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If you are not a parent, evaluating parenting strategies is not possible As devil's advocate, i would argue this is not true. There are externalities to any st

by 001sky 14y ago

If you are not a parent, evaluating parenting strategies is not possible As devil's advocate, i would argue this is not true. There are externalities to any strategy. And one can judge the impact of strategy X on people outside the immediate family. This is perhaps a caveat outside the scope of the context, but when evaluating things generally is worth pointing out.

abstractbill 14y ago
I think it's not quite literally true, but if you wanted to evaluate parenting strategies and were not a parent, you would have to put a lot of effort into observing parents (as opposed to just thinking about it a lot).
- neumann_alfred 14y ago
  Since it's all just anecdotal anyway, I also like to think back to teachers and other adults. As a general rule, those who treated me "as an equal" (not an actual equal, but without condescension or trickery that wasn't for the purpose of humour or pain/fright relief), I loved to learn from, did never mind to be corrected by. The rest? I found holes in their facade and had at them. Nature abhors a vacuum, and strong children abhor fake authority. Weak parents think disrespect is the problem, when often enough it's their own weakness. Children aren't "programmed" by nature to be a pain in the ass, far from it. They are "programmed" to learn, to be curious, and to love even. It actually takes quite a bit of fuckery to destroy that, but our society is good at it. And then those kids become parents and perpetuate it.
- dllthomas 14y ago
  Right, something like "and you're not a parent [or a scientist studying child rearing]"
larrys 14y ago
"As devil's advocate, i would argue this is not true" I could argue either side of this but I would simply like to add that as a parent perspective also depends on the particular of your kids. Parent in situations "that work" who observe situations that don't work sometimes fail to see reasons out of anyone's control as to why a particular strategy may or may not work with a child. In a sense someone with no children at all actually might have less of a bias ironically. (I have children..)
- ChuckMcM 14y ago
  ... as a parent perspective also depends on the particular of your kids +1 to this too, so when my first child was born I was very scientific, I watched her reactions to things, trying to understand her needs and her wants, how to interpret a cry of frustration from a cry of pain, etc. I was so totally an expert. And then my second daughter was born and she was different, literally from the moment she popped out of the womb. Her response, her verbalization, her responses. It was there and then that I realized that and advice about any specific kid, was likely as not completely worthless to parent of some other kid. All you could do is discuss 'strategies' for understanding or responding. Even simple things like 'cloth' vs 'disposable' diapers vary on their effectiveness between different kids. Parenting has easily been both the hardest and most rewarding thing I've done with my life. And I came to realize early on that every parenting journey is unique. I think other parents figure this out too.

by 001sky 14y ago

abstractbill 14y ago

I think it's not quite literally true, but if you wanted to evaluate parenting strategies and were not a parent, you would have to put a lot of effort into observing parents (as opposed to just thinking about it a lot).

neumann_alfred 14y ago
Since it's all just anecdotal anyway, I also like to think back to teachers and other adults. As a general rule, those who treated me "as an equal" (not an actual equal, but without condescension or trickery that wasn't for the purpose of humour or pain/fright relief), I loved to learn from, did never mind to be corrected by. The rest? I found holes in their facade and had at them. Nature abhors a vacuum, and strong children abhor fake authority. Weak parents think disrespect is the problem, when often enough it's their own weakness. Children aren't "programmed" by nature to be a pain in the ass, far from it. They are "programmed" to learn, to be curious, and to love even. It actually takes quite a bit of fuckery to destroy that, but our society is good at it. And then those kids become parents and perpetuate it.
dllthomas 14y ago
Right, something like "and you're not a parent [or a scientist studying child rearing]"

larrys 14y ago

"As devil's advocate, i would argue this is not true" I could argue either side of this but I would simply like to add that as a parent perspective also depends on the particular of your kids. Parent in situations "that work" who observe situations that don't work sometimes fail to see reasons out of anyone's control as to why a particular strategy may or may not work with a child. In a sense someone with no children at all actually might have less of a bias ironically. (I have children..)

ChuckMcM 14y ago
... as a parent perspective also depends on the particular of your kids +1 to this too, so when my first child was born I was very scientific, I watched her reactions to things, trying to understand her needs and her wants, how to interpret a cry of frustration from a cry of pain, etc. I was so totally an expert. And then my second daughter was born and she was different, literally from the moment she popped out of the womb. Her response, her verbalization, her responses. It was there and then that I realized that and advice about any specific kid, was likely as not completely worthless to parent of some other kid. All you could do is discuss 'strategies' for understanding or responding. Even simple things like 'cloth' vs 'disposable' diapers vary on their effectiveness between different kids. Parenting has easily been both the hardest and most rewarding thing I've done with my life. And I came to realize early on that every parenting journey is unique. I think other parents figure this out too.