Then why not either realize that you either a.) don't really believe God hates people who killed themselves no matter the circumstance b.) disagree with God on

Then why not either realize that you either a.) don't really believe God hates people who killed themselves no matter the circumstance b.) disagree with God on that. People know it, God knows it, lying about it doesn't make a suicide something else. Also how can you forgive someone when you lie to yourself and others about it? So either simply stop being a hardass and be social in burial as you're supposed to be in life; or accept that you're making the whole practice of "being buried as proper Jew" completely meaningless (which I would argue is meaningless to begin with, but everybody has to find that out for themselves). But at no point is this an argument for just "fudging the numbers". It's just the easy way out, pun really not intended.