA programmers wife asks him to get some milk while he is out, she never sees him again.
- JoshuaRedmond 14y agoThere are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand ternary, those who don't, and those who though it was binary. (Nice thing about this joke is that you can expand it to base-n)
- InclinedPlane 14y agoThere are 11 types of people in the world, those who understand unary and those who don't.
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- surement 14y agoperl is an interesting language in that it is the only one that looks the same before and after RSA encryption.
- nirrrrrr 14y agoto be or not to be = ff (2b OR NOT 2b)
- mdanger 14y agoQ: Why did the computer programmer show up to the Halloween party in a Santa suit? A: OCT 31 = DEC 25
- gnosis 14y agoThe following anecdote about Steve Jobs is from [1]: I was sitting in Steve's office when Lynn Takahashi, Steve's assistant, announced Knuth's arrival. Steve bounced out of his chair, bounded over to the door and extended a welcoming hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Professor Knuth," Steve said. "I've read all of your books." "You're full of shit," Knuth responded. [1] - http://www.folklore.org/StoryView.py?project=Macintosh&story=Close_Encounters_of_the_Steve_Kind.txt http://www.folklore.org/StoryView.py?project=Macintosh&s...
- tompko 14y agoThere's a talk by Randall Munroe (xkcd) at google where this is debunked by Knuth himself. It also features him being asked questions about Python by Guido. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJOS0sV2a24 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJOS0sV2a24
- hkmurakami 14y agoApologies, but can someone explain this one to me? Q: Why don't jokes work in octal? A: Because 7 10 11.
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- smoyer 14y ago"Because seven ate (eight) nine" is the punch-line of another joke: Why is the number six afraid?
- raverbashing 14y agoIt's because that's 7 8 9 in octal Now, you only need to get the '7 8 9' joke... Don't worry, I took a long time to get it.
- mhartl 14y agoThe original joke goes like this: Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 [ate] 9. In octal, this reads "Because 7 10 11", which doesn't work because our tendency is to read it as decimal, yielding "seven ten eleven".
- hkmurakami 14y agoThanks! now it all makes sense :)
- Fishkins 14y agoI like another variant of the joke (which would work in octal): Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7? A: Because 7 was a registered 6 offender
- loser777 14y agoIt's a reference to the joke "why is six afraid of seven? ... because seven eight (ate) nine." I assume you get the octal part. Greeting from TL.net.
- spartas 14y agoThere are two hard things in Computer Science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors
- kevando 14y agoKnock Knock. Who's there? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Java
- pooriaazimi 14y agoThis variation is better: - Knock Knock. - Who's there? [long pause] - Java - Knock Knock. - Who's there? - C - Knock Knock. - Assembly
- moccajoghurt 14y agoGood one.
- qbrass 14y ago- Forth - Knock Knock
- mhartl 14y agoMany of these are good, but why are so many of the quotes coming out as question marks?
- megablast 14y agoThere are 3 types of people in the world, those that can count, and those that can't. There is also the joke about someone finding a secret NASA lisp program. To prove it he sent the last 40 pages.
- Raz0rblade 14y agono there are 10 types of people does that can can count and those that can't, its a binary joke.
- graywh 14y ago... those that understand binary and those that don't.
- edw519 14y agoOn the way to a sales call, a salesman, a project manager, and a programmer were kidnapped. When their employer refused to pay the ransom, the kidnappers granted each a last wish before killing them. The salesman said, "I still want to make the pitch I prepared for today. It's awesome and will only take an hour." The project manager said, "I still want to present my Powerpoint for this project. It's only 92 slides." The programmer said, "Kill me first."
- gnosis 14y agoAnother version of that joke: A mathematician, a scientist, and a dean were kidnapped. When their university refused to pay the ransom, the kipnappers announced that they would kill them all, but only after each got his last wish. The mathematician said he had an elegant alternative proof to the four color theorem and would like to sketch it out. It would only take 1 hour. The scientist wanted to show his proof that the universe is flat. It would only take 2 hours. The dean said, "Kill me first."
- civilian 14y agoAnd a Scandinavian version of this: A Dane, a Swede and a Norwegian are sentenced to death. The Judge asks them if they have any last wishes. The Dane says: "Eh, could I get a beer?" The Norwegian says: "I want to make a speech about the injustice of this ruling!" and the Swede says: "I want to be executed before the Norwegian."
- Raz0rblade 14y agoif ((boy | girl)|Marriage){boy.freewill = false;} else if (boy != (boy | girl)) {boy.drinks = true;} else if (boy == girl){gay = true;}
- lexicore 14y agoHere's my "April's Fool" joke on Stackoverflow: http://stackoverflow.com/questions/2557423/how-to-limit-speed-with-bmw-jsdk-on-116i http://stackoverflow.com/questions/2557423/how-to-limit-spee... I actually had to write a small API to make this compile.
- MaysonL 14y agoAt IBM, there was a project to figure out what made great programmers. They were going to give a psychological profile test to a group of their programmers. Unfortunately, they didn't have enough copies of the test. Luckily, the test came in two halves, so they just gave one half of the group the first half of the test, and the other half of the group the second half. After finishing the first section, and switching sections, the psychologist read the same directions as the first half, and then (expecting no response) asked "Any questions?", and was somewhat surprised when one of the best programmers in the group raised his hand. "Yes?" "Are we supposed to use the same personality on this as we used on the first half?" (From Gerald Weinberg's The Psychology of Computer Programming)
- Silhouette 14y agorecursion, n. See "tail recursion". tail recursion, n. See "tail recursion".
- civilian 14y agoWriting code is like dealing with an Old Testament god. Lots of rules and no mercy.
- Silhouette 14y agoA SQL query goes into a bar, walks over to a couple of tables, and asks, "Mind if I join you?" One of the tables says, "Normally that would be OK, but we're only here for the view."
- andyidsinga 14y agotwo foos walk into a bar...
- andyidsinga 14y ago10 foos walk a bar ;)
- BerislavLopac 14y agoWhy programmers keep confusing Halloween with Christmas? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
- BerislavLopac 14y agoA programmer's wife gave her husband instructions for the grocery store: "Get a margarine, and if they have eggs get ten." He returns a while later, bringing ten margarines and saying: "They had eggs."
- martinced 14y agoNot programmer per se but the best one ever using "walks into a bar": We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here, says the bartender. A neutrino walks into a bar.