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Is this really a bad thing? Is it better that people stay in marriages they do not want to be a part of rather than be free to separate? Staying in a failed mar

Is this really a bad thing? Is it better that people stay in marriages they do not want to be a part of rather than be free to separate? Staying in a failed marriage is not necessarily better for kids and may in fact be worse than getting a divorce. Marriage rates are falling in some countries and places, but that really depends more on the specifics of where you are. In the US, there are a variety of reasons why people are getting married at slower rates these days, but it doesn't really matter how often people get married anyway. > Also the marriage rates are plummeting too (and although the co-habitation rates are rising, it is not rising fast enough to compensate). Compensate for what exactly?

SoftwareMaven 14y ago
If you have kids, the commitments you've made are not just to your spouse/SO/whatever, but also to your kids. Those commitments are long-term and failing to keep those commitments is very damaging to kids. I think if more people took those commitments seriously, they would find ways to solve problems. As it is, why bother trying when it's easier to just say "screw it" and separate. There are some marriages that should end. There are men and women both who have no business being attached to another human being. But I think more marriages end than need to, and it's a net-negative to everybody involved (which means all of society). Learning how to live happily with another person (and it is difficult, no questions; I'm going on 20 years and it stays just as hard every year) is one of the most satisfying things you can do and teaches you many important lessons that positively impact one's life in areas outside of the home.
- nske 14y ago
  Yes, often people are too quick to give up on their marriage if there are not legal complications on the way but, when that happens, it is more of a social or should I say cultural problem. IMO it's always wrong to apply pressure through law for those sort of problems. Even if by using increased legal restrictions there appeared to be a net-positive in that specific context, I feel that there would be a net-negative in a larger scale, as it would violate individual freedom. Of course, law should provide for things like both parents having to contribute to kids expenses, or both parents being able to spend some time with their kids, but not go beyond that and try to make it hard for them go separate ways when they want to -that's overstepping. Besides that, I would much rather grow up in a family in which my parents decided to go different ways rather than in a family where my parents would be together but not seem happy with each other.
chris_wot 14y ago
When you make a commitment to another person, you may get rough patches but eventually if you work through them then your relationship will mostly only get stronger. Of course, this doesn't count when it comes to abusive relationships. Compensate for what exactly? Looking after children, presumably.

SoftwareMaven 14y ago

If you have kids, the commitments you've made are not just to your spouse/SO/whatever, but also to your kids. Those commitments are long-term and failing to keep those commitments is very damaging to kids. I think if more people took those commitments seriously, they would find ways to solve problems. As it is, why bother trying when it's easier to just say "screw it" and separate. There are some marriages that should end. There are men and women both who have no business being attached to another human being. But I think more marriages end than need to, and it's a net-negative to everybody involved (which means all of society). Learning how to live happily with another person (and it is difficult, no questions; I'm going on 20 years and it stays just as hard every year) is one of the most satisfying things you can do and teaches you many important lessons that positively impact one's life in areas outside of the home.

nske 14y ago
Yes, often people are too quick to give up on their marriage if there are not legal complications on the way but, when that happens, it is more of a social or should I say cultural problem. IMO it's always wrong to apply pressure through law for those sort of problems. Even if by using increased legal restrictions there appeared to be a net-positive in that specific context, I feel that there would be a net-negative in a larger scale, as it would violate individual freedom. Of course, law should provide for things like both parents having to contribute to kids expenses, or both parents being able to spend some time with their kids, but not go beyond that and try to make it hard for them go separate ways when they want to -that's overstepping. Besides that, I would much rather grow up in a family in which my parents decided to go different ways rather than in a family where my parents would be together but not seem happy with each other.

chris_wot 14y ago

When you make a commitment to another person, you may get rough patches but eventually if you work through them then your relationship will mostly only get stronger. Of course, this doesn't count when it comes to abusive relationships. Compensate for what exactly? Looking after children, presumably.