Have you considered moving out of New Zealand? I'm not sure of your experience or personal life as it's not stated but if you've been working a steady 9-5 as a

Have you considered moving out of New Zealand? I'm not sure of your experience or personal life as it's not stated but if you've been working a steady 9-5 as a Network Engineer for a few years you likely have some money saved up I'd assume? What's stopping you from renting a small place in the U.S. or Europe (or even Australia?) and start looking for companies you'd want to work for? On a side note I'm not going to pretend like I'm some huge risk taker, but from your post it seems at some point you're just going to have to leave your comfortable job and jump. What do you have to lose? If you continue down this path you'll only become more depressed. If you move onto trying to make cool shit and do well, then congrats! If you so happen to fail or hate it then there will always be another 9-5 for a big company to come back to. Some food for thought, good luck.