4 ms·

Actually, one of the ironies of living in a big city like New York is that even with all of the options, loneliness is more prevalent[1]. [1]: http://www.aeonm

by pdog 14y ago

Actually, one of the ironies of living in a big city like New York is that even with all of the options, loneliness is more prevalent[1]. [1]: http://www.aeonmagazine.com/being-human/olivia-laing-me-lonely-in-manhattan/ http://www.aeonmagazine.com/being-human/olivia-laing-me-lone...

speeder 14y ago
I live in São Paulo (the whole metropolis has 30 million people) and I feel horribly lonely. Plainly because everyone is like visitors, I see thousands of people every day, and I don't know any of them, as I move around the city (I lived in 4 different places in the city over the years), I noticed that I never felt at home, it is like being a eternal stranger, a eternal visitor. When I lived in a 100k people town, I remember that I could realiably find the same people in the same places, for example I could go eat a hot dog at night in a park, and talk with the regular, build friendships, and so on. And yet, it was still strange... But São Paulo? Well, I could take the same route every single day, and don't see the same people twice. It is just horrible. I only don't feel depressingly lonely, because I made friendship with some people over internet, and every month we all meet on someone house.
- potatolicious 14y ago
  > "Well, I could take the same route every single day, and don't see the same people twice. It is just horrible." Have you tried to see them twice? Have you asked? Having lived in quite a few large metros in my life, and now living in NYC, I have to say: the city is as impersonal and isolating as you let it be. My challenge to you: forget every preconceived notion you have about strangers, how you're supposed to behave in public, and the how and the whys of friendship and hanging out - and go talk to some strangers. You'll get some weird looks, but your success rate will be 1-2 orders of magnitude higher than what you'd expect. I've seen this stance expressed on HN before and receive some flak - but I say fuck the naysayers. They can have solitude if they wish, but there is no crime in asking a stranger to shoot the shit over coffee, and anyone whose day would be ruined by such a request is oversensitive and paranoid to the point of absurdism.
- malandrew 14y ago
  I used to live in São Paulo (now in SF) and I know a lot of software developers there. Hit me up via the email in my profile if you want any introductions. My biggest gripe with SP insofar as loneliness is concerned is that although there are tons of people to meet and be friends with, the shitty logistics of moving around the city made it very unlikely that I would actually get out of the house and visit my friends. In SF I can get to the house of practically any friend in 10-45 minutes. In SP, it often took more than double that to meet my friends. When you can bank on spending ~40 minutes each way to visit a friend, you start going out a lot less.

by pdog 14y ago

speeder 14y ago

I live in São Paulo (the whole metropolis has 30 million people) and I feel horribly lonely. Plainly because everyone is like visitors, I see thousands of people every day, and I don't know any of them, as I move around the city (I lived in 4 different places in the city over the years), I noticed that I never felt at home, it is like being a eternal stranger, a eternal visitor. When I lived in a 100k people town, I remember that I could realiably find the same people in the same places, for example I could go eat a hot dog at night in a park, and talk with the regular, build friendships, and so on. And yet, it was still strange... But São Paulo? Well, I could take the same route every single day, and don't see the same people twice. It is just horrible. I only don't feel depressingly lonely, because I made friendship with some people over internet, and every month we all meet on someone house.

potatolicious 14y ago
> "Well, I could take the same route every single day, and don't see the same people twice. It is just horrible." Have you tried to see them twice? Have you asked? Having lived in quite a few large metros in my life, and now living in NYC, I have to say: the city is as impersonal and isolating as you let it be. My challenge to you: forget every preconceived notion you have about strangers, how you're supposed to behave in public, and the how and the whys of friendship and hanging out - and go talk to some strangers. You'll get some weird looks, but your success rate will be 1-2 orders of magnitude higher than what you'd expect. I've seen this stance expressed on HN before and receive some flak - but I say fuck the naysayers. They can have solitude if they wish, but there is no crime in asking a stranger to shoot the shit over coffee, and anyone whose day would be ruined by such a request is oversensitive and paranoid to the point of absurdism.
malandrew 14y ago
I used to live in São Paulo (now in SF) and I know a lot of software developers there. Hit me up via the email in my profile if you want any introductions. My biggest gripe with SP insofar as loneliness is concerned is that although there are tons of people to meet and be friends with, the shitty logistics of moving around the city made it very unlikely that I would actually get out of the house and visit my friends. In SF I can get to the house of practically any friend in 10-45 minutes. In SP, it often took more than double that to meet my friends. When you can bank on spending ~40 minutes each way to visit a friend, you start going out a lot less.