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We Found Our Son in the Subway
- iaw 14y agoThat is an amazing story.
- gruseom 14y agoPretty hard not to find that touching.
- mtinkerhess 14y agoGreat story. Can someone explain why this belongs on HN?
- steverb 14y agoBecause some stories transcend classification and we have hearts as well as heads.
- aviswanathan 14y agoYou beat me to it.
- chrisrhoden 14y agoI don't think anyone is suggesting that you shouldn't read this story. I wouldn't expect a story about the latest release of Twitter Bootstrap to show up in the Wall Street Journal, though, and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that the Sports section front page doesn't include stories about a recent fire, heroic as the firefighters might be.
- ahoyhere 14y agoIt's strange to me that you are comparing HN to traditional media. Mostly* the editors of Hacker News are readers. The readers choose what they want to read. The readers have spoken. It's too bad you disagree with the people who voted it up, but there's no point in quarreling with the format of HN itself. * there's quite a bit of anecdotal evidence that moderators killfile individual articles, and we all know certain sites are fully blocked
- chrisrhoden 14y agoI don't disagree with you. Please look at what I was replying to. Saying, "because it's a good story," doesn't address the question that this thread started with. And the format of HN is very, very clear. Don't try to pretend that it is meant to be one's sole source of news.
- mattsfrey 14y agoI feel the article has no business here as well, but as it is this format is fairly democratic and majority rules. If a mod were to kill it many would be upset and claim overreach, especially since it's popular. Knowing that if it's both irrelevant AND unpopular it will get downvoted to oblivion is about as good as it gets. People will always have their gripes, have to compromise somewhere
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- pstuart 14y agoThis is a perfect example of a well-played pivot.
- deleted 14y ago[deleted]
- TallGuyShort 14y agoBecause, as of this writing, 54 members of HN think it does?
- benatkin 14y agoBecause it's a good example of how ready some people are for disruption. What seems disrupting in a negative way to some people can make others' lives simpler. Removing the obstacles to gay marriage (or legalizing, but that sort of implies that it wasn't already a constitutional right) is one such case.
- noonespecial 14y agoI think because we do a lot of "sky is falling", "everyone in charge is hopelessly clueless" etc. around here, sometimes we just need some good news about things going right once in a while. Even if its a bit off topic.
- stephengillie 14y agoIs this the only location where you receive all of your information about the world? This site is for technical and business discussion. There are other sites serving chicken soup for your soul.
- shanelja 14y agoThis site may be for "technical and business" discussion, but ultimately, it comes down to popular opinion, I for one think the story was great but there seems to be a fairly even split going on here, that is, half of us think it's heart warming, and the other half think that it's heart warming and irrelevant. There is no simple answer here, it's irrelevant, to the point where all you overzealous stack overflow members would vote to have it removed, but on the other hand, I'm glad it's here, sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our little bubble that we forgot that things happen outside of it. Consider the Aaron Swartz debacle, that flooded HN for weeks, some days the top posts were filled with it, but they were, for the large part, noise against a background, like how someone met him in a subway one time (real example, but no link, so consider it allegory for my plot, if you will), but still we kept it here, because his case both wrenched our hearts and made us angry and want to change something, these stories are what reminds us of how good (and often stupid) humans can be - I think this falls squarely within that realm, irrelevant noise, but enthralling and well worth featuring none the less.
- noonespecial 14y agoVery well. Given the recent and tragic case of one Aaron Swartz, are we to conclude that the justice system is irredeemably corrupt and cruel, forever serving the most special of special interests, devoid of all humanity? Why no, here's a counterpoint.
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- migrantgeek 14y agoWould you have stumbled on it if it weren't? I know I wouldn't have. The internet can be too focused sometimes and we lose out on a lot of serendipity as a result.
- dubfan 14y agoA friend of mine, whom I know does not read HN, linked to this on Facebook before I saw it here. I would be willing to bet that most HN readers who have Facebook accounts will see it pop up in their news feed soon, if they haven't already.
