4 ms·

One thing I am never, ever, going to tell my kids is the stupid "sticks and stones" rhyme. That's just to make you feel better, not them. I agree. Part of the

by mtoddh 14y ago

One thing I am never, ever, going to tell my kids is the stupid "sticks and stones" rhyme. That's just to make you feel better, not them. I agree. Part of the problem is that adults tend to hold kids to a much different standard than they hold themselves. For instance, as an adult, if I'm working in a company where verbal bullying and harassment is a problem, and HR does nothing to address the situation, then I'll just give my two-week notice and move on to another company. Kids on the other hand don't have the option of giving their two-week notice and moving on to another school because of a 'hostile work environment'. How many adults do you think would stick around at a company if they had to put up with the level of violence and harassment we subject our kids to in schools? And if the only response they got back from management and HR was a "sticks and stones" speech? Forget about it! Which highlights another difference- it's also in a company's own self interest to address these issues seriously, because if they don't, it's gonna effect their bottom line when good employees start leaving. But, what motivation do schools really have- it's not as if their "employees" (students) get to quit if they don't like the way they are being treated. What does this teach kids? That there is no justice in the world except that which you take by violence? My son is only two and a half right now. When he gets older my advice to him will be to first go through all of the proper channels in case bullying comes up. Give the system a chance to work, and get some documentation that you did so. And if it does work great. And if it doesn't, a right-cross to the bully's nose is what worked for me when I was a kid. Will this stop the bully from picking on people? Probably not - but it will likely make him stop picking on you. He'll move on to the next victim - one who won't fight back.

Swizec 14y ago
> My son is only two and a half right now. When he gets older my advice to him will be to first go through all of the proper channels in case bullying comes up. Give the system a chance to work, and get some documentation that you did so. And if it does work great. You are forgetting the schoolyard code. You never go to the appropriate channels. Ever. That is one of the worst things a kid can do to themselves. The right response to physical bullying is to stand up for yourself. It's one of the most important lessons a person can learn - how and when to stand up for themselves. I was bullied a lot in primary school, but I dealt with it and as much as bullies liked picking on me, they also knew going too far would hurt. A lot.
- rndmize 14y ago
  This is absolutely correct. I remember all too well when my graphing calculator was stolen from me during a movie in religion class (high school freshman year, catholic all boys school). I was socially inept and naturally, the first thing I did was tell the teacher. He asked the class who had taken it and waited a few minutes. When no one said anything, he said something like "Well, I can't keep them from their next class." A few weeks later, a guy I knew had his stolen in English class, but he got it back by standing by the door at the end of class and asking people individually who had taken it as the other students left. And I remember how in the months and years after that, if tricks were played on me in class, the kids would laugh at me and the teachers would stand at the front looking lost and doing nothing. Going through the proper channels doesn't do shit.
- TazeTSchnitzel 14y ago
  Physical violence never helps. You'll just get in trouble for attacking them.
  - Swizec 14y ago
    Perhaps it's different now than it was 15 years ago, but no you wouldn't. Well, unless you properly damage someone ... ... but even then, they will stick to the code and you're both best palls in the principal's office and nothing happened. Any witness they ask will also support the two of you just playing and something silly happening by accident. The only people in school who never get any respect, in my experience at least, are the ones who snitch, or generally side with the adults.
tomjen3 14y ago
I can assure you that the system won't work against bullying -- oh there will be a lot of talk, maybe even with his parents - but of all the people (and that has been a lot) I know who have been bullied over the years only fighting back works. And you better do it as soon as possible, before he does too much psychological damage on you.
Tichy 14y ago
My son is 2,5 now, too. I definitely plan to let him get some martial arts training before starting school. Not sure what age would be good, but I suppose 4 at the latest (maybe sooner). It seems like a good basic skill to have in life... And also, running - in most fight situations, running is probably the best option.

by mtoddh 14y ago

Swizec 14y ago

> My son is only two and a half right now. When he gets older my advice to him will be to first go through all of the proper channels in case bullying comes up. Give the system a chance to work, and get some documentation that you did so. And if it does work great. You are forgetting the schoolyard code. You never go to the appropriate channels. Ever. That is one of the worst things a kid can do to themselves. The right response to physical bullying is to stand up for yourself. It's one of the most important lessons a person can learn - how and when to stand up for themselves. I was bullied a lot in primary school, but I dealt with it and as much as bullies liked picking on me, they also knew going too far would hurt. A lot.

rndmize 14y ago
This is absolutely correct. I remember all too well when my graphing calculator was stolen from me during a movie in religion class (high school freshman year, catholic all boys school). I was socially inept and naturally, the first thing I did was tell the teacher. He asked the class who had taken it and waited a few minutes. When no one said anything, he said something like "Well, I can't keep them from their next class." A few weeks later, a guy I knew had his stolen in English class, but he got it back by standing by the door at the end of class and asking people individually who had taken it as the other students left. And I remember how in the months and years after that, if tricks were played on me in class, the kids would laugh at me and the teachers would stand at the front looking lost and doing nothing. Going through the proper channels doesn't do shit.
TazeTSchnitzel 14y ago
Physical violence never helps. You'll just get in trouble for attacking them.
- Swizec 14y ago
  Perhaps it's different now than it was 15 years ago, but no you wouldn't. Well, unless you properly damage someone ... ... but even then, they will stick to the code and you're both best palls in the principal's office and nothing happened. Any witness they ask will also support the two of you just playing and something silly happening by accident. The only people in school who never get any respect, in my experience at least, are the ones who snitch, or generally side with the adults.

tomjen3 14y ago

I can assure you that the system won't work against bullying -- oh there will be a lot of talk, maybe even with his parents - but of all the people (and that has been a lot) I know who have been bullied over the years only fighting back works. And you better do it as soon as possible, before he does too much psychological damage on you.

Tichy 14y ago

My son is 2,5 now, too. I definitely plan to let him get some martial arts training before starting school. Not sure what age would be good, but I suppose 4 at the latest (maybe sooner). It seems like a good basic skill to have in life... And also, running - in most fight situations, running is probably the best option.