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>"...avoid letting the stalker know how you feel about it..." No, this is not always the right answer. What you're saying is basically, "lead the stalker on."

>"...avoid letting the stalker know how you feel about it..." No, this is not always the right answer. What you're saying is basically, "lead the stalker on." How to handle the stalker depends on what kind of mental illness (if any) they are afflicted with. Depending on what's going on in the stalker's head, they may often fly off the handle, get angry, but then (fairly quickly) find a new target to focus their energy on. With many people, the longer you draw the rejection out, the worse it gets. Here's some better advice: get in contact with a good lawyer and a good psychologist. Frankly, it's a little irresponsible for you to be handing out advice like this.

mattm 14y ago
Is this based on your experience?
- jlgreco 14y ago
  Contacting professionals seems like sound advice regardless of his personal experience.
  - btilly 14y ago
    I presume that that comment was directed at the, "...it's a little irresponsible..." bit. Not the contacting professionals part. I am all for contacting professionals. Stalking is potentially a life or death matter. You don't want to go with random advice from random people on the internet. That said, if your professionals offer advice similar to what professionals in the past have told people that I know, this will be the basic message. Once someone has formed an extreme enough obsession that it becomes stalking, there is no easy way to let them down. Nobody can predict who will flip out, or what manner that will take. The legal system does not offer effective protection against people who have not actually broken the law yet. Therefore people that I know who have talked to professionals in the field have been told that if the stalker has not yet turned negative, cut off contact, and be careful to avoid confronting the stalker with how unwelcome the attention is.
scott_s 14y ago
There's a difference between ignoring and leading someone on.
illuminate 14y ago
"Depending on what's going on in the stalker's head, they may often fly off the handle, get angry, but then (fairly quickly) find a new target to focus their energy on. With many people, the longer you draw the rejection out, the worse it gets." And your advocacy of confrontation is also highly irresponsible. Take your own advice.
- ignostic 14y ago
  I don't know whether you're just unnecessarily petty or if you genuinely failed to understand, but I'll assume that I wasn't clear enough. I never advocated confrontation - not by a long shot. I said that being direct may sometimes be necessary. I thought it was pretty clear that the only advice I gave is to contact a professional.
  - illuminate 14y ago
    I'm not being petty, if your only advice is to contact a professional, discussing the positives and negatives of contact runs contrary to and distracts from your intentions.

mattm 14y ago

Is this based on your experience?

jlgreco 14y ago
Contacting professionals seems like sound advice regardless of his personal experience.
- btilly 14y ago
  I presume that that comment was directed at the, "...it's a little irresponsible..." bit. Not the contacting professionals part. I am all for contacting professionals. Stalking is potentially a life or death matter. You don't want to go with random advice from random people on the internet. That said, if your professionals offer advice similar to what professionals in the past have told people that I know, this will be the basic message. Once someone has formed an extreme enough obsession that it becomes stalking, there is no easy way to let them down. Nobody can predict who will flip out, or what manner that will take. The legal system does not offer effective protection against people who have not actually broken the law yet. Therefore people that I know who have talked to professionals in the field have been told that if the stalker has not yet turned negative, cut off contact, and be careful to avoid confronting the stalker with how unwelcome the attention is.

scott_s 14y ago

There's a difference between ignoring and leading someone on.

illuminate 14y ago

"Depending on what's going on in the stalker's head, they may often fly off the handle, get angry, but then (fairly quickly) find a new target to focus their energy on. With many people, the longer you draw the rejection out, the worse it gets." And your advocacy of confrontation is also highly irresponsible. Take your own advice.

ignostic 14y ago
I don't know whether you're just unnecessarily petty or if you genuinely failed to understand, but I'll assume that I wasn't clear enough. I never advocated confrontation - not by a long shot. I said that being direct may sometimes be necessary. I thought it was pretty clear that the only advice I gave is to contact a professional.
- illuminate 14y ago
  I'm not being petty, if your only advice is to contact a professional, discussing the positives and negatives of contact runs contrary to and distracts from your intentions.