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how did you make this transition? i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". i don't like being wrong, and it's my go-to ego lick at work, "well bad thing

how did you make this transition? i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". i don't like being wrong, and it's my go-to ego lick at work, "well bad thing x may have happened, but at least I'm still valued for being smart". it was my label in high school that i've never quite shed. obviously now i have so many more facets - father, husband, leader, writer/reader. Smartness is just raw horsepower, it's what you do with it that matters. And there's lots of kinds of "smarts". As an example, my wife wasn't the traditional "book smart" but she's emotionally & street smart - knows how to get things done, how to think on her feet, etc. but still despite that increased richness from life experience, I'm still "smart" and hold on to it

christophilus 1mo ago
For me, I realized how insufferable my smart friends were, and I looked at people who I admired and whose company I enjoyed, and I realized humility was a key trait among the people I liked best. I’m still insufferable, though, but hopefully less than before!
- ColdStream 1mo ago
  Like the whole meme of "Well actually...". Sometimes you just need to let it go, choose peace over proving something. Occasionally I still get caught up in something but it is very rare nowadays.
dnlosx 1mo ago
My process was a multi-year process of recognizing my vulnerabilities. A couple of things that come to mind. Meeting and liking people who were really different from me, with mindsets completely different. The kind of people I would previously judge as "dumb" were suddenly teaching things that improved my life. For example, my beliefs are science-oriented, and I am very skeptical, but now I have close friends who are esotericists, and I really enjoy passing time with them. The book "The Courage To Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Help me a lot to understand myself and my insecurities.
stasomatic 1mo ago
i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". Is it that you think you are smart, or smarter than the others? Is it about your deeper knowledge about a few specific subjects that interest you but not others? I've been and am in this trap. I think I am not dim. I doubt it's genetic, because I have living relatives, so :) I am smart about USB-C accessories, nobody else cares. They are smart about living their lives to the fullest.
- bharatsuthar 1mo ago
  Good points. I often think about this and I've come to the conclusion that just because other people don't have deep or niche interests doesn't make them any less smart than me. I lived in a city during my "social learning" phase and then moved back to my village. I realized that people I might have mistakenly categorized as less smart than me are absolutely amazing at things I constantly struggle with. They're street-smart, practical and genuinely content. It blows my mind to see how resilient they are when dealing with personal suffering and natural calamities. They're the perfect example of what Marcus Aurelius calls "living according to nature" in his Meditations.
ok_dad 1mo ago
In what way are you smart? I started to think about the things I was good and bad at, and I realized I'm only good at certain types of problems and work due to practice and study. Try to be confident in your interests and pursuits where you know you have experience or you want to gain experience, but don't be overconfident and begin think you know about things that you barely scratched the surface of. A good start is to never assume you know how to solve a problem that has been unsolved for ages, in general. Often, the people who hang out here don't know that line because they think they're "smart".
AtHeartEngineer 1mo ago
For me it was a combination of being around people much smarter than me (I got lucky and worked at some crazy places) and realizing how disfunctional they are. There is some happy medium where you can be pretty smart and realize you are a normal person. I've met people that are about my intelligence, who have been better educated than me, and they think they are fucking brilliant and it's just tiring as shit. They are insufferable to be around. Honestly I think a lot of silicon valely/tech bro people are a fucking chore to deal with because they have this "I'm so smart" attitude. If you want to check your ego, try to prove yourself wrong, test theories, talk to people to get their perspective and actually try to understand them. At some point you realize how much you don't understand about the world, about other fields, and about other people's experience.

christophilus 1mo ago

For me, I realized how insufferable my smart friends were, and I looked at people who I admired and whose company I enjoyed, and I realized humility was a key trait among the people I liked best. I’m still insufferable, though, but hopefully less than before!

ColdStream 1mo ago
Like the whole meme of "Well actually...". Sometimes you just need to let it go, choose peace over proving something. Occasionally I still get caught up in something but it is very rare nowadays.

dnlosx 1mo ago

My process was a multi-year process of recognizing my vulnerabilities. A couple of things that come to mind. Meeting and liking people who were really different from me, with mindsets completely different. The kind of people I would previously judge as "dumb" were suddenly teaching things that improved my life. For example, my beliefs are science-oriented, and I am very skeptical, but now I have close friends who are esotericists, and I really enjoy passing time with them. The book "The Courage To Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Help me a lot to understand myself and my insecurities.

stasomatic 1mo ago

i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". Is it that you think you are smart, or smarter than the others? Is it about your deeper knowledge about a few specific subjects that interest you but not others? I've been and am in this trap. I think I am not dim. I doubt it's genetic, because I have living relatives, so :) I am smart about USB-C accessories, nobody else cares. They are smart about living their lives to the fullest.

bharatsuthar 1mo ago
Good points. I often think about this and I've come to the conclusion that just because other people don't have deep or niche interests doesn't make them any less smart than me. I lived in a city during my "social learning" phase and then moved back to my village. I realized that people I might have mistakenly categorized as less smart than me are absolutely amazing at things I constantly struggle with. They're street-smart, practical and genuinely content. It blows my mind to see how resilient they are when dealing with personal suffering and natural calamities. They're the perfect example of what Marcus Aurelius calls "living according to nature" in his Meditations.

ok_dad 1mo ago

In what way are you smart? I started to think about the things I was good and bad at, and I realized I'm only good at certain types of problems and work due to practice and study. Try to be confident in your interests and pursuits where you know you have experience or you want to gain experience, but don't be overconfident and begin think you know about things that you barely scratched the surface of. A good start is to never assume you know how to solve a problem that has been unsolved for ages, in general. Often, the people who hang out here don't know that line because they think they're "smart".

AtHeartEngineer 1mo ago

For me it was a combination of being around people much smarter than me (I got lucky and worked at some crazy places) and realizing how disfunctional they are. There is some happy medium where you can be pretty smart and realize you are a normal person. I've met people that are about my intelligence, who have been better educated than me, and they think they are fucking brilliant and it's just tiring as shit. They are insufferable to be around. Honestly I think a lot of silicon valely/tech bro people are a fucking chore to deal with because they have this "I'm so smart" attitude. If you want to check your ego, try to prove yourself wrong, test theories, talk to people to get their perspective and actually try to understand them. At some point you realize how much you don't understand about the world, about other fields, and about other people's experience.