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You reduce massively this complex topic into having kids = more happiness. Divorce rates, marriage counseling intensity and just looking around paints a very di

by kakacik 2mo ago

You reduce massively this complex topic into having kids = more happiness. Divorce rates, marriage counseling intensity and just looking around paints a very different and much more realistic picture. Most marriages either fail or keep it up in semi-miserable fashion (for kids, money, insecurity and so on but never due to actual strength of the bond or any love remaining). That comes from married father of two - the idea that having kids somehow magically makes life better and everybody happier is what got society into pushing everybody into marriages for decades long after pressure from religions waned. Suffice to say it didn't work very well. Works great for some, is a proper mistake for others.

tsss 2mo ago
In fact, the data points into the opposite direction: Children and money problems are by far the most destructive things for a happy marriage.
- joenot443 2mo ago
  Marriages where the couple had children together are considerably less likely to end than marriages without children. A recent Canadian poll showed an effect size of ~60%. [1] Table 1 covers this nicely. I’d be curious what data you’re citing to suggest children are by far the most destructive thing for a happy marriage. It seems like the kind of redditism most popular with people for whom it doesn’t apply :) https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/89-652-x/89-652-x2024001-eng.htm https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/89-652-x/89-652-x2024001...
  - hackerdood 2mo ago
    Chiming in late to say destruction of a happy marriage does not necessarily lead to divorce. Plenty of couples in essentially dead marriages “stay together for the kids” to provide some semblance of a normal family, regardless of whether it’s actually a better outcome. OTOH unhappy marriages with no children have relatively few obstacles standing in the way of divorce.
xyzelement 2mo ago
We are having a conversation about smart outcomes here. The divorce rate is not a random thing. My odds of being happily married or miserable are heavily influenced by how I have worked on myself and who I chose to marry. So part of being "smart" is navigating that situation to achieve the right outcome. The outcome itself is not guaranteed but to cite the rate without acknowledging the factors that are in your control misses the point here. Someone's terrible marriage is of no relevance to your situation.

by kakacik 2mo ago

tsss 2mo ago

In fact, the data points into the opposite direction: Children and money problems are by far the most destructive things for a happy marriage.

joenot443 2mo ago
Marriages where the couple had children together are considerably less likely to end than marriages without children. A recent Canadian poll showed an effect size of ~60%. [1] Table 1 covers this nicely. I’d be curious what data you’re citing to suggest children are by far the most destructive thing for a happy marriage. It seems like the kind of redditism most popular with people for whom it doesn’t apply :) https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/89-652-x/89-652-x2024001-eng.htm https://www150.statcan.gc.ca/n1/pub/89-652-x/89-652-x2024001...
- hackerdood 2mo ago
  Chiming in late to say destruction of a happy marriage does not necessarily lead to divorce. Plenty of couples in essentially dead marriages “stay together for the kids” to provide some semblance of a normal family, regardless of whether it’s actually a better outcome. OTOH unhappy marriages with no children have relatively few obstacles standing in the way of divorce.

xyzelement 2mo ago

We are having a conversation about smart outcomes here. The divorce rate is not a random thing. My odds of being happily married or miserable are heavily influenced by how I have worked on myself and who I chose to marry. So part of being "smart" is navigating that situation to achieve the right outcome. The outcome itself is not guaranteed but to cite the rate without acknowledging the factors that are in your control misses the point here. Someone's terrible marriage is of no relevance to your situation.