- EliRivers 14y agoThey used eMail to get back in touch with the judge to get married. eMail is way technological.
- dubfan 14y agoSo by that logic we should start linking to every story about celebrities embarrassing themselves on Twitter.
- mcherm 14y agoIt doesn't belong on HN. But I read it, and... well... I just could not help upvoting it. Sometimes a judge can abuse her powers, and we hear those stories from time to time. This time a judge used her powers to transform the world in a wonderful way.
- njharman 14y agoCause feel good fluff helps the masses avoid their fears and self doubt/loathing/etc. HN stories are selected by the masses (or some increasing LCD subset of same).
- jackalope 14y agoI can't think of a better parable for opportunity than this story.
- bthomas 14y agoPoe's law... can't tell if this is sarcastic or not
- jackalope 14y agoNot sarcastic. The story has some key elements: 1. Right place at the right time (found abandoned baby in subway). 2. Unexpected (wasn't 'in the market' for a baby or considering purchasing/obtaining one in the near future) 3. It's who you know (in person, the judge offered the option to adopt) 4. Narrow window of time for decision making (had to commit to a yes or no at moment of offer or it would become less likely) 5. Total commitment, against all odds (sceptical partner, unreliable system, health of infant unknown, same-sex parenting unorthodox and not universally supported, etc.) 6. Happy ending (stories of wasted opportunities are a dime a dozen and impossible to substantiate, "What if...?") I would think any startup could easily relate to these aspects of the story. That's why I think it works so well as a parable.
- michaelbuckbee 14y agoAt our best, we as the hacking + doing and building community are both inextricably part of and trying to change society. This story manages to cut across a swath of different social issues: race, gender (I falsely assumed that it was a woman writing when the first instance of 'husband' was mentioned) gay marriage, the extraordinary power given to the family court system and even the urban versus rural divide. I don't think this article is going to kick off a bunch of startups that are "like Instragram but for abandoned babies in a subway", but I do think we are in a unique position to potentially effect the lives of millions of people with the output of our work and being more mindful of stories in the larger society can only help that.
- obviouslygreen 14y agoWhile I agree with this sentiment... I also enjoyed and upvoted the article. :) This might be one of those "just let go and either ignore or enjoy it" things. People complain a lot about non-tech/business articles on HN, but they're not going away... and really, does it matter?
- stevewilhelm 14y agoI think this story resonates with the HN community because it hinges on a very large leap of faith. The same kind of bold, against all the odds move that starting your own business takes. It's encouraging to read such actions, even if in this case it's not a technical or business move, can end successfully and happily.
- singalongwithme 14y agoThanks so much for posting this. I hope everyone on HN will take a breather and read this article all the way through.
- chris_mahan 14y agoExcellent!
- kirinan 14y agoRenews faith in humanity. This belongs on HN, because it really does point out the humanity that we all want to touch with our development. These are real people, with real issues, with real emotions, and each one of them may be a user of our products, using them to improve their lives, their sons lives, or whatever. Its very important to be able to empathize with people, and be able to know their stories, this is the only way to build great things that people love. You can say that this isn't "technical" or "business" related, it is however very related to human beings and ultimately these "humans" are your business, your source of profitability. If anything, more articles like these should be on HN.
- kposehn 14y agoNail.head.hit
- bobwaycott 14y agoWhat an absolutely beautiful story.
- nopassrecover 14y agoLittle more detail from 2004: http://www.parents.com/parenting/adoption/stories/adoption-stories-miracle-on-14th-street/ http://www.parents.com/parenting/adoption/stories/adoption-s...
- justjimmy 14y agoBump this to the top! Definitely more details about the situation, and more about the awesome judge.
