4 ms·

Story time! My brother (3 years younger) suffers from pretty much the same global disorder as described in the blog; the main difference is that we're in Franc

by GuiA 14y ago

Story time! My brother (3 years younger) suffers from pretty much the same global disorder as described in the blog; the main difference is that we're in France (well, my family still is; I moved a few years ago). Throughout childhood, he presented a mix of pretty much every single psychological disorder possible- bipolar, paranoia, kleptomania, depression, etc. He was extremely manipulative, and knew how to be perfectly sweet like the author describes. I always saw it as a very contrived act on his part, one in perhaps in lost himself at times- but I believe that when he presents this adorable facade, he is mostly in control of it. He has definitely threatened my parents or myself with a knife, and I'm glad we have decent gun control in France. I believe that if he hadn't grown up in a wealthy privileged environment, he'd be dead or roaming the streets today. IQ tests put him in the ~120-130 range, and psychologists recommended a wide array of solutions, ranging from the behavioral (for example one determined that it was because he didn't feel secure and had enough privacy, and suggested that he should get locks for his room etc.- that led to an entire different set of complications, and that psychologist was abandoned promptly.) to the medical (although he was never subjected to the wide variety of antidepressants cited in the article- France in the 90s-early 00s seemed to avoid those sort of things). Ultimately, nothing worked. Things got much, much worse with adolescence; he went to 4 schools, all very different (one public school, one catholic private school, one boarding school in the countryside, etc.), and got kicked out of all of them but one. My parents did find a few things that mitigated his conditions: for example, he was in the boy scouts for a few years, which helped. Today he's 20, barely graduated high school; he now lives somewhere in the French mountains with his girlfriend, chopping wood and harvesting grapes. We haven't talked (other than "hey what's up" at family meals once a year) in 7 years or so. I could probably write an entire book on the topic, but would rather avoid to do so for the moment; but if anyone has questions, I'll gladly answer them.

