8 ms·

The wife is the one at fault, not the employee. Chances are that if the employee said 'no', then the wife would've found somebody else to sleep with. The wife w

by jetti 14y ago

The wife is the one at fault, not the employee. Chances are that if the employee said 'no', then the wife would've found somebody else to sleep with. The wife was the one who took a vow to remain faithful, not the employee.

Frozenlock 14y ago
I don't know why you got downvoted. When you have a relationship with a man/woman, it's with this individual, not with every single other human being on the planet. If I'm not with anyone and I try to seduce your girlfriend, it's HER job to say no. Unless you don't think she is smart enough to make her own decisions. But in this case we have other problems... As opposed to jetti, I'm not sure the wife would just have found somebody else. But regardless, she was the one in couple with the boss. I'm confused by most of the reactions I see here. It's as if they expect the boss to be able to tell employees who they can fuck. Kudos to this boss for at least considering that firing the guy is not the only solution.
- MordinSolus 14y ago
  > As opposed to jetti, I'm not sure the wife would just have found somebody else. Irrelevant. Here's the problem: "At the same time, every time I see his face, I feel like that just kills me inside." It is silly to think that this doesn't affect productivity and won't affect the business in the future, especially with communication between these two individuals. A person's well being does is in fact a work matter, the acknowledgment of which makes the employees position absolutely untenable. You cannot possibly sleep with a fellow employee's spouse (regardless of whether it is a superior or not) and not expect that to be a work matter. > It's as if they expect the boss to be able to tell employees who they can fuck. This isn't about telling the employee who they can fuck. It's about fostering a productive and positive work environment. Knowingly choosing to create animosity between yourself and a superior (or any fellow employee for that matter) in such a hurtful manner is simply stupid. This employee should be fired immediately.
  - Frozenlock 14y ago
    I'm not disagreeing with any of the possible impact on the boss's productivity, but rather how a majority of response here are of the kind: "Fire him, be the alpha male! Ouga ouga!" Firing him might be the correct answer; but it's in no way evident. Try this thought experiment: suppose you have 2 employees. Would you fire one of them if he sleeps with the other's girlfriend, or would you consider this a 'personal matter' and not interfere?
    - MordinSolus 14y ago
      > Would you fire one of them if he sleeps with the other's girlfriend, or would you consider this a 'personal matter' and not interfere? If I am a small business and only have ~50 employees, I would probably fire them. It's only a personal matter until it affects work. This would obviously affect work.
      - Frozenlock 14y ago
        You would fire BOTH of them?
    - clarky07 14y ago
      I would ask him to resign, and if he doesn't he'd be fired. Clearly it won't be good for my business to have these 2 working together. The fact that he's clearly showing bad judgement means it's an easy decision as to which one should go.
  - jetti 14y ago
    So here is a question that would be left to an employment lawyer but I'm going to through it out in response to what you have said: Assuming this is in the US, would the employee's actions fall under the familial status protected class? If so, it would be illegal to fire the employee.
    - clarky07 14y ago
      No. It falls under gross misconduct, and he should show him the door.
- fatbird 14y ago
  If you and I go into business together, or if we're best friends, or you're my mentor or I'm yours, then we have a relationship. If you fuck my wife, that's absolutely a betrayal of our relationship, and casts serious doubts on your personal integrity. You maintained a deceitful and duplicitous relationship with me while fucking my wife, and I would fire you for that reason alone: I can't trust you anymore because you have near-sociopathic abilities to carry out an extended deception.
- blub 14y ago
  At first glance this behaviour of not owing anything to anyone and not respecting social contracts seems sociopathic to me. It's obvious the affair will cause grief and might even break a family. At worst it can ruin the lives of children, lead to suicide, etc. What exactly makes you think you're a great individual if you seduce a married woman?
swang 14y ago
Considering how little we know about the situation what makes you think she was the seducer and not the employee? Seems somewhat sexist to think the woman is the one to blame.
- greghinch 14y ago
  Seems a bit more sexist to assume that if she was the "seducee", that she was somehow helpless to prevent herself from sleeping with the guy. The known quantity is that she was married to the OP. It's her responsibility to not sleep with someone else or terminate the marriage if she decides that she wants to
  - TillE 14y ago
    Sure, but we still get to judge that the guy is also a piece of shit.
  - swang 14y ago
    I never made a judgement about whether she should have broken her marriage vows or not.
    - greghinch 14y ago
      You said we shouldn't blame her necessarily, implying there would be some circumstance which absolves her of responsibility in the matter
      - swang 14y ago
        I am pointing out it's sexist because the grandparent post automatically assumed the woman to be the initiator in this affair. Now did she break her marriage vows? Yes. That's unrelated.
jasonkostempski 14y ago
It takes two to tango, they both made really bad choices. Even the OP is probably a little at fault for trusting either of them in major areas of his life. And, who said the wife even took a vow to be faithful? I'm married, 'faithful' wasn't anywhere in the vows.
onetwothreefour 14y ago
Are you fucking kidding me?
jdbernard 14y ago
Even if the wife was the instigator and the boss an inept husband, a person of integrity should draw a clear line when it comes to someone who is still in a marriage relationship. The fact that this was his boss's wife makes it all the more damning that he entered into an affair with her. If you have any morals at all you make sure the existing marriage is over before you pursue any kind of intimate relationship. > Chances are that if the employee said 'no', then the wife would've found somebody else to sleep with. So your argument is that because there is someone out there with no integrity, it makes it alright for him to act without integrity? And that should not affect his work relationship with his boss? > The wife was the one who took a vow to remain faithful, not the employee. If we really value honesty and loyalty, then we cannot excuse him for going behind his boss's back and helping his wife break her marriage vows. If keeping your promises is something we value, then we cannot excuse him for actively helping someone break one of the most important promises in their life. The wife is definitely at fault, but if you value honesty and trustworthiness then the employee was at indisputably at fault too. I find it mind boggling that people would stand up for this guy.
- mrtron 14y ago
  His wife left him. Clearly she had ended the relationship with her husband/the boss-man. She moved on to a relationship with this employee. Why is anyone 'at fault'? The marriage was clearly over (despite not being officially over). It would be great to see a post from the wife and employee's perspectives. I am sure it would be something like: "the marriage was over and we fell in love, everything is wonderful, I hope he keeps his job and my ex-husband/boss doesn't fire him/me out of spite". I also think it is telling that he is continuing to call her "his wife" still after she has left him. As the boss I would wish them both the best and continue to judge the employee based on his merits at work.
  - ajdecon 14y ago
    > His wife left him. Clearly she had ended the relationship with her husband/the boss-man. She moved on to a relationship with this employee. This order of events is incorrect from the OP. > Recently, I found out that one of my employees has been having an affair with my wife. ... My wife has since left me.

