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There seems to be a strain of thought, especially prevelant in the programming community, that really romanticizes acting alone. I really wonder if we should ro

There seems to be a strain of thought, especially prevelant in the programming community, that really romanticizes acting alone. I really wonder if we should romanticize it. I used to live like this - I would go to shows alone, eat out alone, go to movies alone. I'd go hiking by myself, I'd go on long bike rides by myself. At the time I didn't have the resources to go on trips by myself, but I would've done that, too. And it wasn't like I was a pariah. I've always had friends and family around. I've never needed to be single. I just felt like I required this constant solitude, and because of that, enforced a certain distance in my relationships. As I've gotten older and learned more of how to need other people, I'm kind of horrified at all of the lost opportunities. The friendships I didn't form. I would really hate for young guys [who I assume comprise much of HN's readership] to read this and say "Yeah, I should go this world alone!" Sometimes this attitude may be called for, but more often than not it will not serve you well.

vidarh 14y ago
There's a big difference between being able to enjoy going out alone when nobody you know are around, and constantly seeking it out. Losing out on great experiences because you're worried about doing it on your own is a shame. But losing out on great companionship is too. They don't need to compete. For many of the same reasons you mention, a lot of guys here should probably be ready to go out alone more. Not instead of doing stuff with friends, but when the alternative is to stay at home or do other activities that pretty much guarantee solitude. If you go out and do stuff, at least your chances of meeting new people is substantially higher.
MatthewPhillips 14y ago
I'm just the opposite. As I get older I want to hang out with friends less, as I have less time anyways so the time I do have becomes more precious. I enjoy my do-nothing Saturdays. I enjoy my coffee-and-coding Saturdays. I also enjoy the hanging out with friends Saturdays, just not every single Saturday like when I was younger.

vidarh 14y ago

There's a big difference between being able to enjoy going out alone when nobody you know are around, and constantly seeking it out. Losing out on great experiences because you're worried about doing it on your own is a shame. But losing out on great companionship is too. They don't need to compete. For many of the same reasons you mention, a lot of guys here should probably be ready to go out alone more. Not instead of doing stuff with friends, but when the alternative is to stay at home or do other activities that pretty much guarantee solitude. If you go out and do stuff, at least your chances of meeting new people is substantially higher.

MatthewPhillips 14y ago

I'm just the opposite. As I get older I want to hang out with friends less, as I have less time anyways so the time I do have becomes more precious. I enjoy my do-nothing Saturdays. I enjoy my coffee-and-coding Saturdays. I also enjoy the hanging out with friends Saturdays, just not every single Saturday like when I was younger.