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So I am glad to not be the first comment on this post, because I almost was. Instead, I took a while to compose my thoughts and I'm going to take a whack at wri

So I am glad to not be the first comment on this post, because I almost was. Instead, I took a while to compose my thoughts and I'm going to take a whack at writing them down. To start, I just deactivated my facebook account to get away from exactly this type of rhetoric. Why? When I look back over my career, it is striking that I have received no career enrichment from any of my female peers or co-workers. Absolutely none. All of the help I've ever gotten has come from men. Do I take a dump on that kindness by punishing them for another person's bad behavior, or by assuming these guys only wanted to get into my pants? I can't live like that. A few years ago, I was pulling into my garage and because of whatever circumstance I have forgotten, my mind was grinding on the idea of prejudice. Specifically how the act of judging another person consumes resources in my mind that I am hesitant to commit, as I'd very much like to use as much of my mind as I can coordinate for more interesting things. This sounds arrogant, but I'm fine with that label and so let's move on. The way I think is the product of constantly having to not take on other people's drama in order to raise my standard of living. That's not the most elegant way of saying what I mean to say, but I'm a bit frustrated right now. The habit of not engaging makes me acutely aware that when I do engage, it is important to choose one's words carefully. I rarely get that right. This is a blatant attempt to engage other people in a negative way. I fail to see the benefits such finger-pointing, but I am willing to learn that there might be some. It seems that if there were no perceived benefit to the actor for the act, but from here it just looks like fighting fire with fire. As a woman in technology, I've seen some things. Mostly I just let it go. I don't think of it as having a thick skin (anyone who knows me will tell you, this is not a character attribute of mine). Rather I think of it as not letting other people's drama own any part of me. And that is what I think when anyone complains of anything, be it gender bias or racial bias or religious/political disagreement: nothing can own you unless you let it. Maybe this is what having a thick skin is supposed to mean. As I have said to my kids countless times, your anger hurts you the most. I can't find a clear source for this quote, but it goes something like, "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." This is not how you teach kids to deal with bullies.

emily37 14y ago
Well said. If I had read something like this when I was eight years old, I probably would have almost immediately backtracked and started looking for something else to do with my life. The author could instead tell her niece that being a game developer sounds like fun, and then help her deal with any discrimination as it comes up, if it comes up at all. But to start off a person's career with the message that she is going to be discriminated against, that she is going to be at a disadvantage, that she should watch out for all those people trying to drag her down... that's just sabotage.
- elptacek 14y ago
  Sabotage is the right word. Also, it's a syllogistic fallacy, right? If you asked 100 people if they perceived some disadvantage about themselves that impedes progress to their life goals, you would get 100 answers. And yet somehow there are 7bn of us, we build skyscrapers and send robots to Mars. Personally, I've had my fill of "if it bleeds, it leads."
- flurie 14y ago
  This letter was not written for an eight-year-old. The real eight-year-old is used as an angle to garner sympathy from us, the intended audience, but the hypothetical eight-year-old is a MacGuffin.
  - emily37 14y ago
    Yes, I would hope that the author wouldn't include "sausage party" in a letter to her real niece. :) So let me rephrase: I don't see the point in making broad statements about the presence of discrimination in our field, because these statements will drive away people who might have had perfectly satisfying careers in tech completely unhampered by discrimination. In my experience, constantly being made aware of the gender imbalance has been much more damaging than any actual gender discrimination. (Though of course I'm sure many other members of underrepresented groups have not been as lucky.)
danso 14y ago
I think this is a reasonable attitude to have, but I think it presents the situation as a false dichotomy. It's not a choice between pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps or live-in-anger-and-finger-pointing. The discussions on this too often devolve into slippery slopes: if -this- is sexism, then how long until we're so PC and whiny that no one is ever judged on their merits? Like every complex situation in life, things aren't slippery slopes, it's always you're-either-with-us-or-against-us...but I think the sincere frustration that both sides have on this is that there doesn't seem any perfect solution...OK, but there's still room to improve. And I've been someone who tends not to complain, but I've come to be more appreciative of those who do play the part of the squeaky wheel. Not everyone can wait for society to slowly evolve. In terms of the OP, I think it's a good sincere effort to raise awareness. However, as this is a complex issue, I just think that mantras are of limited value and tend to polarize something that isn't helped by polarization. Also, too many colors.

emily37 14y ago

Well said. If I had read something like this when I was eight years old, I probably would have almost immediately backtracked and started looking for something else to do with my life. The author could instead tell her niece that being a game developer sounds like fun, and then help her deal with any discrimination as it comes up, if it comes up at all. But to start off a person's career with the message that she is going to be discriminated against, that she is going to be at a disadvantage, that she should watch out for all those people trying to drag her down... that's just sabotage.

elptacek 14y ago
Sabotage is the right word. Also, it's a syllogistic fallacy, right? If you asked 100 people if they perceived some disadvantage about themselves that impedes progress to their life goals, you would get 100 answers. And yet somehow there are 7bn of us, we build skyscrapers and send robots to Mars. Personally, I've had my fill of "if it bleeds, it leads."
flurie 14y ago
This letter was not written for an eight-year-old. The real eight-year-old is used as an angle to garner sympathy from us, the intended audience, but the hypothetical eight-year-old is a MacGuffin.
- emily37 14y ago
  Yes, I would hope that the author wouldn't include "sausage party" in a letter to her real niece. :) So let me rephrase: I don't see the point in making broad statements about the presence of discrimination in our field, because these statements will drive away people who might have had perfectly satisfying careers in tech completely unhampered by discrimination. In my experience, constantly being made aware of the gender imbalance has been much more damaging than any actual gender discrimination. (Though of course I'm sure many other members of underrepresented groups have not been as lucky.)

danso 14y ago

I think this is a reasonable attitude to have, but I think it presents the situation as a false dichotomy. It's not a choice between pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps or live-in-anger-and-finger-pointing. The discussions on this too often devolve into slippery slopes: if -this- is sexism, then how long until we're so PC and whiny that no one is ever judged on their merits? Like every complex situation in life, things aren't slippery slopes, it's always you're-either-with-us-or-against-us...but I think the sincere frustration that both sides have on this is that there doesn't seem any perfect solution...OK, but there's still room to improve. And I've been someone who tends not to complain, but I've come to be more appreciative of those who do play the part of the squeaky wheel. Not everyone can wait for society to slowly evolve. In terms of the OP, I think it's a good sincere effort to raise awareness. However, as this is a complex issue, I just think that mantras are of limited value and tend to polarize something that isn't helped by polarization. Also, too many colors.