by jetti 14y ago

Frozenlock 14y ago

I don't know why you got downvoted. When you have a relationship with a man/woman, it's with this individual, not with every single other human being on the planet. If I'm not with anyone and I try to seduce your girlfriend, it's HER job to say no. Unless you don't think she is smart enough to make her own decisions. But in this case we have other problems... As opposed to jetti, I'm not sure the wife would just have found somebody else. But regardless, she was the one in couple with the boss. I'm confused by most of the reactions I see here. It's as if they expect the boss to be able to tell employees who they can fuck. Kudos to this boss for at least considering that firing the guy is not the only solution.

MordinSolus 14y ago
> As opposed to jetti, I'm not sure the wife would just have found somebody else. Irrelevant. Here's the problem: "At the same time, every time I see his face, I feel like that just kills me inside." It is silly to think that this doesn't affect productivity and won't affect the business in the future, especially with communication between these two individuals. A person's well being does is in fact a work matter, the acknowledgment of which makes the employees position absolutely untenable. You cannot possibly sleep with a fellow employee's spouse (regardless of whether it is a superior or not) and not expect that to be a work matter. > It's as if they expect the boss to be able to tell employees who they can fuck. This isn't about telling the employee who they can fuck. It's about fostering a productive and positive work environment. Knowingly choosing to create animosity between yourself and a superior (or any fellow employee for that matter) in such a hurtful manner is simply stupid. This employee should be fired immediately.
- Frozenlock 14y ago
  I'm not disagreeing with any of the possible impact on the boss's productivity, but rather how a majority of response here are of the kind: "Fire him, be the alpha male! Ouga ouga!" Firing him might be the correct answer; but it's in no way evident. Try this thought experiment: suppose you have 2 employees. Would you fire one of them if he sleeps with the other's girlfriend, or would you consider this a 'personal matter' and not interfere?
  - MordinSolus 14y ago
    > Would you fire one of them if he sleeps with the other's girlfriend, or would you consider this a 'personal matter' and not interfere? If I am a small business and only have ~50 employees, I would probably fire them. It's only a personal matter until it affects work. This would obviously affect work.
    - Frozenlock 14y ago
      You would fire BOTH of them?
  - clarky07 14y ago
    I would ask him to resign, and if he doesn't he'd be fired. Clearly it won't be good for my business to have these 2 working together. The fact that he's clearly showing bad judgement means it's an easy decision as to which one should go.
- jetti 14y ago
  So here is a question that would be left to an employment lawyer but I'm going to through it out in response to what you have said: Assuming this is in the US, would the employee's actions fall under the familial status protected class? If so, it would be illegal to fire the employee.
  - clarky07 14y ago
    No. It falls under gross misconduct, and he should show him the door.
fatbird 14y ago
If you and I go into business together, or if we're best friends, or you're my mentor or I'm yours, then we have a relationship. If you fuck my wife, that's absolutely a betrayal of our relationship, and casts serious doubts on your personal integrity. You maintained a deceitful and duplicitous relationship with me while fucking my wife, and I would fire you for that reason alone: I can't trust you anymore because you have near-sociopathic abilities to carry out an extended deception.
blub 14y ago
At first glance this behaviour of not owing anything to anyone and not respecting social contracts seems sociopathic to me. It's obvious the affair will cause grief and might even break a family. At worst it can ruin the lives of children, lead to suicide, etc. What exactly makes you think you're a great individual if you seduce a married woman?

