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Hey, fellow failed entrepreneur here. My startup failed about 6-9 months ago. It was a very difficult time, our business partners went back on their promises an

by Maro 14y ago

Hey, fellow failed entrepreneur here. My startup failed about 6-9 months ago. It was a very difficult time, our business partners went back on their promises and with that 3+ years of my life went down the drain. It was a terrible couple of months, lots of lost sleep, high blood pressure, I'm still dealing with it. I was unemployed for a couple of months, then finally took a job at a great company, where I feel great. Things were finally picking up. I thought I was fortunate because I had my wife who supported me through it all. Then a month ago my wife, who I thought would be my partner for life left me. Bam. You think a failing company is bad, try this. I just got thrown back to being 25 and looking for a date, sth I thought I left behind me forever. It was I hope the final price I payed for concentrating too much on my startup the preceeding years. Lessons learned? Too many, but I'll just say this. The buddhists are right, the only constant in life is change. Shit will happen to you, whether you're rich or poor. Companies will go under. You may lose money. You will be fired from jobs. Your partner may not turn out to be who you thought she is. Somebody close to you could get sick. Your parents will die. It's just life. You have to accept these things will happen and do your best to prepare for them. It's though, some people are much better at it than others, but it's normal if you can't get over these things in a day or week. Medicine might help (eg. sleep, anxiety), but go easy with that stuff. Don't lie to your parents. They're your safe harbour, they will understand and help you. Tell them what's going on. I'm 32 and although it doesn't feel very manly, talking to my parents about my current situation is what's keeping me sane.

