9 ms·

Agreed. I can't even think of a male-targeting pejorative term that carries anything like the emotional weight of certain words that a disinterested man could w

Agreed. I can't even think of a male-targeting pejorative term that carries anything like the emotional weight of certain words that a disinterested man could wield against a woman when rejecting her advances. That says a lot about the actual differences in power between the sexes.

jiggy2011 14y ago
Not quite sure what you mean. I think the GP is talking about people who meet in real life after connecting through an online dating site. In such a case there are obvious risks that one takes when meeting someone who is a) a stranger b) very likely significantly physically stronger c) already expressed some level of sexual interest.
- zem 14y ago
  yes, that was what i was talking about (phaedra starling's "schrodinger's rapist"[0] is a good if dramatic look at how the landscape is different for women in a way i will probably never fully realise). though the parent has a point too - there is an entire catalogue of abusive terms a man can apply to a woman who has rejected his advances, and the accumulated weight of social convention has given those utterances the power to hurt. [0] http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-sch...
barry-cotter 14y ago
Creepy = the thought of being associated with this person fills me with disgust.
- thirdtruck 14y ago
  I understand wanting to bring up that word. Even then, that particular word implies that the person so labeled poses some degree of danger to the labeler.
  - barry-cotter 14y ago
    Sometimes yes, sometimes no. When I was going to an Asperger support group a minority of the attendants were creepy; I certainly never felt in any danger from any of them. I imagine the overlap between finding someone creepy and finding them threatening is a lot larger for women. Creepy is about the danger of a hit in social status from being associated with someone with low status, whether that low status be because of poor social sklills, being ugly or anything else. It's about the possibility of contamination.
    - thirdtruck 14y ago
      > Creepy is about the danger of a hit in social status from being associated with someone with low status, whether that low status be because of poor social sklills, being ugly or anything else. It's about the possibility of contamination. For men, yes. Dr. NerdLove offers more information on the female experience (http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/05/labeling-men-creepy/ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/05/labeling-men-creepy/). To summarize: "78% of the victims of sexual assault or sexual violence are women", so it comes down to perception validated by the statistics. Even with the above, "creepy" remains a gender-neutral label

jiggy2011 14y ago

Not quite sure what you mean. I think the GP is talking about people who meet in real life after connecting through an online dating site. In such a case there are obvious risks that one takes when meeting someone who is a) a stranger b) very likely significantly physically stronger c) already expressed some level of sexual interest.

zem 14y ago
yes, that was what i was talking about (phaedra starling's "schrodinger's rapist"[0] is a good if dramatic look at how the landscape is different for women in a way i will probably never fully realise). though the parent has a point too - there is an entire catalogue of abusive terms a man can apply to a woman who has rejected his advances, and the accumulated weight of social convention has given those utterances the power to hurt. [0] http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/ http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-sch...

barry-cotter 14y ago

Creepy = the thought of being associated with this person fills me with disgust.

thirdtruck 14y ago
I understand wanting to bring up that word. Even then, that particular word implies that the person so labeled poses some degree of danger to the labeler.
- barry-cotter 14y ago
  Sometimes yes, sometimes no. When I was going to an Asperger support group a minority of the attendants were creepy; I certainly never felt in any danger from any of them. I imagine the overlap between finding someone creepy and finding them threatening is a lot larger for women. Creepy is about the danger of a hit in social status from being associated with someone with low status, whether that low status be because of poor social sklills, being ugly or anything else. It's about the possibility of contamination.
  - thirdtruck 14y ago
    > Creepy is about the danger of a hit in social status from being associated with someone with low status, whether that low status be because of poor social sklills, being ugly or anything else. It's about the possibility of contamination. For men, yes. Dr. NerdLove offers more information on the female experience (http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/05/labeling-men-creepy/ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/05/labeling-men-creepy/). To summarize: "78% of the victims of sexual assault or sexual violence are women", so it comes down to perception validated by the statistics. Even with the above, "creepy" remains a gender-neutral label