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> After a couple of years of trying to become more outgoing and understanding social mechanisms Could you elaborate on that or provide links, books, anything t

by kahawe 14y ago

> After a couple of years of trying to become more outgoing and understanding social mechanisms Could you elaborate on that or provide links, books, anything that worked for you? I agree with your view and I don't see this ever changing for me, yet I would still like to make these experiences for myself to be honest.

GFischer 14y ago
I'm not the OP, and I haven't read these books, but many people swear by: Influence: the psychology of persuasion, by Robert Cialdini http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Business-Essentials/dp/006124189X http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Busine... The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature http://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/0060556579 http://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/00... One I HAVE read, and I strongly recommend is How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influenc... Also, I've read many people mention a lot about Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I'm usually skeptical of this stuff, but I want to read about it. I did read "The Game" by Neil Strauss... while it is not something I want to do, it is really intriguing, and he advocates NLP a lot in that book. And while I'm nerdish/socially awkward, I have a long-term relationship with my girlfriend so I don't "need" to go picking up girls :) . I look forward to the original poster's list :)
thoughtcriminal 14y ago
Try Rejection Therapy: http://rejectiontherapy.com http://rejectiontherapy.com If you do a search online, you'll find lots of stories and comments of how it's helped people or even changed their life.
marvin 14y ago
Sure. It's been a long journey that I started about four or five years ago. I honestly haven't been reading that much. I guess if anything, Neil Strauss's "The Game" was probably the only significant piece of writing that set me off and piqued my curiosity for social games and mechanisms. I've also read some of the darker pickup blogs (http://heartiste.wordpress.com/ http://heartiste.wordpress.com/) which are not recommended if you want to retain your faith in humanity. They do provide some insights in some social games, though, including status whoring and related things. Don't take it too seriously, but there are probably some insights to learn there. It seems to me that the best people to hang out with are the ones that are impervious to stuff like this. None of my best friends (well, maybe with one exception) would fall for the kind of manipulation that Heartiste describes. Some subreddits (/r/sex, /r/relationship_advice) have been valuable for hearing horror stories of people not standing up for themselves in a relationship setting, and why it's important to have principles. You'll hear these in real life as well. The most significant thing I've been doing has really been to get out in the world and meet as many people as possible, along the way seeing these social games first-hand. This has involved living in a different country for a year and going to almost every party or social event that presented itself. Initially it was to overcome depression/social anxiety, meet girls and make new friends, but after a few years it's turned into more of an interest in people and getting new experiences. After a while you have been in so many social situations that you stop worrying about what image you present, and see more of the personalities, motivations and insecurities behind most people's facades. I don't know how old you are (I'm 26 now) but I'd guess some form of social travelling (backpacking, maybe studying abroad) and saying yes to as many invitations as possible would be a good starting point. Also actively trying to become a better person - more fit, more friendly, less able to get manipulated or taken advantage of, more knowledgable, more secure. There's probably some confirmation bias on my end here, there are probably multiple was to get these experiences. I _do_ recommend "The Game" since it's a very fascinating account. Hope that helps.

by kahawe 14y ago

GFischer 14y ago

I'm not the OP, and I haven't read these books, but many people swear by: Influence: the psychology of persuasion, by Robert Cialdini http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Business-Essentials/dp/006124189X http://www.amazon.com/Influence-Psychology-Persuasion-Busine... The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature http://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/0060556579 http://www.amazon.com/Red-Queen-Evolution-Human-Nature/dp/00... One I HAVE read, and I strongly recommend is How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influenc... Also, I've read many people mention a lot about Neuro-Linguistic Programming. I'm usually skeptical of this stuff, but I want to read about it. I did read "The Game" by Neil Strauss... while it is not something I want to do, it is really intriguing, and he advocates NLP a lot in that book. And while I'm nerdish/socially awkward, I have a long-term relationship with my girlfriend so I don't "need" to go picking up girls :) . I look forward to the original poster's list :)

thoughtcriminal 14y ago

Try Rejection Therapy: http://rejectiontherapy.com http://rejectiontherapy.com If you do a search online, you'll find lots of stories and comments of how it's helped people or even changed their life.

marvin 14y ago

Sure. It's been a long journey that I started about four or five years ago. I honestly haven't been reading that much. I guess if anything, Neil Strauss's "The Game" was probably the only significant piece of writing that set me off and piqued my curiosity for social games and mechanisms. I've also read some of the darker pickup blogs (http://heartiste.wordpress.com/ http://heartiste.wordpress.com/) which are not recommended if you want to retain your faith in humanity. They do provide some insights in some social games, though, including status whoring and related things. Don't take it too seriously, but there are probably some insights to learn there. It seems to me that the best people to hang out with are the ones that are impervious to stuff like this. None of my best friends (well, maybe with one exception) would fall for the kind of manipulation that Heartiste describes. Some subreddits (/r/sex, /r/relationship_advice) have been valuable for hearing horror stories of people not standing up for themselves in a relationship setting, and why it's important to have principles. You'll hear these in real life as well. The most significant thing I've been doing has really been to get out in the world and meet as many people as possible, along the way seeing these social games first-hand. This has involved living in a different country for a year and going to almost every party or social event that presented itself. Initially it was to overcome depression/social anxiety, meet girls and make new friends, but after a few years it's turned into more of an interest in people and getting new experiences. After a while you have been in so many social situations that you stop worrying about what image you present, and see more of the personalities, motivations and insecurities behind most people's facades. I don't know how old you are (I'm 26 now) but I'd guess some form of social travelling (backpacking, maybe studying abroad) and saying yes to as many invitations as possible would be a good starting point. Also actively trying to become a better person - more fit, more friendly, less able to get manipulated or taken advantage of, more knowledgable, more secure. There's probably some confirmation bias on my end here, there are probably multiple was to get these experiences. I _do_ recommend "The Game" since it's a very fascinating account. Hope that helps.