danabramov 14y ago
>Don't lie to your parents. This. During a bad period, I moved in to live with my family for a couple of weeks. It helps to eat and talk together, and if you had a happy childhood, you'll feel safe and refreshed.
- tillwe 14y ago
  >This. Samefag detected.
- thullo 14y ago
  >This. Samefag detected.
- whatsit 14y ago
  I agree. In late 2009 when my startup tanked and my SO left me I was in a really bad place. Having a large family (parents, but also siblings) really helped me stay sane.
madaxe 14y ago
Man alive. That sounds like no fun. Also an entrepreneur here, and admittedly no (major) failures as yet, but I envy you at least having parents to fall back on. All alone in the world here. Nothing like the absence of any safety net to make you consider your decisions carefully.
ovi256 14y ago
Thanks for your story, I appreciate you sharing it. I agree with you about the only constant in life being change. I think it's even older than buddhism, I seem to recall it was Heraclitus who put it as "change is the only permanence". As for the OP, I hope he stops taking losing investor money so personally. The investors knew well they bought a lottery ticket. Had OP succeeded, the investors would, of course, have gladly taken their part of that upside. Now, he didn't, and they lost their ticket money. And that's all it was: ticket money, their fee for getting to play the game. I sympathize with what he's going through, and hope he'll get through.
- metaperl 14y ago
  > I agree with you about the only constant in life being change Change and motion are apparent. The only constant in life is LIFE ITSELF, which is stated as: 1 - balance (if one word is enough) 2 - rhythmic balance (if two words will do) 3 - rhythmic balanced interchange (if 3 words are necessary) or cold still white magnetic light = life itself = rest = balance... Change and motion are false information gained by sensing. I will now step down off my Walter Russell soapbox and humbly request you read "The Secret of Light" by aforesaid :)
- raleec 14y ago
  Small nitpick: Buddha(563 BCE-483 BCE (aged 80) or 411 and 400 BCE) predates Heraclitus(535 BC-475 BC), but your point definitely stands, as I'm sure that realization predates recorded history.
  - shn 14y ago
    Wisdom transcends time, space and culture.
blueprint 14y ago
"The buddhists are right, the only constant in life is change" Not totally true. I want to point out that there's a huge gap between what Buddha saw and taught and what is said by the teachings in modern Buddhism. Gautama Buddha went to people basically every single day for 45 years and tried to awaken them. He absolutely did not teach people that it's possible to eliminate suffering while alive, and he never taught that meditation is a way to enlightenment. Instead, if we make a gist of the content of his life work teaching we can see that he taught two things: the theory of transmigration (reincarnation), and the law of cause and effect. He taught these things to make people realize how the world works, and what he taught is still totally accurate even by the view of today's world. There were ways in his teaching from the problems people have to the solutions they want to get. But those ways are absent from modern Buddhism. So we can conclude that while things in the world exist through change (reincarnation), there is another constant meaning in the world, and that is "truth", or law, of how the world works – the law of cause and effect. When we see and understand the world of the truth then what we find is permanent and never changes. All the answers are fixed. Only questions change.
- specialist 14y ago
  Maro is commiserating and you give him a theology/philosophy lesson. Further, I studied buddhism for a while. I have no idea what you're talking about. In other words, YMMV.
  - blueprint 14y ago
    "Maro is commiserating and you give him a theology/philosophy lesson." You didn't point out a problem clearly, so I'm not sure what you think I should have done instead of branching a philosophy discussion. You'll note that the only thing to which I replied from Maro's answer is his comment about Buddhists being right. My reply has nothing to do with his commiseration, and I believe I stay on topic 100%. Besides, if you want me to reply to Maro's commiseration, my answer is that we should verify everything in OP's post first before deciding with what to commiserate. Why commiserate in places where OP is actually repeatedly at fault and chose the wrong way? How can you properly commiserate at times when OP was right if you can't see where they are? That's not justice to the investors, nor OP, nor is it the way to help OP to find the right way. Fact is neither you nor I know OP. Anyway, see my own reply to OP in my comments. "Further, I studied buddhism for a while. I have no idea what you're talking about. In other words, YMMV." I've often experienced this kind of reaction from today's Buddhists. I don't understand why. What I do know is that it's impossible to understand the truth with untruthfulness inside oneself. I also studied Buddhism for long years, traveled a lot, and met a lot of people, but I've never found in any country a Buddhism which is for the living people. It's critical that this result is informed accurately to human society so that people can protect themselves from being cheated by falsehood.
pseut 14y ago
> Don't lie to your parents. They're your safe harbour, they will understand and help you. Tell them what's going on. I understand what you mean by this, but just wanted to comment that this is not unambiguously good advice. Some parents have their own issues (severe anxiety, substance abuse, poor interpersonal skills, etc) and can't act as a safe harbor; lie to those parents if you've got to! Leave them in the dark! Find someone else to talk to about your problems. I am glad that you have supportive and stable parents, though, but some people don't.
- lubos 14y ago
  Same thoughts here. My parents are simple people. If I would tell them I had less sign-ups this week than last week, they would be pretty devastated. Talking anything more serious is no-go.
  - sbilstein 14y ago
    Same here. Love them, but they don't really understand and I don't want to trouble them.
    - ams6110 14y ago
      [edit: removed baseless cheap shot] I bet they understand a lot more about life than you do.
      - pseut 14y ago
        > I bet they understand a lot more about life than you do. Dude, WTF? I know this isn't a reply to me directly but here's an example of the sort of thing I had in mind. I have premature twins that were born last January three months early (they are doing great now, BTW). While they were in the hospital, family came and visited sporadically. One of our parents (I'll be vague) was with us in the hospital when my wife and I were mistakenly told by doctor that our son had potentially severe brain damage (IMMEDIATE PARENTHETICAL NOTE: he did not and is doing great, they misread the MRI). So, my wife and I are pretty alarmed and stressed. The visiting parent, on the other hand, was stammering and incoherent for days afterwards, totally unable to handle it. If we had been counting on him or her for emotional support, understanding, really anything at all of substance this meltdown would have been a problem. But we weren't, because, you know, we've known this parent for a while now and realize and accept his or her limitations. This response was unsurprising. The point I was trying to make in my initial comment[1] is that, for some people, it is naive and dangerous to think of your parents as a "safe harbor" and you need to look elsewhere. Not everyone has all of the strengths and perspective that I can only assume your parents do. Mythologizing people as universally "knowing more about life than you do" because they're a little older is bullshit. [1] http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5258613 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5258613
j45 14y ago
Sorry to hear about your relationship. I've never understood it but wanted to say that sometimes we come together to bear witness to someone else's life for a little, or long while. Have no doubt there is more in your future as hard as it might seem to find yourself after defining yourself as part of a unit. It's doable, you existed before and you will exist again.
xenen 14y ago
I want to give you my applause instead of condolences. You can't lose something without taking risks, and taking risks is what makes life interesting and worthy of living. I'm sorry you lost your wife - it's one of the hardest things we can go through, but like all bruises and cuts, it's not gonna be permanent. All the best wishes for you.
freshfunk 14y ago
Pretty much spot on for my experience with entrepreneurship.