- siscia 14y agoLove the story. When we talk about gay marriage and adoption I always need to query a little more, especially about the kids. What's about Kevin ? His life is "perfectly normal" (how stupid is this expression) ? He is happy ? Does he have problem with his sexuality ? Do anybody have any experience to share ? Please to be obvious, in neither way... (Why this is on HN ? Well, because I believe that HN is one of the best community on the internet, it is normal that people want to share stories and ask opinion to other they respect/admire)
- nicholassmith 14y agoWikipedia to the rescue: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_parenting#Sexual_orientation_of_children http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_parenting#Sexual_orientati... However, there's lots of studies with lots of results and generally often very small sample groups. I would say from the article it sounds like he's well adjusted and happy, if he's gay he's gay, if he's straight he's straight.
- westward 14y ago>Does he have problem with his sexuality ? You may not be aware of this, but this question will likely get you downvoted as it will be perceived as homophobia (or at least heteronormativity).
- siscia 14y agoI was aware, and I really don't care, it is a very interesting question and nobody is in the position to judge curiosity. The whole point of comment on HN is to discuss, share ideas and opinion, caring about down votes is not helping :-) I only wish somebody to answer such question without caring of the reaction of other people
- natrius 14y agoWhich is a shame really. Someone's open-minded curiosity shouldn't be cast aside because of a hypothesis that is politically incorrect.
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- mrb 14y agoIt seems to be a fictional story. The author is a playwright and a screenwriter. No last names are given (except the author), and the desire for anonymity is not explicitly stated. I am surprised the NYT Editor did not ask the author to make it clear if it is a fictional or real story.
- scott_s 14y agoIt's not. There is a clear byline with the author's full name. We generally understand that columns in the NYT are not fiction.
- mrb 14y agoTo me, it is unclear if the first-person narrative is a literary device, or refers to the author. I am really confused. I wish someone could clarify.
- dubfan 14y agohttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jayson_Blair https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jayson_Blair
- scott_s 14y agoThat is beside the point - that's an example of someone who lied. mrb is confused about whether the author is presenting fiction or non-fiction, independent of wether or not it is true. Of course, we hope and assume that if the author is presenting non-fiction, then it is, in fact, non-fiction, but that's an independent point.
- balabaster 14y agoHonestly if there was more of a proliferation of this kind of news instead of the constant barrage of negativity and fear that is pushed upon us through mainstream propaganda er... media channels then perhaps we wouldn't need the TSA with their hands up our butts feeling around for shit that isn't there... pun intended.
- ritchiea 14y agoReally heart warming. Also makes me wonder how they handled the financial challenges of raising a child as a young social worker and playwright couple in new york.
- shawndumas 14y agoprint version http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/28/we-found-our-son-in-the-subway/?pagewanted=print http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/28/we-found-our...
- Geekette 14y agoUgh. This yanked a couple of thug tears outta me. And for those wondering what place this has on HN, I actually read HN for interesting, often-not-technically-related news.
- iaw 14y ago"thug tears" <--- hilarious
- Geekette 14y agoHah! You mock but this is a serious issue for those of us who can't have their reputations for non-mushiness compromised.
- javajosh 14y agoYeah, my eyes watered a bit, too. Probably the the perfume of all the hotties hanging off me while I read the article.
- frooxie 14y agoI actually read HN for the thug tears.
- snogglethorpe 14y agoYou'll be interested in my new startup idea then: Thug tears—inna bottle! On the internet.
- sixofhearts 14y agoMy first non-congratulating HN comment ever is to completely agree with you. Valuable insights come from all different kinds of stories. I'm glad this community recognizes that, and what a wonderful piece this is.
- shawnc 14y agoThis got me too. And there hasn't been much that moves me to a few tears in many years now. My two daughters born are about the only things. That's probably why, i'm a big softie for kids now.
- tptacek 14y agoSound reasonable to me. That judge is probably a parent. I suspect most parents understand: if we waited to be "ready", nobody would ever be a parent. Conventional parents get months and months of notice. If they're like me, they're still nowhere close to "ready". It's terrifying. But you, and these guys, and everyone else just do what we've been doing for hundreds of thousands of years.
