I have a few suggestions: 1. Make it more personal. Who are you? Why do you care? Why are you NOT just a suit looking to represent someone and earn an income?

I have a few suggestions: 1. Make it more personal. Who are you? Why do you care? Why are you NOT just a suit looking to represent someone and earn an income? 2. Don't ask questions to make your point per se; e.g. instead of "Are you..." & "Have you...", begin with a short description of what your website is. In fact, the last two sentences are the most compelling, not the first two. 3. Show passion. You just described experience with victimization. Translate that into passion and sympathy for other people. You're not a lawyer. But I could have confused you for one. Lawyers are not generally trusted as a identity group - individual lawyers have to prove themselves competent and trustworthy. But before that, they are very often treated with suspicion by the public. That's too much work for you or a startup. You don't have much to go on right this second - secure user trust by playing to emotion with your experience. That's front page worthy. I hope that helps, David.