3 ms·
Remember that dating works much like a market. There is supply and demand, and since there are about as many men as women, the supply and demand is roughly equa
by jules 14y ago
Remember that dating works much like a market. There is supply and demand, and since there are about as many men as women, the supply and demand is roughly equal. But in some places this ratio is not equal. I'm not sure about dating sites, but that could be such a place. Simplifying a lot: if there are 1000 women and 2000 men then the women will date the 1000 most attractive men, and the rest have basically no chance. You need to find a place where the numbers are reversed.
The good thing about dating being a market is that you can find somebody. The thing is that you have to place your standards around your level of attractiveness or lower. Contrary to the popular romantic image of a non attractive male dating a very attractive female, almost all relationships happen between people of very similar attractiveness. You may be less popular height wise, so you might need to compromise on an attribute that makes a woman less popular (e.g. weight or age). Perhaps you have decided that the compromises you would have to make are too great, and you'll rather stay single instead. That's fine too, but it's a choice.
You also have some control over your attractiveness. You have some control over physical attractiveness with clothes, sport and grooming. Fortunately for you, for men physical attractiveness and age are not of overriding importance they pretty much are for women. As you note, confidence and social status are also very important (see Berlusconi for an extreme example). These are things you can work on! Intelligence is important too, and you're probably already doing quite well on that front.
- singular 14y agoThanks, very thoughtful post, indeed I think it is a market. My point is that there are attributes of mine which rule out women who I find at least vaguely attractive (and I'm not being picky, honestly), so perhaps I'm simply not able to compete in this market. I wish the physical factors such as height weren't such a big factor, as that is obviously impossible to change. If I believed I could eliminate it, I'd gladly start hitting the gym hard right now. But I am so convinced that it's such a huge thing that I find it very hard to believe that'll make all that much difference.
- jules 14y agoI can assure you that a fit small body is more attractive than an unfit large one to a sizable amount of people (for what it's worth, Tom Cruise is not tall either). From what I've heard the importance given to height may be a US phenomenon. It's still a plus elsewhere, but less so. Are you in the US? Height also varies a lot between countries: you would would be tall in Indonesia (average 5'2), but here in the Netherlands you would be quite small (average 6'1). My father and brother are also small (perhaps even smaller than you relative to the population average), but they are doing fine relationship wise. Not all is lost!
- singular 14y agoI wish I could believe that, but that hasn't been my experience, nor that of others. I would gladly lose weight and hit the gym hard if I believed that (and I have done in the past, only for all + any health/fitness improvements to make no difference.) I'm in the UK, average is around 5'10" here. I am in bottom 2.5% of male population height-wise. Tom Cruise is considered to be rather good looking + confident is he not? He's a good example of the factors which can counteract short height. Note he's a couple inches taller than me also :-)