onnn 14y ago
I'm adding this to my list of counter examples, for when some tries to tell me I have to get my life together before I'll find a girlfriend.
- GuiA 14y ago
  It's something that we hear a lot. My naive non-american mind believes that it's not about finding a girlfriend, but finding the right person. It's preferable to have your life together for the former, but I'm not sure it makes much of a difference for the latter.
  - onnn 14y ago
    > My naive non-american mind Does this sentiment not exist where you are from?
    - sp332 14y ago
      My mother's family traveled all over Europe while she was growing up, and she picked a new boyfriend in each new school. She told me, she just never really considered not having a boyfriend, even if everyone involved knew it was pretty temporary. So it's not a purely US thing.
      - GuiA 14y ago
        Well, the romantic relationships you have in middle/high school are quite different from the ones you cultivate in college and later in life; my point referred more to the latter.
    - GuiA 14y ago
      Definitely not as much. In my experience, people in the US in their 20s (both during and post university) tend to be more in the mindset "I want a relationship" (and they're actively looking for one, using dating sites, personal networks, etc.) or "I don't want a relationship" (in which case they actively avoid it); whereas in France and European countries, people tend to be more neutral by default and then hop into a relationship when the right person comes along. Those are just my observations though- they could well be skewed.
      - Crake 14y ago
xyzzy123 14y ago
Hi, thank you for sharing. My question is, do you think your brother is better off now than he would have been had he been institutionalized?
- GuiA 14y ago
  That's a very hard question to answer, as I don't know what exactly would have happened if he had been institutionalized. French psychiatrists has a very different approach than US ones (although that might change) when it comes to diagnosis, so it's really hard to say. A question could be - what would have been the goals of institutionalizing him? To make him more fit for life in our society with our standards; or to prevent him from harming others and himself? Since you're asking specifically if he would have been better off, I'm assuming the former of the two- in which case no, I don't think he'd have been better off. I do think he's physiologically incapable of sitting at a desk, taking orders, living in an extremely codified manner where one has to respect certain hierarchies, hide certain feelings, etc. - and that perhaps he has now found a way to detach himself from it. I don't think that any institution could have addressed that. But I'm sure that there are some people (former teachers, classmates, etc.) who think it'd have been better if he had been institutionalized.
- gregsq 14y ago
  In Australia the policy has been to essentially close institutions and make mental health a community care based solution. Once upon a time the methodology for dealing with schizophrenics and other more severe cases of mental illness was to sedate, blast neural connections with electricity, and if that didn't work, cut it out. With more modern drug regimes, extreme behaviour by these poor souls is more 'manageable'. And in many cases I think, that's the best you can hope for. The effects of this policy are varied. On one hand, it can make the polices' job more complex. There was a period some time back where the police were being confronted regularly by dangerous behaviour, which lead to deaths by police shootings. It spawned a rash of confrontations and corresponding shooting deaths, which appeared to be escalating. It soon became obvious that these mentally unstable people were getting a fast ticket to pain relief, assisted by police action. This lead to improved education for the police, in respect of resolution and firearms training. The situation deescalated after that, and the cycle of depression, anger and suicide by proxy was broken. Australia is a large country, only a little smaller than the United States, with a population of only 20 or so million. So there are regional areas separated by reasonable distances from the major capitals. Two regional cities near to Melbourne that I am aware of have become the nexus for individuals that are part of this community care attitude. Like attracts like in this instance, and a natural clustering has occurred so that the proportion of the population with mental health issues is greater than the average. To get an inkling of the degree of organisation involved as a result of these policies, just google 'bendigo mental health'.
mailshanx 14y ago
Thats intriguing. It seems like he has somewhat adjusted over time. Did you witness a general improvement in his personality as he grew up? Did things especially improve in his late teens perhaps?
- GuiA 14y ago
  I definitely think things have improved (although they can always go south at a moment's notice- for example last year, he dropped and broke his phone, which triggered an "episode" that lasted pretty much the whole day.) There are likely multiple factors at play- it's quite conceivable that puberty hormones make the matters worse, and that he's slowly exiting this phase, it's something less in the way. But I also think that as he grows up, there are less "triggers" for his episodes. Episodes are almost always triggered when something or someone contradicts him (for example in the original linked article, when the mom tells the kid he can't wear the pants he wants to wear). Now that he lives by himself in a small village with no parents, no teachers, etc., (when you think about it, schools are terribly oppressive environments) the triggers are much less numerous.
  - Natsu 14y ago
    From your perspective, when & how did it start? Was he always like that, or is there a specific event you remember as the start of this?
    - GuiA 14y ago
      I've always remembered him being like that, and my parents corroborate this. Apparently when he was a newborn/toddler, he would throw huge tantrums, was very hot-tempered, impossible to manage when he was sick, etc. This leads me to further believe that his case his mostly genetic/physiological in nature.
dbyrd 14y ago
Glad to hear your brother could end up somewhere happy. My younger brother fits the same archetype but is only 17.
antman 14y ago
He is in the mountains chopping wood with his girlfrend? The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Humans vs Dolphins “For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.” ― Douglas Adams

by GuiA 14y ago

onnn 14y ago

I'm adding this to my list of counter examples, for when some tries to tell me I have to get my life together before I'll find a girlfriend.

GuiA 14y ago
It's something that we hear a lot. My naive non-american mind believes that it's not about finding a girlfriend, but finding the right person. It's preferable to have your life together for the former, but I'm not sure it makes much of a difference for the latter.
- onnn 14y ago
  > My naive non-american mind Does this sentiment not exist where you are from?
  - sp332 14y ago
    My mother's family traveled all over Europe while she was growing up, and she picked a new boyfriend in each new school. She told me, she just never really considered not having a boyfriend, even if everyone involved knew it was pretty temporary. So it's not a purely US thing.
    - GuiA 14y ago
      Well, the romantic relationships you have in middle/high school are quite different from the ones you cultivate in college and later in life; my point referred more to the latter.
  - GuiA 14y ago
    Definitely not as much. In my experience, people in the US in their 20s (both during and post university) tend to be more in the mindset "I want a relationship" (and they're actively looking for one, using dating sites, personal networks, etc.) or "I don't want a relationship" (in which case they actively avoid it); whereas in France and European countries, people tend to be more neutral by default and then hop into a relationship when the right person comes along. Those are just my observations though- they could well be skewed.
    - Crake 14y ago

xyzzy123 14y ago

Hi, thank you for sharing. My question is, do you think your brother is better off now than he would have been had he been institutionalized?

