it's what I've told others too, it's like living behind a filter, and every thought and every idea is focused on the negative and false. and the thing is, that

it's what I've told others too, it's like living behind a filter, and every thought and every idea is focused on the negative and false. and the thing is, that I've had it for so long, a decade maybe? probably was there before I even recognized what it was. but for me it comes and goes, and when it comes I've learned to see the filter, it's just harder to remember what things look like in reality. but I'm doing well, I dont have it quite as bad as some, and it goes away and I've learned to cope and figure out and get past it, but... it's never going to stop coming back, and I also know it brings back a kind of brightness and sharpness when it leaves, something I actually do enjoy. I'm sometimes dysfunctional because of it, but mostly... I'm just me, I do alright and I'd rather not change me just yet, so for now I'll deal with it, because it helps me help others.