4 ms·

It's no longer a case of "keeping up with the Joneses" - you now have to keep up with everyone you've ever met, no matter what the cost! I don't understan

It's no longer a case of "keeping up with the Joneses" - you now have to keep up with everyone you've ever met, no matter what the cost! I don't understand why so many people don't seem to get that you don't have to be "friends" on Facebook with everyone you've ever met. And you don't have to stay "friends" with them forever. Also, I see lots of stuff on Facebook that isn't upbeat bragging. Prominent examples just from the past week include death of a family member and a friend starting chemo. Possibly this is an age thing, or a consequence of the fact that I prune superficial relationships from my Facebook, but I have a hard time relating to the experience this writer describes. (Also, while I don't want to diagnose over the internet, it's possible that FB makes the author depressed because he's already prone to depression.)

edent 14y ago
OP here. I don't think I'm depressed - but suddenly seeing a flurry of "Jetting off on holiday" and "Just got a jetpack for xmas" made me a bit grumpy. The feeling took me by surprise - until I realised that I was getting a distorted view and, luckily, I'm off to Vegas in the new year. You're quite right about adding everyone you ever knew - thankfully I grew out of that phase fairly quickly.
- sliverstorm 14y ago
  I believe I read a summary of a study once that found the happier people try to look on Facebook, the more miserable they actually are. I don't remember the details well enough to describe them here, but basically somebody who is having tons of fun isn't going to bother telling Facebook about it- they are too busy having fun. The people who spend a lot of time telling Facebook about all the fun they are having are actually trying to put on a front. So, when I detect that on Facebook, I have learned to dismiss it and perhaps pity them just a tiny bit. Clues: People who seem to be super happy 24/7/365- not many people actually are! Also, people prone to bragging OR "humble bragging"
  - Evbn 14y ago
    Your comments is true and in no way Facebooksspecific
  - noillustrations 14y ago
    There are people who are obviously just trying to have fun by posting whatever they can think of to Facebook, incessantly. I would agree that the more someone is posting, the less fun they're actually having... unless you consider posting stuff to be fun, in and of itself. Nothing wrong with incessant posting... it might indeed be fun... but I think Facebook is not the best outlet for it. This will only become apparent years from now when these folks look at their friends who have little to no posting history, with envy. I have friends who still have not joined Facebook. I admire them; and I expect to envy them in due course. They will be blissfully free from the annoyances every Facebook user wil be facing.
  - mikeleeorg 14y ago
    Is this the study? http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/01/the_antisocial_network.html http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/01/the_a...
- Evbn 14y ago
  > I'm off to Vegas in the new year Now I am depressed, and I do not even like Vegas.
- loceng 14y ago
  Seems it is triggering something in you, perhaps would be beneficial to explore where those feelings come from.
- lwhi 14y ago
  Try to remember that most of these people most probably have miserable, miserable existences just like anyone else. They're exaggerating.
_delirium 14y ago
Yeah, I actually think keeping up with the downbeat stuff is a bigger drain of Facebook than the upbeat stuff. Sometimes it's welcome, as I'm able to keep up with people who I don't talk to as much as I'd like, and know what's going on in their lives (I keep up more with my Greek cousins than I would ever do if I had to phone them). But sometimes there is emotional/family/etc. turbulence from acquaintances that I see on Facebook who I'm not really close to, and then it makes it sort of awkward: should I send this person condolences? do I know them well enough? do they think they know me well enough that they would expect me to (or at least appreciate it)? etc. etc.
bconway 14y ago
Seconded. My Facebook friends list is comprised of ~20 people that I would consider placing a phone call to (or would not be surprised if I received one from).

edent 14y ago

OP here. I don't think I'm depressed - but suddenly seeing a flurry of "Jetting off on holiday" and "Just got a jetpack for xmas" made me a bit grumpy. The feeling took me by surprise - until I realised that I was getting a distorted view and, luckily, I'm off to Vegas in the new year. You're quite right about adding everyone you ever knew - thankfully I grew out of that phase fairly quickly.

sliverstorm 14y ago
I believe I read a summary of a study once that found the happier people try to look on Facebook, the more miserable they actually are. I don't remember the details well enough to describe them here, but basically somebody who is having tons of fun isn't going to bother telling Facebook about it- they are too busy having fun. The people who spend a lot of time telling Facebook about all the fun they are having are actually trying to put on a front. So, when I detect that on Facebook, I have learned to dismiss it and perhaps pity them just a tiny bit. Clues: People who seem to be super happy 24/7/365- not many people actually are! Also, people prone to bragging OR "humble bragging"
- Evbn 14y ago
  Your comments is true and in no way Facebooksspecific
- noillustrations 14y ago
  There are people who are obviously just trying to have fun by posting whatever they can think of to Facebook, incessantly. I would agree that the more someone is posting, the less fun they're actually having... unless you consider posting stuff to be fun, in and of itself. Nothing wrong with incessant posting... it might indeed be fun... but I think Facebook is not the best outlet for it. This will only become apparent years from now when these folks look at their friends who have little to no posting history, with envy. I have friends who still have not joined Facebook. I admire them; and I expect to envy them in due course. They will be blissfully free from the annoyances every Facebook user wil be facing.
- mikeleeorg 14y ago
  Is this the study? http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/01/the_antisocial_network.html http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2011/01/the_a...
Evbn 14y ago
> I'm off to Vegas in the new year Now I am depressed, and I do not even like Vegas.
loceng 14y ago
Seems it is triggering something in you, perhaps would be beneficial to explore where those feelings come from.
lwhi 14y ago
Try to remember that most of these people most probably have miserable, miserable existences just like anyone else. They're exaggerating.

_delirium 14y ago

Yeah, I actually think keeping up with the downbeat stuff is a bigger drain of Facebook than the upbeat stuff. Sometimes it's welcome, as I'm able to keep up with people who I don't talk to as much as I'd like, and know what's going on in their lives (I keep up more with my Greek cousins than I would ever do if I had to phone them). But sometimes there is emotional/family/etc. turbulence from acquaintances that I see on Facebook who I'm not really close to, and then it makes it sort of awkward: should I send this person condolences? do I know them well enough? do they think they know me well enough that they would expect me to (or at least appreciate it)? etc. etc.

bconway 14y ago

Seconded. My Facebook friends list is comprised of ~20 people that I would consider placing a phone call to (or would not be surprised if I received one from).