swang 14y ago

Considering how little we know about the situation what makes you think she was the seducer and not the employee? Seems somewhat sexist to think the woman is the one to blame.

greghinch 14y ago
Seems a bit more sexist to assume that if she was the "seducee", that she was somehow helpless to prevent herself from sleeping with the guy. The known quantity is that she was married to the OP. It's her responsibility to not sleep with someone else or terminate the marriage if she decides that she wants to
- TillE 14y ago
  Sure, but we still get to judge that the guy is also a piece of shit.
- swang 14y ago
  I never made a judgement about whether she should have broken her marriage vows or not.
  - greghinch 14y ago
    You said we shouldn't blame her necessarily, implying there would be some circumstance which absolves her of responsibility in the matter
    - swang 14y ago
      I am pointing out it's sexist because the grandparent post automatically assumed the woman to be the initiator in this affair. Now did she break her marriage vows? Yes. That's unrelated.

jasonkostempski 14y ago

It takes two to tango, they both made really bad choices. Even the OP is probably a little at fault for trusting either of them in major areas of his life. And, who said the wife even took a vow to be faithful? I'm married, 'faithful' wasn't anywhere in the vows.

onetwothreefour 14y ago

Are you fucking kidding me?

jdbernard 14y ago

Even if the wife was the instigator and the boss an inept husband, a person of integrity should draw a clear line when it comes to someone who is still in a marriage relationship. The fact that this was his boss's wife makes it all the more damning that he entered into an affair with her. If you have any morals at all you make sure the existing marriage is over before you pursue any kind of intimate relationship. > Chances are that if the employee said 'no', then the wife would've found somebody else to sleep with. So your argument is that because there is someone out there with no integrity, it makes it alright for him to act without integrity? And that should not affect his work relationship with his boss? > The wife was the one who took a vow to remain faithful, not the employee. If we really value honesty and loyalty, then we cannot excuse him for going behind his boss's back and helping his wife break her marriage vows. If keeping your promises is something we value, then we cannot excuse him for actively helping someone break one of the most important promises in their life. The wife is definitely at fault, but if you value honesty and trustworthiness then the employee was at indisputably at fault too. I find it mind boggling that people would stand up for this guy.

mrtron 14y ago
His wife left him. Clearly she had ended the relationship with her husband/the boss-man. She moved on to a relationship with this employee. Why is anyone 'at fault'? The marriage was clearly over (despite not being officially over). It would be great to see a post from the wife and employee's perspectives. I am sure it would be something like: "the marriage was over and we fell in love, everything is wonderful, I hope he keeps his job and my ex-husband/boss doesn't fire him/me out of spite". I also think it is telling that he is continuing to call her "his wife" still after she has left him. As the boss I would wish them both the best and continue to judge the employee based on his merits at work.
- ajdecon 14y ago
  > His wife left him. Clearly she had ended the relationship with her husband/the boss-man. She moved on to a relationship with this employee. This order of events is incorrect from the OP. > Recently, I found out that one of my employees has been having an affair with my wife. ... My wife has since left me.