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I'm not married, nor do I have kids, but I've decided when that time comes I will put my wife first. It seems to me "your children come first" is the tradition

I'm not married, nor do I have kids, but I've decided when that time comes I will put my wife first. It seems to me "your children come first" is the traditional expectation of modern, American society, but I think it's wrong. At least in my case, it led to me being very well treated and doted on within a tragic environment of my parents' relationship falling apart. This NYTimes blog post [1] captures my feelings pretty well. [1] http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/14/priorities-children-or-spouse/ http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/14/priorities-chi...

btilly 14y ago
If you don't have time for each other, you have problems. But even when we're together, the children are still on our minds.
vidarh 14y ago
> I'm not married, nor do I have kids, but I've decided when that time comes I will put my wife first. You are not prepared for the hormone storm that you'll experience the first time you hold your child. For me, I wasn't sure I was ready. I said yes to having kids because my wife wanted kids. The moment I held my son for the first time, on the other hand, all my priorities shifted instantly. Maybe you'll still hold on to the idea of putting your wife first, but you're not in any position to make decisions about it at this stage and expect them to hold firm.
- cicero 14y ago
  Actually, now is the perfect time to rationally come up with some sound principles before the hormone storm hits. Hormones are not a good basis for decisions that affect the course of peoples' lives.
  - parasubvert 14y ago
    Hormones are the primary basis for most major life decisions. We are animals, not machines. They're not "good" if followed in isolation to memory or reason. But neither is reason good in isolation.
  - vidarh 14y ago
    Except when the hormone storm hits, you will rationalize to yourself exactly why you need to reverse those decisions with the greatest ease, if that's what fits best. Hormones control a substantial part of your life, no matter whether you like it or not, and they influence and control a large part of the decision you think you made rationally.
philwelch 14y ago
If it wasn't in your best interest as a child for them to act as they did, their mistake was not to put your interests first but to poorly and naively do so, probably by sacrificing the long term to serve the short term. This is isomorphic to the question of naive selfishness vs. enlightened self-interest.

btilly 14y ago

If you don't have time for each other, you have problems. But even when we're together, the children are still on our minds.

vidarh 14y ago

> I'm not married, nor do I have kids, but I've decided when that time comes I will put my wife first. You are not prepared for the hormone storm that you'll experience the first time you hold your child. For me, I wasn't sure I was ready. I said yes to having kids because my wife wanted kids. The moment I held my son for the first time, on the other hand, all my priorities shifted instantly. Maybe you'll still hold on to the idea of putting your wife first, but you're not in any position to make decisions about it at this stage and expect them to hold firm.

cicero 14y ago
Actually, now is the perfect time to rationally come up with some sound principles before the hormone storm hits. Hormones are not a good basis for decisions that affect the course of peoples' lives.
- parasubvert 14y ago
  Hormones are the primary basis for most major life decisions. We are animals, not machines. They're not "good" if followed in isolation to memory or reason. But neither is reason good in isolation.
- vidarh 14y ago
  Except when the hormone storm hits, you will rationalize to yourself exactly why you need to reverse those decisions with the greatest ease, if that's what fits best. Hormones control a substantial part of your life, no matter whether you like it or not, and they influence and control a large part of the decision you think you made rationally.

philwelch 14y ago

If it wasn't in your best interest as a child for them to act as they did, their mistake was not to put your interests first but to poorly and naively do so, probably by sacrificing the long term to serve the short term. This is isomorphic to the question of naive selfishness vs. enlightened self-interest.