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Are you sure they even will want it back? Might be better to just donate it all now and save the money.

w0m 16d ago
> Are you sure they even will want it back? 75 y/o MIL is still fighting my wife to take her middle/highschool 'stuff' back to this day. She won't throw it out though.
- gboss 16d ago
  Your wife should just pick it up and throw it out then to relieve her mother of the burden.
  - coldpie 16d ago
    Yeah. My mom hung onto my old school stuff and finally wanted to get rid of it when she moved. I took it graciously with thanks, and then tossed it in the trash when I got home.
  - w0m 12d ago
    I'd feel guilty, but you're likely correct.
SubmarineClub 16d ago
If my parents had done that I would have been pissed. They just recently cleared out the attic and unloaded my childhood stuff on me, and I gladly took it all back.
- neutronicus 16d ago
  They gave away my Charizard ;_;
- diskzero 16d ago
  This must be a generational issue. My kids took “their” things with them when they became autonomous adults. As parents, we raised our children that they would move out and establish their own identities and futures. We never created any expectation that their childhood home would serve as a storage facility, extended stay facility or even exist. We of course offer help and support when needed. I know this is in conflict with a lot of modern parenting for many reasons. Our primary goal was to create independent, autonomous, fully functional adults capable of funding their own lives and determining their own future.
  - SubmarineClub 16d ago
    Kind of hard to take my stuff when I was attending college and then working clear on the other side of the country. Other than renting a U-Haul and driving 2,800 miles, there weren’t many options. Which I even suggested, to which my parents insisted they were happy to hang on to the stuff until it was easier to do the handover. >never created any expectation that their childhood home would serve…facility, extended stay facility or even exist. Sounds like a pretty sad mindset to me. Between me and your kids, I wonder which are happier to visit their parents?
    - deleted 16d ago
      [deleted]
    - diskzero 16d ago
      I somewhat expected my post would generate this type of attack and then lead to my parenting style is better than years, my kids are more successful than yours, my kids are happier to visit us than you, ad nauseam. Parenting is hard and there are multiple approaches that lead to successful outcomes. Your approach worked and I am happy for you. Congratulations on your successful approach.
      - HildeHolden 16d ago
        >I know this is in conflict with a lot of modern parenting for many reasons. Our primary goal was to create independent, autonomous, fully functional adults capable of funding their own lives and determining their own future. This heavily implies that the children of other "modern" parents are dysfunctional adults. As they say "to throw the stone and hide the hand". The funnier thing is that your parenting style is a modern post-WW2 phenomenon.
- umeshunni 16d ago
  > If my parents had done that I would have been pissed. I was pretty pissed when I went off to college and my parents threw away my 80s computer that would now be considered a classic.
- xp84 16d ago
  I suspect this is highly variable between people. I can imagine kids who would be deeply attached to their stuff, deeply apathetic and want nearly none of it, and a few who would think they wanted a lot of it and yet would realize it wasn’t a big deal to them. Only tough part is determining which one they’ll be! If it were me as the college student though, I would find it fair if a summer were declared the Summer Of Claiming Your Crap, and all stuff that I actually wanted had to be in designated storage bins that I’d commit to come retrieve after college, and the rest would be donated. Donating it without consulting me would have seemed like a betrayal, no matter whether I actually needed it.
bluGill 16d ago
Probably not - but it isn't his decision, and the kids are not yet in a place in life where they can make the decision. Until the kids figure out where their life will take them they can't know. I have some heirlooms that I'm really glad to have now, but when I was in college living in dorms I wouldn't have had space for them. You have no clue what somebody else finds important and will throw the wrong things.
BeetleB 16d ago
I definitely would have. I'd understand if they really needed to get rid of it, but the conversation must be had!
jjav 16d ago
> Are you sure they even will want it back? Might be better to just donate it all now and save the money. At 20-something after college, no, they probably don't want it. When they are 40 or 50, they will desperately want it back.

w0m 16d ago

> Are you sure they even will want it back? 75 y/o MIL is still fighting my wife to take her middle/highschool 'stuff' back to this day. She won't throw it out though.

gboss 16d ago
Your wife should just pick it up and throw it out then to relieve her mother of the burden.
- coldpie 16d ago
  Yeah. My mom hung onto my old school stuff and finally wanted to get rid of it when she moved. I took it graciously with thanks, and then tossed it in the trash when I got home.
- w0m 12d ago
  I'd feel guilty, but you're likely correct.

SubmarineClub 16d ago

If my parents had done that I would have been pissed. They just recently cleared out the attic and unloaded my childhood stuff on me, and I gladly took it all back.

neutronicus 16d ago
They gave away my Charizard ;_;
diskzero 16d ago
This must be a generational issue. My kids took “their” things with them when they became autonomous adults. As parents, we raised our children that they would move out and establish their own identities and futures. We never created any expectation that their childhood home would serve as a storage facility, extended stay facility or even exist. We of course offer help and support when needed. I know this is in conflict with a lot of modern parenting for many reasons. Our primary goal was to create independent, autonomous, fully functional adults capable of funding their own lives and determining their own future.
- SubmarineClub 16d ago
  Kind of hard to take my stuff when I was attending college and then working clear on the other side of the country. Other than renting a U-Haul and driving 2,800 miles, there weren’t many options. Which I even suggested, to which my parents insisted they were happy to hang on to the stuff until it was easier to do the handover. >never created any expectation that their childhood home would serve…facility, extended stay facility or even exist. Sounds like a pretty sad mindset to me. Between me and your kids, I wonder which are happier to visit their parents?
  - deleted 16d ago
    [deleted]
  - diskzero 16d ago
    I somewhat expected my post would generate this type of attack and then lead to my parenting style is better than years, my kids are more successful than yours, my kids are happier to visit us than you, ad nauseam. Parenting is hard and there are multiple approaches that lead to successful outcomes. Your approach worked and I am happy for you. Congratulations on your successful approach.
    - HildeHolden 16d ago
      >I know this is in conflict with a lot of modern parenting for many reasons. Our primary goal was to create independent, autonomous, fully functional adults capable of funding their own lives and determining their own future. This heavily implies that the children of other "modern" parents are dysfunctional adults. As they say "to throw the stone and hide the hand". The funnier thing is that your parenting style is a modern post-WW2 phenomenon.
umeshunni 16d ago
> If my parents had done that I would have been pissed. I was pretty pissed when I went off to college and my parents threw away my 80s computer that would now be considered a classic.
xp84 16d ago
I suspect this is highly variable between people. I can imagine kids who would be deeply attached to their stuff, deeply apathetic and want nearly none of it, and a few who would think they wanted a lot of it and yet would realize it wasn’t a big deal to them. Only tough part is determining which one they’ll be! If it were me as the college student though, I would find it fair if a summer were declared the Summer Of Claiming Your Crap, and all stuff that I actually wanted had to be in designated storage bins that I’d commit to come retrieve after college, and the rest would be donated. Donating it without consulting me would have seemed like a betrayal, no matter whether I actually needed it.

bluGill 16d ago

Probably not - but it isn't his decision, and the kids are not yet in a place in life where they can make the decision. Until the kids figure out where their life will take them they can't know. I have some heirlooms that I'm really glad to have now, but when I was in college living in dorms I wouldn't have had space for them. You have no clue what somebody else finds important and will throw the wrong things.

BeetleB 16d ago

I definitely would have. I'd understand if they really needed to get rid of it, but the conversation must be had!

jjav 16d ago

> Are you sure they even will want it back? Might be better to just donate it all now and save the money. At 20-something after college, no, they probably don't want it. When they are 40 or 50, they will desperately want it back.