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I live in Estonia for a very long time now, over a decade. I love the kodukohvikud (Home Cafes) but the framing of "inviting strangers" is a little odd. It's n

I live in Estonia for a very long time now, over a decade. I love the kodukohvikud (Home Cafes) but the framing of "inviting strangers" is a little odd. It's not free. While there is a lot of theoretical opportunity for bonding, it's still just a temporary commercial enterprise. For anyone who has lived here, it's a known fact that Estonians won't exactly engage with strangers in a warm way, if at all. Smiling at strangers is considered poor social form here and it doesn't matter if you're a foreigner or native. It does increase social cohesion amongst neighbors at least for a week or two. Kodukohvikud are a unique experience but it's not really "inviting strangers in my backyard" in the way a free community oriented and socially engaging event would be. Naturally, the article will only show the very few who have a story to tell while ignoring the fact that 90% of them don't have one to tell. You get your keefir, you get your viineripirukas, pay for it, eat isolated with your family on a table and that's all most of the time. It's akin to someone who makes pizzas to sell in the terrace to passersby. Really cool, quite nice but again, weird framing because you wouldn't say that about "Jean Paul who sells pizza from his balcony", so to speak. I still love it, though!

scorepeon 2mo ago
American living in Tartu here. You're not wrong. There has even been a trend of having professional catering which is disappointing. That being said I'm super excited for this weekend's event in Tammelinn[0]. I'm on a mission to find who has the best rabarberikook. 0. https://tammelinnaselts.ee/kodukohvikutepaevadest https://tammelinnaselts.ee/kodukohvikutepaevadest
- someoneeestis 2mo ago
  I lived in Tartu for four years and hold great memories from our city of good thoughts. Enjoy the Tammelinn event and bless the city for me!
- tauntz 2mo ago
  Heh, there's also https://www-kambja-info.translate.goog/syndmus/avatud-aiad-2026-igal-aial-oma-lugu/?_x_tr_sl=et&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=wapp https://www-kambja-info.translate.goog/syndmus/avatud-aiad-2... right next to Tartu. This Saturday. If you have a car, come by ("Puzzle Café") and say hi - I'm making pulled pork burgers and.. other stuff that I still need to figure out (24h to go!) :)
  - someoneeestis 2mo ago
    I love that for you! I hope you have an amazingly successful Saturday!
rauno56 2mo ago
It's a pity, but one should probably expect some commercialization after almost 20 years of these kinds of events being held all over Estonia. The experience varies a lot from place to place, though, and many smaller places still have that homespun feel.
- someoneeestis 2mo ago
  I personally don't mind the commercialization of it. Like you said, it is only to be expected, especially in hard times like now (though I'd argue that just increase prices for everyone). I was not making a point against it as they have to (and should) charge a price. As far as I understand, they always did and I'm really glad to give my money to a neighbor instead of a corporation like Bolt. But what I would personally like on the other hand is that the smiles and the welcoming attitude would not happen only within the kodukohvikud and in peak summer sun but all year round. A big dose of empathy would make life easier for all of us. And I speak Estonian. I can't even begin to imagine how cold it is for those who don't. I'm also Brazilian, so my genuineness and expectation of welcoming conversations surely set a high bar.
jaen 2mo ago
> Smiling at strangers is considered poor social form here and it doesn't matter if you're a foreigner or native. It's not. Insincerity and mindless, automatic smiles might be a little bit frowned upon. Genuine, but subtle smiles (as appropriate for strangers) are appreciated, at least for the younger generation. The older generation might still be somewhat "traumatized" by the Soviet occupation and its cultural effects.
- someoneeestis 2mo ago
  Well, you can tell that to all the Nõmme, Tondi, Pirita, Kesklinn, Tartu, Viljandi, Karksi-Nuia amongst other places I've lived where I've smiled and said "Tere hommikust!" to as they turned their face away and pretended I didn't exist. I've also lived in Amsterdam and even people on the street who were not my neighbors smiled and said good morning and often that triggered a little conversation and laughters. Like I said, I'm Brazilian and I've also lived in Ireland where people are super warm. There is no "insincerity" and "mindless" assumed, only the desire to make our days a little more bearable, warm and welcoming. The younger generation is better indeed but they also come with a new set of anti-social behavior. Just like every generation, really. Not blaming either one in here. The attitude always shifts a little when I speak Estonian, though and for that I'm happy enough. I have adapted but will never stop smiling at the shops or at the people who live nearby. I don't expect them to be like me but I also won't erase myself as if I'm being insincere because I'm simply not. I rather be a positive force for change. To each their own, I reckon. I guess a good neighbor it's the one you don't talk to.
  - jaen 2mo ago
    I didn't imply that you were being insincere... re: the greeting, I think introverts around the world do not necessarily appreciate being randomly greeted by strangers, they just get used to it if the culture is like that. From that perspective, I don't think just a random greeting from a stranger always makes people feel more warm and the days more bearable either. It's more of a correlation rather than causation. People have different personalities and different associations.