- polymatter 14y ago"But you, and these guys, and everyone else just do what we've been doing for hundreds of thousands of years." I don't mean to scare you, but that is the mother of all sampling bias (to quote xkcd). The parents that don't do so well, generally have a smaller chance of being grandparents. I'm sure all of you reading this will do just fine though. I also need to say that that judge was awesome.
- jiggy2011 14y agoIf they neglect their kids so bad that they actually die, which I guess used to happen frequently before the invention of welfare etc. Now you have a lot of not so great parents spawning at an alarming rate.
- patdennis 14y agoAh yes. The social safety net is causing society to be overrun by a plague of undesirables. If we would only let people die in the streets, our society would be pure. Edit: I'm being sarcastic.
- jpdoctor 14y agoGood god this has nothing to do with HN. Good god am I glad that it got to the front page so I read it.
- drakeandrews 14y agoErgo it has everything to do with HN.
- StavrosK 14y agoYeah, "what belongs on HN" is basically "what HNers upvote".
- lelandbatey 14y agoIndeed, that is in fact very explicitly what belongs on HN. Quoted from the HN Guidelines: "On-Topic: Anything that good hackers would find interesting. That includes more than hacking and startups. If you had to reduce it to a sentence, the answer might be: anything that gratifies one's intellectual curiosity." If it "gratifies one's intellectual curiosity, it's totally cool.
- short_circut 14y agoIf you think about it, it is technically a hack. They sort of hacked the adoption process. From my understanding usually adoption is significantly more difficult.
- drakeandrews 14y agoI think technically the judge hacked the adoption process.
- guelo 14y ago"what HNers upvote" - "what moderators kill"
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- Taylorious 14y agoGood story. Am I the only one who read the title as "We Found Our Son in Subway?" As in the restaurant.
- Mz 14y agoI don't know why people would say this does not belong here. Social hacking gets so little respect. Two thumbs up.
- ianstallings 14y agoWTF is social hacking? Such a trendy, useless, word.
- Mz 14y agoFiguring out effective social solutions. The article is a great example of the judge cutting through red tape, a gay couple getting a child without having to fight social crapola tooth and nail, and culminates with a gay marriage which couldn't have previously taken place but is now possible. Plus the couple used the marriage as an opportunity to give some closure to their adopted child. I think it is brilliant on several fronts. And this social stuff is something a lot of hackers seem to feel is a personal weak area, so articles like this potentially have more value for them than for someone like me who already has good skillz in this area. But thanks for proving my point that it gets way undervalued here.
- icebraining 14y agoBut where is the hacking? The judge just used her prorrogative to make (something great) happen.
- Mz 14y agoSocial hacking is about getting extraordinary, even "impossible," social outcomes with a relative light burden of effort or personal cost. To achieve that, you have to recognize when you are presented with a very rare opportunity and know how to take advantage of it. People in a position to make an exception are the exception, not the norm. The judge was in a position to make an exception. You can have 500 friends outraged at the injustice of bias against gay couples in adoption. Odds are poor that any of them can really do anything about it. And a wedding is possibly the only good excuse to request a judges services for a feel good reunion. Judges are supposed to be impartial. It is generally inappropriate to contact them for hugs and the like. There is quite a lot of brilliant stuff in this article. I am sorry you do not see it.
- mynameishere 14y agoFoundlings are actually fairly common. The only novelty here is that the adoptive individuals are nontraditional.
- twstws 14y agoThis was hard for me to read. I spent four years waiting to adopt a child.Did almost a year of training and home visits, then waited. And waited. Why does it take so long? Because we selfishly insisted that we'd only take one ortwo children. The social workers were not subtle in letting us know that we were selfish to not want a sibling group of 4 or 5(?!) kids all at once. They made it absolutely clear that we could not expect to have a newborn, and a child under 8 was unlikely. So to hear that, on a hunch, a judge can give a newborn to a couple that had expressed no previous interest in having kids, wtf. It's a nice story, and I'm glad that it worked out so well for everyone. But for me it really underlines how fucked up the system really is.
