4 ms·

Several months after our relationship began, I recommended that he interview at Square. I don't know Keith, anyone at his company, this story or have any opini

Several months after our relationship began, I recommended that he interview at Square. I don't know Keith, anyone at his company, this story or have any opinion on who did or didn't do what to whom. I will just say this: The quote above, regardless of who says it when, is perhaps the worst business decision a person could ever make. Full Stop. Please, don't do this. Especially if you are the boss.

danso 14y ago
That, combined with this: > Square did not know of the relationship before a lawsuit was threatened; it came as a complete surprise to the company. Is what makes it "perhaps the worst business decision a person could ever make"
- koide 14y ago
  Even if they do know, it's still an awful decision to take. The less likely outcome is that everything will go fine forever after. It will very likely either become a mess (awkward situations, loss of job even for third parties, etc.) or a disaster for everyone involved (like a sexual harassment lawsuit.) Espcially if you are the boss. And even more if the person wasn't working there to begin with!
spuz 14y ago
I don't understand. Maybe we have different professional cultures. Why is having an undisclosed relationship with another employee the worst possible business decision? (Certainly in my culture I can think of much worse decisions one person could make).
- danso 14y ago
  1. "You want to break up with me? oK, you're fired" 2. "Maybe Bob is the better qualified candidate, but I'm going to promote the guy who's having sex with me"
  - mturmon 14y ago
    3. "You're the boyfriend of the COO? Congratulations, you're hired into my group as advisor for internal strategy. Can we three have lunch together some time?"
    - MartinCron 14y ago
      I am embarrassed to say that this scenario is one I hadn't thought of. Fascinating.
      - mturmon 14y ago
        Yes, I was trying to dramatize a conflict of interest that was more relevant in this scenario, where the romance is not between a manager and his direct report. (Assuming the OP is correct.)
    - spuz 14y ago
      Again, this is a situation where there is a conflict of interest that could happen whether there is a romantic relationship between the two employees. Would HR really have the ability to stop such a promotion knowing that at the same time they must keep and relationship confidential? In the UK, I've never been asked by a company to disclose any office relationships. Usually such relationships are had in the open even between different level employees.
      - danso 14y ago
        Answer: Yes As for your own experience, note that you've observed open relationships between different level employees. Keith's was not open....so not sure what point you're trying to make. Put it this way: if everyone knows that senior manager Alice is in a relationship with first year employee Bob...how easy do you think it is for Alice to pull the strings to make sure Bob gets promoted past his merit? Sure, it can happen, but people aren't as likely to not notice it. And so Alice just may not try to pull the strings.
      - mturmon 14y ago
bksenior 14y ago
This is wildly dogmatic and not really based in reason. The risks of a relationship are evident, but what about the upside? Imagine the chance to vet someone over time for cultural and professional fit for a role that they might excel in. When a company gets large enough where there is zero interaction day to day are there no possibilities that this might work? Setting aside a lack of disclosure, is the leverage so great that someone is a liability having a social context? It just seems like people are pretty black and white on this. TL:DR Devils Advocate Postion
- danso 14y ago
  Wait...let me get this straight. You're asking "..is the leverage so great that someone is a liability" for having a relationship? And you're asking this in a thread in which the OP describes how his ex-lover's attempt at extortion (if we believe the OP) has forced him out of the company? I guess the answer to your question is...yes?
  - bksenior 14y ago
    Nope. The leverage was in his lack of reporting it, not the action of hiring a sig' other. The only thing that would serve as leverage would be emotional grief supposing that professional protocol was followed.

danso 14y ago

That, combined with this: > Square did not know of the relationship before a lawsuit was threatened; it came as a complete surprise to the company. Is what makes it "perhaps the worst business decision a person could ever make"

koide 14y ago
Even if they do know, it's still an awful decision to take. The less likely outcome is that everything will go fine forever after. It will very likely either become a mess (awkward situations, loss of job even for third parties, etc.) or a disaster for everyone involved (like a sexual harassment lawsuit.) Espcially if you are the boss. And even more if the person wasn't working there to begin with!

spuz 14y ago

I don't understand. Maybe we have different professional cultures. Why is having an undisclosed relationship with another employee the worst possible business decision? (Certainly in my culture I can think of much worse decisions one person could make).

danso 14y ago
1. "You want to break up with me? oK, you're fired" 2. "Maybe Bob is the better qualified candidate, but I'm going to promote the guy who's having sex with me"
- mturmon 14y ago
  3. "You're the boyfriend of the COO? Congratulations, you're hired into my group as advisor for internal strategy. Can we three have lunch together some time?"
  - MartinCron 14y ago
    I am embarrassed to say that this scenario is one I hadn't thought of. Fascinating.
    - mturmon 14y ago
      Yes, I was trying to dramatize a conflict of interest that was more relevant in this scenario, where the romance is not between a manager and his direct report. (Assuming the OP is correct.)
  - spuz 14y ago
    Again, this is a situation where there is a conflict of interest that could happen whether there is a romantic relationship between the two employees. Would HR really have the ability to stop such a promotion knowing that at the same time they must keep and relationship confidential? In the UK, I've never been asked by a company to disclose any office relationships. Usually such relationships are had in the open even between different level employees.
    - danso 14y ago
      Answer: Yes As for your own experience, note that you've observed open relationships between different level employees. Keith's was not open....so not sure what point you're trying to make. Put it this way: if everyone knows that senior manager Alice is in a relationship with first year employee Bob...how easy do you think it is for Alice to pull the strings to make sure Bob gets promoted past his merit? Sure, it can happen, but people aren't as likely to not notice it. And so Alice just may not try to pull the strings.
    - mturmon 14y ago

bksenior 14y ago

This is wildly dogmatic and not really based in reason. The risks of a relationship are evident, but what about the upside? Imagine the chance to vet someone over time for cultural and professional fit for a role that they might excel in. When a company gets large enough where there is zero interaction day to day are there no possibilities that this might work? Setting aside a lack of disclosure, is the leverage so great that someone is a liability having a social context? It just seems like people are pretty black and white on this. TL:DR Devils Advocate Postion

danso 14y ago
Wait...let me get this straight. You're asking "..is the leverage so great that someone is a liability" for having a relationship? And you're asking this in a thread in which the OP describes how his ex-lover's attempt at extortion (if we believe the OP) has forced him out of the company? I guess the answer to your question is...yes?
- bksenior 14y ago
  Nope. The leverage was in his lack of reporting it, not the action of hiring a sig' other. The only thing that would serve as leverage would be emotional grief supposing that professional protocol was followed.