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There's an important difference between granting a favor and granting a request. Compare: -Bob buys Ed a copy of Boating Skills and Seamanship because he knows
by SatvikBeri 14y ago
There's an important difference between granting a favor and granting a request. Compare:
-Bob buys Ed a copy of Boating Skills and Seamanship because he knows Ed likes boats
-Ed asks Bob to buy him a copy of Boating Skills and Seamanship and Bob obliges
In case 1, Bob is taking a high-status action without lowering Ed's status. In case 2, Ed is taking a high-status action but lowering Bob's status.
- wallflower 14y agoStatus games are very interesting. Some of the best people at manipulating status are kiosk sellers. "As he was rising from obscurity in Philadelphia and wanted the approval of some important man, Franklin would often maneuver that man into doing Franklin some unimportant favor, like lending Franklin a book. Thereafter, the man would admire and trust Franklin more because a nonadmired and nontrusted Franklin would be inconsistent with the appraisal implicit in lending Franklin the book." http://blog.pmarca.com/2008/03/the-psychology.html http://blog.pmarca.com/2008/03/the-psychology.html
- SatvikBeri 14y agoThis is a great point. One of the best things you can do to quickly build a friendship is ask for a small favor. Borrowing a book or asking for advice are good examples. I think this only works when the cost to the favor-giver is small and the value for the favor-receiver is large. I love it when I can save someone 4 hours with a few minutes of effort. It feels great and triggers "warm fuzzies." That's why posting on sites like Stack Overflow or Quora is so addictive. But if someone asks me to spend two hours on something that would take them the same amount of time, it feels more like an obligation.