4 ms·

If you are just talking about contraception, that's a bit reductive. There is a notable percentage of people who regret having kids, despite initially deciding

If you are just talking about contraception, that's a bit reductive. There is a notable percentage of people who regret having kids, despite initially deciding to have them. It is not possible to fully anticipate what it's like. For some parents, an unexpected change in circumstances may also change perspectives. E.g. their own parents may fall ill and add to the caretaking burden instead of sharing in it.

overtone1000 2mo ago
Ha! It's more than contraception availability although that certainly is why I qualified my bafflement as being in regards to reasonably intelligent people. It's pretty easy to imagine how this could happen due to temporary or permanent affliction by idiocy. None of the personal examples I have in mind had circumstances that explain the resentment these men expressed. I think you're right that they simply failed to anticipate how parenthood would be, or maybe they didn't even recognize it as something worth consideration.
- munksbeer 2mo ago
  This is exactly it. I love my children more than anything, I would die for them. I do regret having children though, *at the moment*. I didn't realise just how very hard it would be. My eldest is autistic though, so for seven years we've doubted ourselves, struggling because of his extreme emotions and meltdowns. And then feeling judged by the entire world because I don't feel as the world prescribes. Until you've lived that life, it is best not to judge. Just like I couldn't judge how I would personally react to being a parent until I became one. Btw, my regret fluctuates, and there are periods where I would not change things at all. I hope, with time, those periods grow longer until they're the only periods.
  - overtone1000 2mo ago
    Thank you for this comment. I think your perspective helps me understand one of the examples I had in mind.
ChrisRR 2mo ago
> There is a notable percentage of people who regret having kids, despite initially deciding to have them. I always say that people choose to have kids, they don't choose to have teenagers
- spiderfarmer 2mo ago
  Treat your kids as adults when they reach puberty, problem solved. Never act like they are too young for anything. Just explain how the world works and let them figure it out. Just don’t get mad at every stumble along the way. Be there for them if they need you. I say this unironically. The “Move fast and break things” approach works wonders for the relationship between parents and children.
  - ChrisRR 2mo ago
    That assumes that children/teenagers are logical creatures. They're not You can follow every parenting guide under the sun and still be left with a moody teenager that argues back at everything you tell them
    - spiderfarmer 2mo ago
      I don't think I implied or assumed that children are logical creatures. > a moody teenager that argues back at everything you tell them As an adult, do you like to be "told"? Ask your kid how he likes to be treated.

overtone1000 2mo ago

Ha! It's more than contraception availability although that certainly is why I qualified my bafflement as being in regards to reasonably intelligent people. It's pretty easy to imagine how this could happen due to temporary or permanent affliction by idiocy. None of the personal examples I have in mind had circumstances that explain the resentment these men expressed. I think you're right that they simply failed to anticipate how parenthood would be, or maybe they didn't even recognize it as something worth consideration.

munksbeer 2mo ago
This is exactly it. I love my children more than anything, I would die for them. I do regret having children though, *at the moment*. I didn't realise just how very hard it would be. My eldest is autistic though, so for seven years we've doubted ourselves, struggling because of his extreme emotions and meltdowns. And then feeling judged by the entire world because I don't feel as the world prescribes. Until you've lived that life, it is best not to judge. Just like I couldn't judge how I would personally react to being a parent until I became one. Btw, my regret fluctuates, and there are periods where I would not change things at all. I hope, with time, those periods grow longer until they're the only periods.
- overtone1000 2mo ago
  Thank you for this comment. I think your perspective helps me understand one of the examples I had in mind.

ChrisRR 2mo ago

> There is a notable percentage of people who regret having kids, despite initially deciding to have them. I always say that people choose to have kids, they don't choose to have teenagers

spiderfarmer 2mo ago
Treat your kids as adults when they reach puberty, problem solved. Never act like they are too young for anything. Just explain how the world works and let them figure it out. Just don’t get mad at every stumble along the way. Be there for them if they need you. I say this unironically. The “Move fast and break things” approach works wonders for the relationship between parents and children.
- ChrisRR 2mo ago
  That assumes that children/teenagers are logical creatures. They're not You can follow every parenting guide under the sun and still be left with a moody teenager that argues back at everything you tell them
  - spiderfarmer 2mo ago
    I don't think I implied or assumed that children are logical creatures. > a moody teenager that argues back at everything you tell them As an adult, do you like to be "told"? Ask your kid how he likes to be treated.