The thing that will enable you to design at a real level, is being able to assess designs, including your own. "Having an eye" "Taste". Start getting opinionate

The thing that will enable you to design at a real level, is being able to assess designs, including your own. "Having an eye" "Taste". Start getting opinionated about other designs you see. Look at every detail. Be harsh in your evaluation. Then go back to your own work and be just as harsh. (It helps if it isn't work that you just finished). Just keep designing and being critical of other designs. After a while, show some of your stuff to professional designers and ask them to be honest about it. Learn from this. Even if you never are able to learn to do good design on your own, this practice will allow you to direct designers much better at some later stage in your career. Gaining an "eye" is also the only way you can be a real designer. You can't A/B test stuff in your head. Putting a bunch of elements, both UX and visual together into a coherent whole in your head, using taste is the only way you can break past local maxima and really come up with new things. A/B testing is to polish after.