by Maro 14y ago

danabramov 14y ago

>Don't lie to your parents. This. During a bad period, I moved in to live with my family for a couple of weeks. It helps to eat and talk together, and if you had a happy childhood, you'll feel safe and refreshed.

tillwe 14y ago
>This. Samefag detected.
thullo 14y ago
>This. Samefag detected.
whatsit 14y ago
I agree. In late 2009 when my startup tanked and my SO left me I was in a really bad place. Having a large family (parents, but also siblings) really helped me stay sane.

madaxe 14y ago

Man alive. That sounds like no fun. Also an entrepreneur here, and admittedly no (major) failures as yet, but I envy you at least having parents to fall back on. All alone in the world here. Nothing like the absence of any safety net to make you consider your decisions carefully.

ovi256 14y ago

Thanks for your story, I appreciate you sharing it. I agree with you about the only constant in life being change. I think it's even older than buddhism, I seem to recall it was Heraclitus who put it as "change is the only permanence". As for the OP, I hope he stops taking losing investor money so personally. The investors knew well they bought a lottery ticket. Had OP succeeded, the investors would, of course, have gladly taken their part of that upside. Now, he didn't, and they lost their ticket money. And that's all it was: ticket money, their fee for getting to play the game. I sympathize with what he's going through, and hope he'll get through.

metaperl 14y ago
> I agree with you about the only constant in life being change Change and motion are apparent. The only constant in life is LIFE ITSELF, which is stated as: 1 - balance (if one word is enough) 2 - rhythmic balance (if two words will do) 3 - rhythmic balanced interchange (if 3 words are necessary) or cold still white magnetic light = life itself = rest = balance... Change and motion are false information gained by sensing. I will now step down off my Walter Russell soapbox and humbly request you read "The Secret of Light" by aforesaid :)
raleec 14y ago
Small nitpick: Buddha(563 BCE-483 BCE (aged 80) or 411 and 400 BCE) predates Heraclitus(535 BC-475 BC), but your point definitely stands, as I'm sure that realization predates recorded history.
- shn 14y ago
  Wisdom transcends time, space and culture.

blueprint 14y ago

"The buddhists are right, the only constant in life is change" Not totally true. I want to point out that there's a huge gap between what Buddha saw and taught and what is said by the teachings in modern Buddhism. Gautama Buddha went to people basically every single day for 45 years and tried to awaken them. He absolutely did not teach people that it's possible to eliminate suffering while alive, and he never taught that meditation is a way to enlightenment. Instead, if we make a gist of the content of his life work teaching we can see that he taught two things: the theory of transmigration (reincarnation), and the law of cause and effect. He taught these things to make people realize how the world works, and what he taught is still totally accurate even by the view of today's world. There were ways in his teaching from the problems people have to the solutions they want to get. But those ways are absent from modern Buddhism. So we can conclude that while things in the world exist through change (reincarnation), there is another constant meaning in the world, and that is "truth", or law, of how the world works – the law of cause and effect. When we see and understand the world of the truth then what we find is permanent and never changes. All the answers are fixed. Only questions change.

