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"Your parents and grandparents want what is best for you. But they do not understand your world in the slightest. You should probably ignore them." This is gre

"Your parents and grandparents want what is best for you. But they do not understand your world in the slightest. You should probably ignore them." This is great advice. It was true when I started my career, some ten years ago - I think it's even more true now. The path I chose in life was, and probably still is, incomprehensible to my parents. They have the best intentions, I'm sure, but for the very long time they couldn't understand that my computer is for work, for example. And later they just didn't want to believe me that I am actually working (I was telecommuting) and kept repeating things like "get out of the room and go find some job". Most parents wish all the best for their children, but they are frequently completely incapable of understanding the differences between their and our situations. And the worst thing is you cannot tell them this, because you'll be rude, and on the other hand they are not going to understand on their own, because they are "older and they know already". So ignoring bad advice from parents while pretending to do what they wish is the only sensible choice, but a hard one. I have many friends who followed their parents dreams - mainly journalists, but also many others - who are really screwed now. It's a real problem and someone should write a guide how to respectfully disagree with one's parents and how to convince them to at least stop complaining.

unimpressive 14y ago
The ideal solution I think, is simple: "Followers of the Way [of Chán], if you want to get the kind of understanding that accords with the Dharma, never be misled by others. Whether you're facing inward or facing outward, whatever you meet up with, just kill it! If you meet a buddha, kill the buddha. If you meet a patriarch, kill the patriarch. If you meet an arhat, kill the arhat. If you meet your parents, kill your parents. If you meet your kinfolk, kill your kinfolk. Then for the first time you will gain emancipation, will not be entangled with things, will pass freely anywhere you wish to go." - Linji Yixuan [0][1] Before you object with something to the tune of "But I'm living with them!", I said it was simple, not easy. [0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linji_Yixuan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linji_Yixuan [1]: I'm fairly sure he doesn't mean it literally, but then I've never read the quote in context.
- prewett 14y ago
  If I understand Buddhism correctly, then since everything (including you) is really just ultimately nothing, going to college is unimportant, unless it helps you in realizing that everything is nothing. Debt is bad, because it will enslave you, and likely lead you to think that money, etc. is actually something. College is may also be unhelpful, because it may lead you to think that an Education is not nothing. If you truly understand that everything is nothing, then the only logical choice is to spend your life helping others escape their enslavement of thinking that they truly exist. College may not be useful for that. On the other hand, if you think that we do actually exist and that college might actually be worth something, then I don't think Buddhist philosophy is going to be helpful.
  - unimpressive 14y ago
    I'm not exactly a Buddhist, but I'm 99% sure that's not it: Yamaoka Tesshu, as a young student of Zen, visited one master after another. He called upon Dokuon of Shokoku. Desiring to show his attainment, he said: "The mind, Buddha, and sentient beings, after all, do not exist. The true nature of phenomena is emptiness. There is no realization, no delusion, no sage, no mediocrity. There is no giving and nothing to be received." Dokuon, who was smoking quietly, said nothing. Suddenly he whacked Yamaoka with his bamboo pipe. This made the youth quite angry. "If nothing exists," inquired Dokuon, "where did this anger come from?" [0] [0]: http://www.101zenstories.com/index.php?story=82 http://www.101zenstories.com/index.php?story=82 [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/101_Zen_Stories https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/101_Zen_Stories
  - lilsunnybee 14y ago
    It 'isn't' helpful. It's religious nonsense.
jiggy2011 14y ago
This is true, though what is most confusing about it is that sometimes the older people are actually correct but no necessarily for the exact reasons that they will tell you.

unimpressive 14y ago

The ideal solution I think, is simple: "Followers of the Way [of Chán], if you want to get the kind of understanding that accords with the Dharma, never be misled by others. Whether you're facing inward or facing outward, whatever you meet up with, just kill it! If you meet a buddha, kill the buddha. If you meet a patriarch, kill the patriarch. If you meet an arhat, kill the arhat. If you meet your parents, kill your parents. If you meet your kinfolk, kill your kinfolk. Then for the first time you will gain emancipation, will not be entangled with things, will pass freely anywhere you wish to go." - Linji Yixuan [0][1] Before you object with something to the tune of "But I'm living with them!", I said it was simple, not easy. [0]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linji_Yixuan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Linji_Yixuan [1]: I'm fairly sure he doesn't mean it literally, but then I've never read the quote in context.

prewett 14y ago
If I understand Buddhism correctly, then since everything (including you) is really just ultimately nothing, going to college is unimportant, unless it helps you in realizing that everything is nothing. Debt is bad, because it will enslave you, and likely lead you to think that money, etc. is actually something. College is may also be unhelpful, because it may lead you to think that an Education is not nothing. If you truly understand that everything is nothing, then the only logical choice is to spend your life helping others escape their enslavement of thinking that they truly exist. College may not be useful for that. On the other hand, if you think that we do actually exist and that college might actually be worth something, then I don't think Buddhist philosophy is going to be helpful.
- unimpressive 14y ago
  I'm not exactly a Buddhist, but I'm 99% sure that's not it: Yamaoka Tesshu, as a young student of Zen, visited one master after another. He called upon Dokuon of Shokoku. Desiring to show his attainment, he said: "The mind, Buddha, and sentient beings, after all, do not exist. The true nature of phenomena is emptiness. There is no realization, no delusion, no sage, no mediocrity. There is no giving and nothing to be received." Dokuon, who was smoking quietly, said nothing. Suddenly he whacked Yamaoka with his bamboo pipe. This made the youth quite angry. "If nothing exists," inquired Dokuon, "where did this anger come from?" [0] [0]: http://www.101zenstories.com/index.php?story=82 http://www.101zenstories.com/index.php?story=82 [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/101_Zen_Stories https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/101_Zen_Stories
- lilsunnybee 14y ago
  It 'isn't' helpful. It's religious nonsense.

jiggy2011 14y ago

This is true, though what is most confusing about it is that sometimes the older people are actually correct but no necessarily for the exact reasons that they will tell you.