5 ms·

If Only: FizzBin, a secret code to get better tech support

9 points by zcrar70 18y ago

raganwald 18y ago
Since we find unintended consequences interesting, I'll suggest that Fizzbin (which is a Trekkie reference, natch) will not work as Scott suggests. Tech support workers are crowded into cubicle farms and pressured to process as many tickets per hour as possible, with managers applying brutal metrics and quotas to them. Their incentive is to get off the phone quickly. A nerd on the other end of the phone will be perceived as a demanding, chatty customer who will not go along meekly with whatever the tech suggests, but who will instead challenge every suggestion and insist on complicated and time-consuming investigations. Therefore, I predict that the moment you utter the code word, the tech will get you off the phone by any means necessary, including blatant lies or accidentally hanging up on you in the hope that when you call back you will torture another tech.
- thaumaturgy 18y ago
  I'd guess that to only be true if the tech isn't also a nerd. Nerd-to-nerd communications usually run at full duplex with compression on.
nopassrecover 18y ago
I noticed this comment: "When I reapply to jobs, I intend to put something similar on my resume, upper right corner. What exactly is still up in the air, but perhaps something like a[5] == 5[a], More Magic, or 0x5f3759d5." I get that "More Magic" is from this story (http://catb.org/esr/jargon/html/magic-story.html http://catb.org/esr/jargon/html/magic-story.html) and that "0x5f3759d5" is from Quake's Fast Inverse Square Root code (http://betterexplained.com/articles/understanding-quakes-fast-inverse-square-root/ http://betterexplained.com/articles/understanding-quakes-fas...). I think a Steve Yegge post mentioned the equivalence of the a[5] == 5[a] principle but I can't seem to find any reference online expanding on this - anyone care to elaborate on this principle and/or possibly link the post if it actually exists?
- ivey 18y ago
  My C is really weak (I'm a Ruby guy) but here's the best I can do. Two things make this work: 1, in C, an array can be treated like a pointer that points to the first element of the array. 2, pointers have a subscript notation. That is, for a pointer p, p[i] is the same is * (p + i). (where pointer addition goes by sizeof the thing pointed to). So, a[5] is really * (a + 5) ... and 5[a] is * (5 + a). Same thing, although 5[a] looks really weird and will make people hate you if you use it. http://www.ibiblio.org/pub/languages/fortran/append-c.html http://www.ibiblio.org/pub/languages/fortran/append-c.html was helpful in reminding me of the specifics, since I couldn't find my K&R.
  - nopassrecover 18y ago
    Awesome thanks :-)
thaumaturgy 18y ago
No, please don't do this. I've worked on both sides of tech support, and simply saying "FizzBin" or any other silly phrase doesn't give either party any actual information about the other's knowledge. I use Firefox -> FizzBin I am a Firefox developer -> FizzBin I know what an ethernet card is -> FizzBin I advised IEEE on ethernet communications -> FizzBin I am a brilliant electrical engineer -> FizzBin I am a brilliant electrical engineer that doesn't understand software at all and I have a huge chip on my shoulder too -> FizzBin NO. The "geek handshake" is far simpler, and more informative. When calling, tell the technician everything you've already done to diagnose / troubleshoot the problem, using whatever terminology you're comfortable with: "Hi, I'm having a weird problem with this DSL connection, it's a new connection and I've got a sync/no-surf on the modem. The VCI and VPI settings look like they're correct, they're 0/35. The computer can connect to the modem just fine. I have no DNS and no ping to a known good IP." If the technician then says, "OK sir, and have you tried restarting the computer?", then you know you're dealing with an idiot. Escalate it. If the technician says, "OK, well I can get an ATM ping to your line so it looks like a faulty unit, we'll ship you another one", then you're done. I've used this for years.
- pavel_lishin 18y ago
  Not to mention, what happens when inevitably idiots with delusions of competence catch on and everyone from Granny to Clueless IT Manager start saying it reflexively.
zacharydanger 18y ago
This goes both ways, you never know if the technician knows what their talking about or if they're just another dolt reading from a script.

