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> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them While it's less common now, I don't think anyone who grew up in a bigger family under

> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them While it's less common now, I don't think anyone who grew up in a bigger family under one roof could agree with that. Nothing divine is gatekeeping this experience. It's the socioeconomic climate we've created doing that. It makes perfect sense that you value your family so deeply, but you might want to reconsider where you anchor your pride. It's a lot of responsibility. Unexpected things can happen. I'm extremely grateful to have examined all stages of life on a daily basis before even going to college, but I think having kids is a heavy choice. It's perhaps the heaviest choice of all. Since there's no mystery in it for me, I'm still enjoying being unchained.

kleiba2 1mo ago
> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them
adwn 1mo ago
> […] I don't think anyone who grew up in a bigger family under one roof could agree with that. I do. I grew up with 5 siblings, and having brothers and sisters is very, very different from having your own children. My relation with and my emotions towards my children is very different from my relation with and my emotions towards my siblings, both now and when I was still living with them in the same house.
- adwn 1mo ago
  Off-topic: I have absolutely no idea why my comment got downvoted. I shared a personal anecdote that's directly relevant to the discussion at hand and which counters the claim of the comment I replied to. Does someone think I'm lying? Was my comment too controversial? I don't get it. What is wrong with this site?
  - sublinear 1mo ago
    For what it's worth, I think that happens to everyone now because of all the bots and toxic astroturfing. Since comments are sorted by points, it's more of an indication how touchy or dogmatic a subject is. I expect to lose points when I'm not the only reply. I've seen discussions where hours later a brigade of green accounts skyrocket to the top out of nowhere simply because they reinforce a more convenient idea. All of the original more interesting comments get downvoted. With this one though, I don't know since all your replies are basically the same and you've all been here a while. I actually expected my comment to get more downvotes since I was describing a tougher upbringing in a multi-generational household, but it got buried in noise. HN generally doesn't know how to handle more down-to-earth topics and defaults to thinking in stereotypes. If there is a difference between the replies, the top one was made after yours and elaborates on being "tough" while still disagreeing, so maybe that's more convincing to some people?
joenot443 1mo ago
I grew up in a large family of 5 kids and I think it’d be very ignorant to suggest that experience is at all comparable to having children of my own. I promise you that you do not know what having children is like and that the mystery remains alive, should you ever choose to take that journey. One is reminded of Plato’s cave.
sethammons 1mo ago
My wife is one of seven. Her five older brothers nearly scared her off of ever wanting a son. Our kids are not like her siblings' nor their kids. You might have an idea that there is no mystery. You've only seen a glimpse yet, even if you were changing your siblings' diapers. There is much more of that mystery iceberg.

kleiba2 1mo ago

> you absolutely cannot know what it's like until you actually have them

adwn 1mo ago

> […] I don't think anyone who grew up in a bigger family under one roof could agree with that. I do. I grew up with 5 siblings, and having brothers and sisters is very, very different from having your own children. My relation with and my emotions towards my children is very different from my relation with and my emotions towards my siblings, both now and when I was still living with them in the same house.

adwn 1mo ago
Off-topic: I have absolutely no idea why my comment got downvoted. I shared a personal anecdote that's directly relevant to the discussion at hand and which counters the claim of the comment I replied to. Does someone think I'm lying? Was my comment too controversial? I don't get it. What is wrong with this site?
- sublinear 1mo ago
  For what it's worth, I think that happens to everyone now because of all the bots and toxic astroturfing. Since comments are sorted by points, it's more of an indication how touchy or dogmatic a subject is. I expect to lose points when I'm not the only reply. I've seen discussions where hours later a brigade of green accounts skyrocket to the top out of nowhere simply because they reinforce a more convenient idea. All of the original more interesting comments get downvoted. With this one though, I don't know since all your replies are basically the same and you've all been here a while. I actually expected my comment to get more downvotes since I was describing a tougher upbringing in a multi-generational household, but it got buried in noise. HN generally doesn't know how to handle more down-to-earth topics and defaults to thinking in stereotypes. If there is a difference between the replies, the top one was made after yours and elaborates on being "tough" while still disagreeing, so maybe that's more convincing to some people?

joenot443 1mo ago

I grew up in a large family of 5 kids and I think it’d be very ignorant to suggest that experience is at all comparable to having children of my own. I promise you that you do not know what having children is like and that the mystery remains alive, should you ever choose to take that journey. One is reminded of Plato’s cave.

sethammons 1mo ago

My wife is one of seven. Her five older brothers nearly scared her off of ever wanting a son. Our kids are not like her siblings' nor their kids. You might have an idea that there is no mystery. You've only seen a glimpse yet, even if you were changing your siblings' diapers. There is much more of that mystery iceberg.