3 ms·
It sounds like it was good for you, but I would add a word of caution about 'one of the most surprising discoveries was just how much speaking is unnecessary' p
by watwut 3mo ago
It sounds like it was good for you, but I would add a word of caution about 'one of the most surprising discoveries was just how much speaking is unnecessary' part.
It is easy to overdo it and torpedo relationships. Relationships are build from small interactions and when you refuse to do communication that is not strictly necessary, they just wont build. A lot of that "useless" communication has social purpose - it allows people to learn in initiate connections without putting large stakes on it. When you stop engaging, they will stop engaging and it all, well, stops.
- jordwest 3mo agoIt’s a good word of caution and to be clear I’m not suggesting intentionally going mute. The paradox I mentioned is that not rushing to fill the silence actually allows conversation to flow more naturally. It allows time and space for something more honest to arise in the mind to say. There are also so many other means of communication that we humans naturally have - eye contact, facial expressions, body language - that communicate far more than words can and paying attention to these can lead to very connected conversation. I think we overemphasise words. For example, you don’t need to small talk with your dog to have a deeply meaningful connection. The reason I jumped to fill silence before was to avoid a kind of vulnerability, to appear competent and hide my anxiety. Little did I know that that was actually preventing deeper connection. Noawaday I end up having far more involved conversations, it’s just that the conversation no longer starts from a point of trying to fill the silence.