9 points by zcrar70 18y ago

Since we find unintended consequences interesting, I'll suggest that Fizzbin (which is a Trekkie reference, natch) will not work as Scott suggests. Tech support workers are crowded into cubicle farms and pressured to process as many tickets per hour as possible, with managers applying brutal metrics and quotas to them. Their incentive is to get off the phone quickly. A nerd on the other end of the phone will be perceived as a demanding, chatty customer who will not go along meekly with whatever the tech suggests, but who will instead challenge every suggestion and insist on complicated and time-consuming investigations. Therefore, I predict that the moment you utter the code word, the tech will get you off the phone by any means necessary, including blatant lies or accidentally hanging up on you in the hope that when you call back you will torture another tech.

thaumaturgy 18y ago
I'd guess that to only be true if the tech isn't also a nerd. Nerd-to-nerd communications usually run at full duplex with compression on.

nopassrecover 18y ago

I noticed this comment: "When I reapply to jobs, I intend to put something similar on my resume, upper right corner. What exactly is still up in the air, but perhaps something like a[5] == 5[a], More Magic, or 0x5f3759d5." I get that "More Magic" is from this story (http://catb.org/esr/jargon/html/magic-story.html http://catb.org/esr/jargon/html/magic-story.html) and that "0x5f3759d5" is from Quake's Fast Inverse Square Root code (http://betterexplained.com/articles/understanding-quakes-fast-inverse-square-root/ http://betterexplained.com/articles/understanding-quakes-fas...). I think a Steve Yegge post mentioned the equivalence of the a[5] == 5[a] principle but I can't seem to find any reference online expanding on this - anyone care to elaborate on this principle and/or possibly link the post if it actually exists?

ivey 18y ago
My C is really weak (I'm a Ruby guy) but here's the best I can do. Two things make this work: 1, in C, an array can be treated like a pointer that points to the first element of the array. 2, pointers have a subscript notation. That is, for a pointer p, p[i] is the same is * (p + i). (where pointer addition goes by sizeof the thing pointed to). So, a[5] is really * (a + 5) ... and 5[a] is * (5 + a). Same thing, although 5[a] looks really weird and will make people hate you if you use it. http://www.ibiblio.org/pub/languages/fortran/append-c.html http://www.ibiblio.org/pub/languages/fortran/append-c.html was helpful in reminding me of the specifics, since I couldn't find my K&R.
- nopassrecover 18y ago
  Awesome thanks :-)

thaumaturgy 18y ago

No, please don't do this. I've worked on both sides of tech support, and simply saying "FizzBin" or any other silly phrase doesn't give either party any actual information about the other's knowledge. I use Firefox -> FizzBin I am a Firefox developer -> FizzBin I know what an ethernet card is -> FizzBin I advised IEEE on ethernet communications -> FizzBin I am a brilliant electrical engineer -> FizzBin I am a brilliant electrical engineer that doesn't understand software at all and I have a huge chip on my shoulder too -> FizzBin NO. The "geek handshake" is far simpler, and more informative. When calling, tell the technician everything you've already done to diagnose / troubleshoot the problem, using whatever terminology you're comfortable with: "Hi, I'm having a weird problem with this DSL connection, it's a new connection and I've got a sync/no-surf on the modem. The VCI and VPI settings look like they're correct, they're 0/35. The computer can connect to the modem just fine. I have no DNS and no ping to a known good IP." If the technician then says, "OK sir, and have you tried restarting the computer?", then you know you're dealing with an idiot. Escalate it. If the technician says, "OK, well I can get an ATM ping to your line so it looks like a faulty unit, we'll ship you another one", then you're done. I've used this for years.

pavel_lishin 18y ago
Not to mention, what happens when inevitably idiots with delusions of competence catch on and everyone from Granny to Clueless IT Manager start saying it reflexively.

zacharydanger 18y ago

This goes both ways, you never know if the technician knows what their talking about or if they're just another dolt reading from a script.