5 ms·

Playing the passive role is actually a form of power. Women get to decide who gets to play the dating game and who sits on the sidelines based on whose advances

by dubfan 14y ago

Playing the passive role is actually a form of power. Women get to decide who gets to play the dating game and who sits on the sidelines based on whose advances they accept and reject.

sp332 14y ago
I understand that, and it's part of my point. The passive party has much less at risk than the approacher. It's hypocritical to tell men that women are equals and at the same time demand that they consistently take the riskier role.
- jiggy2011 14y ago
  Perhaps, but this is something that is driven organically by behaviour rather than consciously out of any sense of fairness. If men simply stopped approaching women, then eventually women would be forced to start taking the initiative (or all die single). At that point roles would be reversed and the expectation would become the other way around.
  - chimpinee 14y ago
    Women do share risk but in a different way -- a woman risks emotional attachment and pregnancy with the guy moving on to another partner
    - Bjuukia 14y ago
      As well as being thought of as a slut if she's seen meeting a lot guys (whether concurrently or in a row), like she would need to do to screen who's dating material and who's not.
    - rozap 14y ago
      Did you know that men are capable of emotional attachment as well?
  - droidist2 14y ago
    > If men simply stopped approaching women, then eventually women would be forced to start taking the initiative (or all die single). True. I feel like this is gradually happening, I know in the US and Japan but probably other developed countries as well. Women predictably are irritated by this trend and you often hear them complaining nastily that men need to do things like "get off the computer", "put down the video games", and "step up their games" (dating wise).
Bjuukia 14y ago
You can't give your full attention to a man when you're being courted by 20 men every 5 minutes. It's like sending a resume: there's a ton of applicants and you can't interview them all.
- chimpinee 14y ago
  This suggests to me that a sensible business model would be for the man to pay to have his profile pitched to a given woman. This would reflect the IRL risk of asking for a date.
  - Bjuukia 14y ago
    Not necessarily. I think there's a better solution for that. You just have to consider what it's like to be the typical woman on a dating website and try to mitigate the problem. So... my take on this: How about a group dating website? When you and friends get a date, there's a notification prompting you to set a group date. I think women would be far more likely to meet strangers if they can bring friends along. As a bonus, you'd see what he's like around his friends. And if it turns out he's not exactly your type, maybe one of his friends seems a better fit. Because she can bring her friends along, she'd be much less hesitant to initiate contact with a stranger and much more likely to meet in person. And because she won't go alone, she doesn't have to worry that others will think of her as a slut when they see her meeting a lot of men. It will look to others as just a bunch of friends hanging out. She'll probably still get a ton of messages in her mailbox, but this wouldn't be much of an issue anymore since she's more likely to initiate contact with who she wants. Would be lots more fun than a plain old date too :) What do you think? Seems like a win-win to both men and women, regardless of sexual orientation! Honestly, I can see this making women initiate contact even more than I initially thought when you consider that if a friend got a date, WHOA!, now she wants to find a date too so she can go with her friend! And I can definitely see girlfriends bugging each other to find a date so they don't have to go alone. Start-up idea, anyone? Do I get a free membership?
    - chimpinee 14y ago
      That sounds to me like a great idea and an effective way of managing risk. I notice that online speed dating services are available also, which might work as a way of reducing risk further

by dubfan 14y ago

Playing the passive role is actually a form of power. Women get to decide who gets to play the dating game and who sits on the sidelines based on whose advances they accept and reject.

sp332 14y ago

I understand that, and it's part of my point. The passive party has much less at risk than the approacher. It's hypocritical to tell men that women are equals and at the same time demand that they consistently take the riskier role.

jiggy2011 14y ago
Perhaps, but this is something that is driven organically by behaviour rather than consciously out of any sense of fairness. If men simply stopped approaching women, then eventually women would be forced to start taking the initiative (or all die single). At that point roles would be reversed and the expectation would become the other way around.
- chimpinee 14y ago
  Women do share risk but in a different way -- a woman risks emotional attachment and pregnancy with the guy moving on to another partner
  - Bjuukia 14y ago
    As well as being thought of as a slut if she's seen meeting a lot guys (whether concurrently or in a row), like she would need to do to screen who's dating material and who's not.
  - rozap 14y ago
    Did you know that men are capable of emotional attachment as well?
- droidist2 14y ago
  > If men simply stopped approaching women, then eventually women would be forced to start taking the initiative (or all die single). True. I feel like this is gradually happening, I know in the US and Japan but probably other developed countries as well. Women predictably are irritated by this trend and you often hear them complaining nastily that men need to do things like "get off the computer", "put down the video games", and "step up their games" (dating wise).

Bjuukia 14y ago

You can't give your full attention to a man when you're being courted by 20 men every 5 minutes. It's like sending a resume: there's a ton of applicants and you can't interview them all.

chimpinee 14y ago
This suggests to me that a sensible business model would be for the man to pay to have his profile pitched to a given woman. This would reflect the IRL risk of asking for a date.
- Bjuukia 14y ago
  Not necessarily. I think there's a better solution for that. You just have to consider what it's like to be the typical woman on a dating website and try to mitigate the problem. So... my take on this: How about a group dating website? When you and friends get a date, there's a notification prompting you to set a group date. I think women would be far more likely to meet strangers if they can bring friends along. As a bonus, you'd see what he's like around his friends. And if it turns out he's not exactly your type, maybe one of his friends seems a better fit. Because she can bring her friends along, she'd be much less hesitant to initiate contact with a stranger and much more likely to meet in person. And because she won't go alone, she doesn't have to worry that others will think of her as a slut when they see her meeting a lot of men. It will look to others as just a bunch of friends hanging out. She'll probably still get a ton of messages in her mailbox, but this wouldn't be much of an issue anymore since she's more likely to initiate contact with who she wants. Would be lots more fun than a plain old date too :) What do you think? Seems like a win-win to both men and women, regardless of sexual orientation! Honestly, I can see this making women initiate contact even more than I initially thought when you consider that if a friend got a date, WHOA!, now she wants to find a date too so she can go with her friend! And I can definitely see girlfriends bugging each other to find a date so they don't have to go alone. Start-up idea, anyone? Do I get a free membership?
  - chimpinee 14y ago
    That sounds to me like a great idea and an effective way of managing risk. I notice that online speed dating services are available also, which might work as a way of reducing risk further