specialist 14y ago
Maro is commiserating and you give him a theology/philosophy lesson. Further, I studied buddhism for a while. I have no idea what you're talking about. In other words, YMMV.
- blueprint 14y ago
  "Maro is commiserating and you give him a theology/philosophy lesson." You didn't point out a problem clearly, so I'm not sure what you think I should have done instead of branching a philosophy discussion. You'll note that the only thing to which I replied from Maro's answer is his comment about Buddhists being right. My reply has nothing to do with his commiseration, and I believe I stay on topic 100%. Besides, if you want me to reply to Maro's commiseration, my answer is that we should verify everything in OP's post first before deciding with what to commiserate. Why commiserate in places where OP is actually repeatedly at fault and chose the wrong way? How can you properly commiserate at times when OP was right if you can't see where they are? That's not justice to the investors, nor OP, nor is it the way to help OP to find the right way. Fact is neither you nor I know OP. Anyway, see my own reply to OP in my comments. "Further, I studied buddhism for a while. I have no idea what you're talking about. In other words, YMMV." I've often experienced this kind of reaction from today's Buddhists. I don't understand why. What I do know is that it's impossible to understand the truth with untruthfulness inside oneself. I also studied Buddhism for long years, traveled a lot, and met a lot of people, but I've never found in any country a Buddhism which is for the living people. It's critical that this result is informed accurately to human society so that people can protect themselves from being cheated by falsehood.

pseut 14y ago

> Don't lie to your parents. They're your safe harbour, they will understand and help you. Tell them what's going on. I understand what you mean by this, but just wanted to comment that this is not unambiguously good advice. Some parents have their own issues (severe anxiety, substance abuse, poor interpersonal skills, etc) and can't act as a safe harbor; lie to those parents if you've got to! Leave them in the dark! Find someone else to talk to about your problems. I am glad that you have supportive and stable parents, though, but some people don't.

lubos 14y ago
Same thoughts here. My parents are simple people. If I would tell them I had less sign-ups this week than last week, they would be pretty devastated. Talking anything more serious is no-go.
- sbilstein 14y ago
  Same here. Love them, but they don't really understand and I don't want to trouble them.
  - ams6110 14y ago
    [edit: removed baseless cheap shot] I bet they understand a lot more about life than you do.
    - pseut 14y ago
      > I bet they understand a lot more about life than you do. Dude, WTF? I know this isn't a reply to me directly but here's an example of the sort of thing I had in mind. I have premature twins that were born last January three months early (they are doing great now, BTW). While they were in the hospital, family came and visited sporadically. One of our parents (I'll be vague) was with us in the hospital when my wife and I were mistakenly told by doctor that our son had potentially severe brain damage (IMMEDIATE PARENTHETICAL NOTE: he did not and is doing great, they misread the MRI). So, my wife and I are pretty alarmed and stressed. The visiting parent, on the other hand, was stammering and incoherent for days afterwards, totally unable to handle it. If we had been counting on him or her for emotional support, understanding, really anything at all of substance this meltdown would have been a problem. But we weren't, because, you know, we've known this parent for a while now and realize and accept his or her limitations. This response was unsurprising. The point I was trying to make in my initial comment[1] is that, for some people, it is naive and dangerous to think of your parents as a "safe harbor" and you need to look elsewhere. Not everyone has all of the strengths and perspective that I can only assume your parents do. Mythologizing people as universally "knowing more about life than you do" because they're a little older is bullshit. [1] http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5258613 http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=5258613

j45 14y ago

Sorry to hear about your relationship. I've never understood it but wanted to say that sometimes we come together to bear witness to someone else's life for a little, or long while. Have no doubt there is more in your future as hard as it might seem to find yourself after defining yourself as part of a unit. It's doable, you existed before and you will exist again.

xenen 14y ago

I want to give you my applause instead of condolences. You can't lose something without taking risks, and taking risks is what makes life interesting and worthy of living. I'm sorry you lost your wife - it's one of the hardest things we can go through, but like all bruises and cuts, it's not gonna be permanent. All the best wishes for you.

freshfunk 14y ago

Pretty much spot on for my experience with entrepreneurship.