5 ms·

Tip: if you're like me and not great at small-talk and so you find yourself falling into the ask-a-million-questions trap, try this. Follow your mundane questi

by qeorge 14y ago

Tip: if you're like me and not great at small-talk and so you find yourself falling into the ask-a-million-questions trap, try this. Follow your mundane questions with a form of "do you like it?". It will usually break the conversation right out of 20-questions mode. Example: A: What is your major? B: English A: Do you like it? B: Well, yes, but what most people don't understand about English majors is... I picked this up on Reddit, and it really works. Give it a try!

dpatrick86 14y ago
I like it!
- kami8845 14y ago
  Do you like it?
TDL 14y ago
Interesting technique, granted it might lead to some awkward answers (but sometimes those are the most honest.)
- untog 14y ago
  "You've been dating for three months? Do you like it?"
nostrademons 14y ago
That helps, but what a socially-adept person is usually looking for is for you to make a statement that relates their answer back to yourself and then gives them an opportunity to follow up: A: What is your major? B: English A: Oh, cool, I took an English course in college. Probably nowhere near as detailed as your studies, but I enjoyed it. B: Oh? Which course? A: Science fiction. B: Never took that one. Which books did you read? A: A bunch of Heinlein, some Ursula LeGuin. B: I never liked Heinlein - thought he was a sexist pig. I love LeGuin though. The problem with asking a lot of questions is that there's unequal emotional investment between a question and an answer: the answerer is putting themselves out there a lot more than the questioner. (This is one reason why he who asks the questions controls the conversation.) If you're trying to build a relationship, this feels very awkward. Instead, the point of most conversations is to find & build a connection between the two people, one that lets both of them feel safe simply volunteering information and knowing that the other person is interested. By relating topics back to yourself, you a.) give both parties a chance to ask questions, and b.) show that you're in the same boat as them, and so they can feel free to open up to you. Notice that conversations between close friends rarely have questions - they consist of people taking turns volunteering new information, often rather animatedly if they have good rapport with each other. Also look at Hacker News comment threads: people rarely ask direct questions, they just contribute additional information along the same lines as the original comment.
- ako 14y ago
  I think it's really rude to pretend interest in another person by asking questions, and then to start talking about yourself as soon as you can...
ansgri 14y ago
It might be a bit dangerous with some kind of people: when I'm telling I'm doing something the answer would always be a mixture of 'Of course not, the results are nowhere as good as they should be' and 'Of course yes, or I wouldn't do it'. Either component a bit angry. And I presume there are other such people in the industry.

by qeorge 14y ago

dpatrick86 14y ago

I like it!

kami8845 14y ago
Do you like it?

TDL 14y ago

Interesting technique, granted it might lead to some awkward answers (but sometimes those are the most honest.)

untog 14y ago
"You've been dating for three months? Do you like it?"

nostrademons 14y ago

That helps, but what a socially-adept person is usually looking for is for you to make a statement that relates their answer back to yourself and then gives them an opportunity to follow up: A: What is your major? B: English A: Oh, cool, I took an English course in college. Probably nowhere near as detailed as your studies, but I enjoyed it. B: Oh? Which course? A: Science fiction. B: Never took that one. Which books did you read? A: A bunch of Heinlein, some Ursula LeGuin. B: I never liked Heinlein - thought he was a sexist pig. I love LeGuin though. The problem with asking a lot of questions is that there's unequal emotional investment between a question and an answer: the answerer is putting themselves out there a lot more than the questioner. (This is one reason why he who asks the questions controls the conversation.) If you're trying to build a relationship, this feels very awkward. Instead, the point of most conversations is to find & build a connection between the two people, one that lets both of them feel safe simply volunteering information and knowing that the other person is interested. By relating topics back to yourself, you a.) give both parties a chance to ask questions, and b.) show that you're in the same boat as them, and so they can feel free to open up to you. Notice that conversations between close friends rarely have questions - they consist of people taking turns volunteering new information, often rather animatedly if they have good rapport with each other. Also look at Hacker News comment threads: people rarely ask direct questions, they just contribute additional information along the same lines as the original comment.

ako 14y ago
I think it's really rude to pretend interest in another person by asking questions, and then to start talking about yourself as soon as you can...

ansgri 14y ago

It might be a bit dangerous with some kind of people: when I'm telling I'm doing something the answer would always be a mixture of 'Of course not, the results are nowhere as good as they should be' and 'Of course yes, or I wouldn't do it'. Either component a bit angry. And I presume there are other such people in the industry.