scorepeon 2mo ago

American living in Tartu here. You're not wrong. There has even been a trend of having professional catering which is disappointing. That being said I'm super excited for this weekend's event in Tammelinn[0]. I'm on a mission to find who has the best rabarberikook. 0. https://tammelinnaselts.ee/kodukohvikutepaevadest https://tammelinnaselts.ee/kodukohvikutepaevadest

someoneeestis 2mo ago
I lived in Tartu for four years and hold great memories from our city of good thoughts. Enjoy the Tammelinn event and bless the city for me!
tauntz 2mo ago
Heh, there's also https://www-kambja-info.translate.goog/syndmus/avatud-aiad-2026-igal-aial-oma-lugu/?_x_tr_sl=et&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=wapp https://www-kambja-info.translate.goog/syndmus/avatud-aiad-2... right next to Tartu. This Saturday. If you have a car, come by ("Puzzle Café") and say hi - I'm making pulled pork burgers and.. other stuff that I still need to figure out (24h to go!) :)
- someoneeestis 2mo ago
  I love that for you! I hope you have an amazingly successful Saturday!

rauno56 2mo ago

It's a pity, but one should probably expect some commercialization after almost 20 years of these kinds of events being held all over Estonia. The experience varies a lot from place to place, though, and many smaller places still have that homespun feel.

someoneeestis 2mo ago
I personally don't mind the commercialization of it. Like you said, it is only to be expected, especially in hard times like now (though I'd argue that just increase prices for everyone). I was not making a point against it as they have to (and should) charge a price. As far as I understand, they always did and I'm really glad to give my money to a neighbor instead of a corporation like Bolt. But what I would personally like on the other hand is that the smiles and the welcoming attitude would not happen only within the kodukohvikud and in peak summer sun but all year round. A big dose of empathy would make life easier for all of us. And I speak Estonian. I can't even begin to imagine how cold it is for those who don't. I'm also Brazilian, so my genuineness and expectation of welcoming conversations surely set a high bar.

jaen 2mo ago

> Smiling at strangers is considered poor social form here and it doesn't matter if you're a foreigner or native. It's not. Insincerity and mindless, automatic smiles might be a little bit frowned upon. Genuine, but subtle smiles (as appropriate for strangers) are appreciated, at least for the younger generation. The older generation might still be somewhat "traumatized" by the Soviet occupation and its cultural effects.

someoneeestis 2mo ago
Well, you can tell that to all the Nõmme, Tondi, Pirita, Kesklinn, Tartu, Viljandi, Karksi-Nuia amongst other places I've lived where I've smiled and said "Tere hommikust!" to as they turned their face away and pretended I didn't exist. I've also lived in Amsterdam and even people on the street who were not my neighbors smiled and said good morning and often that triggered a little conversation and laughters. Like I said, I'm Brazilian and I've also lived in Ireland where people are super warm. There is no "insincerity" and "mindless" assumed, only the desire to make our days a little more bearable, warm and welcoming. The younger generation is better indeed but they also come with a new set of anti-social behavior. Just like every generation, really. Not blaming either one in here. The attitude always shifts a little when I speak Estonian, though and for that I'm happy enough. I have adapted but will never stop smiling at the shops or at the people who live nearby. I don't expect them to be like me but I also won't erase myself as if I'm being insincere because I'm simply not. I rather be a positive force for change. To each their own, I reckon. I guess a good neighbor it's the one you don't talk to.
- jaen 2mo ago
  I didn't imply that you were being insincere... re: the greeting, I think introverts around the world do not necessarily appreciate being randomly greeted by strangers, they just get used to it if the culture is like that. From that perspective, I don't think just a random greeting from a stranger always makes people feel more warm and the days more bearable either. It's more of a correlation rather than causation. People have different personalities and different associations.