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"Most people, myself included, don't actually do the things they want to do most of the time." The problem, in my experience, is that figuring out what you act

"Most people, myself included, don't actually do the things they want to do most of the time." The problem, in my experience, is that figuring out what you actually "want" is a very difficult proposition. And it often changes rapidly. You can see this manifested in people who are trying to choose a career. Even smart, goal oriented people often flounder around the career question because while many things interest them, nothing seems to interest them enough to "want" to dedicate their life to it. And it just gets further complicated with generic advice from others like, "Do what you love," when the truth is they don't "love" doing anything. So you twist your nips in the wind for a while trying to figure out what you really "want", and meanwhile the bar keeps getting lower. Pretty soon all you really want is a reliable car and to be able to make rent without a roommate. And while those might not be the noblest of "wants", you can find a certain personal gratification in them none the less. I don't know man. I'm 30 years in and I still don't know what I really "want", and it sure as shit ain't for lack of thinking about it. Right now I'm content with a reliable car and a dry house in a safe neighborhood. I have a job that mixes 1 part things I'm interested in and 1 part tedium and it affords me enough time and spare income to tinker away at side projects that are probably of interest to nobody but myself. In all liklihood, a generation after I die, maybe sooner, nobody will even remember I was here. And I'm fine with that. So when people say, "Do what you want!", man I don't even know what the hell those people are talking about.

dfrankow 14y ago
Wow, incredibly true, but sobering.
ForrestN 14y ago
I'm not telling anyone "Do what you want!" per se, and many people don't have a clear picture of what they want (of course most people just want simple things: they want to be loved most of all, to feel good about themselves, to feel safe, and to be free of stress and anxiety). Instead I'm saying that even if you are, like me, a person who could write down exactly what you want, from the scale of your lifetime down to how you would like to spend each morning and evening, that clarity doesn't actually enable you to do any of those things. I would love to wake up each morning and exercise for 20 minutes, cook a healthy breakfast with a small pot of tea, read the New York Times, and then watch the sun rise. But I cannot do it. Not because it's hard, or because of its existential absurdity, or because it would require something that I don't have. I can't do it because my subconscious has other motives, like the motive to stay in bed until the anxiety of scheduled events compel me to leave it. Psychology, in my opinion, does not seem designed for contemporary life, which makes many people's lives much more difficult than they need to be.

dfrankow 14y ago

Wow, incredibly true, but sobering.

ForrestN 14y ago

I'm not telling anyone "Do what you want!" per se, and many people don't have a clear picture of what they want (of course most people just want simple things: they want to be loved most of all, to feel good about themselves, to feel safe, and to be free of stress and anxiety). Instead I'm saying that even if you are, like me, a person who could write down exactly what you want, from the scale of your lifetime down to how you would like to spend each morning and evening, that clarity doesn't actually enable you to do any of those things. I would love to wake up each morning and exercise for 20 minutes, cook a healthy breakfast with a small pot of tea, read the New York Times, and then watch the sun rise. But I cannot do it. Not because it's hard, or because of its existential absurdity, or because it would require something that I don't have. I can't do it because my subconscious has other motives, like the motive to stay in bed until the anxiety of scheduled events compel me to leave it. Psychology, in my opinion, does not seem designed for contemporary life, which makes many people's lives much more difficult than they need to be.