- unreal37 14y agoThanks for sharing this. The OP is a great story as well. Bureaucracy sucks more than it helps almost always.
- corin_ 14y agoI think that's much too simplistic a view - I don't know whether you're right or wrong, but based on the way you worded it I think you almost certainly don't either. If, without paperwork, one child was sexually abused for every one child who got adopted, would you agree that more bureaucracy was needed? Now go to the other extreme, where the bad scenario happens only once in a million and is "child gets insulted by new parents", meanwhile no other children are getting adopted to prevent this minor one-in-a-million chance. Definitely too much paperwork. Before saying that bureaucracy, in this area, helps more than hinders, or hinders more than helps, you not only need to know these stats (i.e. how many children would be worse or better off with more or less bureaucracy), but also make a subjective judgement call on what rations are acceptable.
- jacoblyles 14y agoYou're assumption that the bureaucracy produces any good effects may be false. See: the TSA.
- knodi 14y agoMy grand-father when he was a young 15 years old farmer found a lost kid on an Indian train. After search for his parents for years with no luck. He adopted the lost kid, at the age of 18 he became a father of a 7 year old. Today the little kid is a retried doctor that resides in New Jersey.
- stretchwithme 14y agoMy theory is that one of the reasons nature makes gay people is so that there are extra parents.
- ck2 14y agoLovely story but what kind of husband offers to adopt a child without even previously discussing it his wife? Great relationship there. This story turned out well only because of her. BTW this is why many cities now have a law there is no penalty to leave a newborn at a firestation, yet some cities still resist it.
- gsmaverick 14y agoFyi, I believe this is actually a gay couple given the author's name is Peter and his partner is named Danny.
- ck2 14y agoOops, my fault for not paying attention to details. Still, who adopts a child spontaneously without consulting their parter? The real miracle here is the partner that didn't leave him over it.
- Evbn 14y agoIn point of fact, quite many babies are conceived against the intent or desire of at least one parent. And this adoption wasn't completed until Danny signed on. Someone had to start the ball rolling.
- ck2 14y agoWhoa, this isn't a puppy. You don't adopt a child when you have a partner without even mentioning to them, let alone discussing it. I mean that's insane, and I don't get the downvotes. Who the hell adopts a kid while in a long-term relationship without even asking their partner? It's all good because it turned out okay but seriously who does this? It's a massive life-changing event. You plan these things, otherwise it shows a complete lack of respect.
- fnordfnordfnord 14y ago>Who the hell adopts a kid while in a long-term relationship without even asking their partner? Maybe there is context that we're not aware of. Perhaps they had both previously expressed a desire to raise children.
- muriithi 14y agoThis would never have happened in Kenya where the Children's Act expressly forbids homosexuals from adopting. Sad.
- paulnechifor 14y agoI'm wondering how many upvoted because they found the article worthwhile versus upvoting because they noticed the author is not a women and that's what's expected. I say this because to me it looks like it's something that's off-topic judging by the guidelines.
- lysium 14y agoTouching story!
- RyanMcGreal 14y agoWell damn. Now I have to wipe these tears off my keyboard.
- conroe64 14y agoWhat a corny story
- dasil003 14y agoIf it weren't true...
- conroe64 14y agoFuck off.. I've got a right to my own opinion
- dasil003 14y agoWhy so hostile? I just thought it was a weird concept to consider something true to be corny. I'd literally never seen it used to describe anything that wasn't fiction.
- conroe64 14y agoSorry, I didn't realize what you meant by that. I've expressed dissenting opinions on tech forums before and had some negative experiences, so I guess I was overly sensitive about it. It was more a comment about how the story was expressed and what was said by those in it. Just as something said can be corny, a joke, a wedding proposal, etc. imo, an event can be considered corny, if there are a lot of corny things happening within it, although I'm no expert on the English language.