No offense, but you probably should have thought this through a little more before ranting on the internet about it. If Chrome works for almost everybody else,

No offense, but you probably should have thought this through a little more before ranting on the internet about it. If Chrome works for almost everybody else, and worked for you until moving, then the problem probably isn't that Chrome mysteriously broke, but that your new network connection is flaky. In fact, almost all of the things you were ranting about could be explained by a bad network connection.