4 ms·

It sucks to be female

35 points by zachinglis 14y ago

kunai 14y ago
To the author: clapclap* Beautiful. It's a shame great stuff like this falls through the cracks on HN. I really do not know what to say, except that your story was very inspiring and I wish you the best with the future. I'm sorry about your losses, and I hope you continue doing what you love and put the past behind you. The world is a better place because of your achievements. -kunai
deleted 14y ago
[deleted]
- mnicole 14y ago
  Informing you that the guy that is lusting after you is married after he skirted the issue is bad behavior?
- groovy2shoes 14y ago
  It wasn't a dance. It was a game. The bad behavior wasn't that they shared a time of their lives, it was the behavior that ensued when the sharing was over. How often do men have to deal with that? I know a lot of women who've had to deal with it -- not just in our industry.
smky80 14y ago
I really think the author really draws the wrong message out of this. It sucks that, because there is really no objective way to determine "merit", your position in the social graph can be more important than your talents in terms of your career. Meaning a person with some amount of social power can affect your career negatively just because they don't like you. That applies to both men and women, and it happens an awful lot to both. Anyway, there are quite a few advantages to being a woman in Western society. If she really hated this guy, she could have just married him and then took half his stuff.
- underwires 14y ago
  I really don't think you are in a position to say what message the author should be getting out of her personal life. Your comment reeks of privilege.
  - smky80 14y ago
    I'm in a position to post my opinions, be they popular or not, on a discussion of an article I read on the internet. Your comment reeks of a worldview that I don't share.
- mnicole 14y ago
  > Meaning a person with some amount of social power can affect your career negatively just because they don't like you. Right, but it should be based on something a little more tangible than a Twitter picture and denying sex after creepy DMs and fake client calls. This is the type of behavior that should be called out. I'm as on the fence as anyone else about naming names in these situations (because even if it is true, the fame of the accused could backfire on the victim), but this one seems pretty cut-and-dry. I personally don't know, based on her descriptions of him, who he is, but if these allegations are true and other women can come forward with similar stories, something should be said. > If she really hated this guy, she could have just married him and then took half his stuff. Oh for crying out loud; damned if you do, damned if you don't. He was married and lying to her and other women about it while going around conferences sleazing on them and then badmouthing them in front of his equally celebrity-status peers when they turned him down. If this was a story about a girl who was pressured to be with someone for all the wrong reasons, I can only imagine what the comments here would be like.
  - smky80 14y ago
    I'm not defending the guy at all. My point is that this general scenario -- upset some person with a certain amount of power, who then makes your life miserable -- happens quite frequently to men as well. The title of the post is that "it sucks to be female" and I don't agree that follows from the post. The marriage comment was mostly a joke, but it does illustrate the point that Western women enjoy a lot of "priviledge" themselves. It shouldn't need to be said, but I'll add that this doesn't make sexual harassment acceptable.

35 points by zachinglis 14y ago

kunai 14y ago

To the author: clapclap* Beautiful. It's a shame great stuff like this falls through the cracks on HN. I really do not know what to say, except that your story was very inspiring and I wish you the best with the future. I'm sorry about your losses, and I hope you continue doing what you love and put the past behind you. The world is a better place because of your achievements. -kunai

deleted 14y ago

[deleted]

mnicole 14y ago
Informing you that the guy that is lusting after you is married after he skirted the issue is bad behavior?
groovy2shoes 14y ago
It wasn't a dance. It was a game. The bad behavior wasn't that they shared a time of their lives, it was the behavior that ensued when the sharing was over. How often do men have to deal with that? I know a lot of women who've had to deal with it -- not just in our industry.

smky80 14y ago

I really think the author really draws the wrong message out of this. It sucks that, because there is really no objective way to determine "merit", your position in the social graph can be more important than your talents in terms of your career. Meaning a person with some amount of social power can affect your career negatively just because they don't like you. That applies to both men and women, and it happens an awful lot to both. Anyway, there are quite a few advantages to being a woman in Western society. If she really hated this guy, she could have just married him and then took half his stuff.

underwires 14y ago
I really don't think you are in a position to say what message the author should be getting out of her personal life. Your comment reeks of privilege.
- smky80 14y ago
  I'm in a position to post my opinions, be they popular or not, on a discussion of an article I read on the internet. Your comment reeks of a worldview that I don't share.
mnicole 14y ago
> Meaning a person with some amount of social power can affect your career negatively just because they don't like you. Right, but it should be based on something a little more tangible than a Twitter picture and denying sex after creepy DMs and fake client calls. This is the type of behavior that should be called out. I'm as on the fence as anyone else about naming names in these situations (because even if it is true, the fame of the accused could backfire on the victim), but this one seems pretty cut-and-dry. I personally don't know, based on her descriptions of him, who he is, but if these allegations are true and other women can come forward with similar stories, something should be said. > If she really hated this guy, she could have just married him and then took half his stuff. Oh for crying out loud; damned if you do, damned if you don't. He was married and lying to her and other women about it while going around conferences sleazing on them and then badmouthing them in front of his equally celebrity-status peers when they turned him down. If this was a story about a girl who was pressured to be with someone for all the wrong reasons, I can only imagine what the comments here would be like.
- smky80 14y ago
  I'm not defending the guy at all. My point is that this general scenario -- upset some person with a certain amount of power, who then makes your life miserable -- happens quite frequently to men as well. The title of the post is that "it sucks to be female" and I don't agree that follows from the post. The marriage comment was mostly a joke, but it does illustrate the point that Western women enjoy a lot of "priviledge" themselves. It shouldn't need to be said, but I'll add that this doesn't make sexual harassment acceptable.