GuiA 14y ago
That's a very hard question to answer, as I don't know what exactly would have happened if he had been institutionalized. French psychiatrists has a very different approach than US ones (although that might change) when it comes to diagnosis, so it's really hard to say. A question could be - what would have been the goals of institutionalizing him? To make him more fit for life in our society with our standards; or to prevent him from harming others and himself? Since you're asking specifically if he would have been better off, I'm assuming the former of the two- in which case no, I don't think he'd have been better off. I do think he's physiologically incapable of sitting at a desk, taking orders, living in an extremely codified manner where one has to respect certain hierarchies, hide certain feelings, etc. - and that perhaps he has now found a way to detach himself from it. I don't think that any institution could have addressed that. But I'm sure that there are some people (former teachers, classmates, etc.) who think it'd have been better if he had been institutionalized.
gregsq 14y ago
In Australia the policy has been to essentially close institutions and make mental health a community care based solution. Once upon a time the methodology for dealing with schizophrenics and other more severe cases of mental illness was to sedate, blast neural connections with electricity, and if that didn't work, cut it out. With more modern drug regimes, extreme behaviour by these poor souls is more 'manageable'. And in many cases I think, that's the best you can hope for. The effects of this policy are varied. On one hand, it can make the polices' job more complex. There was a period some time back where the police were being confronted regularly by dangerous behaviour, which lead to deaths by police shootings. It spawned a rash of confrontations and corresponding shooting deaths, which appeared to be escalating. It soon became obvious that these mentally unstable people were getting a fast ticket to pain relief, assisted by police action. This lead to improved education for the police, in respect of resolution and firearms training. The situation deescalated after that, and the cycle of depression, anger and suicide by proxy was broken. Australia is a large country, only a little smaller than the United States, with a population of only 20 or so million. So there are regional areas separated by reasonable distances from the major capitals. Two regional cities near to Melbourne that I am aware of have become the nexus for individuals that are part of this community care attitude. Like attracts like in this instance, and a natural clustering has occurred so that the proportion of the population with mental health issues is greater than the average. To get an inkling of the degree of organisation involved as a result of these policies, just google 'bendigo mental health'.

mailshanx 14y ago

Thats intriguing. It seems like he has somewhat adjusted over time. Did you witness a general improvement in his personality as he grew up? Did things especially improve in his late teens perhaps?

GuiA 14y ago
I definitely think things have improved (although they can always go south at a moment's notice- for example last year, he dropped and broke his phone, which triggered an "episode" that lasted pretty much the whole day.) There are likely multiple factors at play- it's quite conceivable that puberty hormones make the matters worse, and that he's slowly exiting this phase, it's something less in the way. But I also think that as he grows up, there are less "triggers" for his episodes. Episodes are almost always triggered when something or someone contradicts him (for example in the original linked article, when the mom tells the kid he can't wear the pants he wants to wear). Now that he lives by himself in a small village with no parents, no teachers, etc., (when you think about it, schools are terribly oppressive environments) the triggers are much less numerous.
- Natsu 14y ago
  From your perspective, when & how did it start? Was he always like that, or is there a specific event you remember as the start of this?
  - GuiA 14y ago
    I've always remembered him being like that, and my parents corroborate this. Apparently when he was a newborn/toddler, he would throw huge tantrums, was very hot-tempered, impossible to manage when he was sick, etc. This leads me to further believe that his case his mostly genetic/physiological in nature.

dbyrd 14y ago

Glad to hear your brother could end up somewhere happy. My younger brother fits the same archetype but is only 17.

antman 14y ago

He is in the mountains chopping wood with his girlfrend? The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Humans vs Dolphins “For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.” ― Douglas Adams