3 ms·

Wyh can't it be something like I don't want you to end up like me? I don't think it's hypocritical Changing habits is hard enough on it's own.parenthood and mo

by tayo42 3mo ago

Wyh can't it be something like I don't want you to end up like me? I don't think it's hypocritical Changing habits is hard enough on it's own.parenthood and modern life makes that even more difficult

r_lee 3mo ago
this is what naive adults think, don't you remember how it was when you were a kid? I seriously, I feel like so many people just somehow magically forget their entire childhoods, maybe selectively? I lack the ability to lie to myself like that unfortunately
- fouc 3mo ago
  it's like a variation of the principle of "It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it" a solipsistic viewpoint I suppose.
- tayo42 3mo ago
  I have no idea what your trying to say or what point you're trying to make.
  - r_lee 3mo ago
    ask an LLM or something, they seem to get the point just fine
- StefanBatory 3mo ago
  I have ADHD; I genuinely don't remember my childhood. If you told me my life started in secondary or high school, I would have believed you.
  - mc3301 3mo ago
    I dunno if that is connected to ADHD, and I dunno if I have ADHD (though by reading the textbook* on it, it kinda seems I do)... but I genuinely don't remember my childhood either. *Taking Charge of Adult ADHD
    - rmunn 3mo ago
      > ... by reading the textbook* on it [ADHD], it kinda seems I do ... There's a reason why most of the books I've read on ADHD have mentioned "Don't self-diagnose; get an expert to diagnose you." Short version: many of the symptoms of ADHD such as distractability happen to everyone, or nearly everyone, to some extent. Everyone can be distracted by a random thought; most people shake it off and get their train of thought back on track. Some people are more distractable than others, but it's perfectly normal to be distracted now and then. Which is why most people reading an ADHD book will recognize some of their behaviors in that book. My opinion? (And note that I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone, so this is strictly an opinion). If you read the ADHD book and go "Hmm, maybe that describes me, I'm not sure"... then chances are that you do not have ADHD. Because my own experience was reading an ADHD book and going, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. I know for a fact this author never interviewed me. So how come he's describing me perfectly?" Not in every single chapter — I don't have emotional-regulation problems to nearly the level that he described in some of the case studies, for example. But when I got to the bits about starting projects and not finishing them, or the parts about getting (seemingly-paradoxically) hyperfocused on some task and not noticing when other people are talking to you, I just shook my head and laughed, because he was describing me to a T. Now, even if you don't have ADHD, that doesn't mean some of the organizational techniques mentioned there won't be helpful to you. Go ahead and apply them: many of them do help even the people who fit more into the "normal" part of the distractability spectrum. But certainly do NOT try any medication without having gotten a diagnosis first. Some ADHD medications can have side effects that should be watched for, and most of them are controlled substances in most countries I'm aware of (due to the possibility of addiction if you take way more than the amount normally prescribed, for example), meaning that in most countries, it's illegal to take them without a prescription. But go ahead and apply some of the suggestions about ways to organize your life: they can be helpful even if you only have a normal level of distractability.
      - mc3301 3mo ago
        Thanks for the wonderfully thought-out response. I definitely agree on the not-self-diagnose-yourself front. I'm somewhere in between your two possible reactions to such books, leaning closer to the "Whoa, whoa, whoa" one. However, I live in Japan, where simply finding a doctor qualified and willing to diagnose someone over 20 years old is super rare. Short of expensive monthly trips to Tokyo or something just to be diagnosed, and then having a prescription that has to be received in person monthly. And the medication is highly controlled. So I have just kinda accepted to keep applying these techniques (as well as being aware of my own created mechanisms), keep trying my best, and just live a happy life. It's been working so far!
microtonal 3mo ago
Changing habits is hard enough on it's own. parenthood and modern life makes that even more difficult It is possible to make changes, I would say this is one of the easier bad habits to beat. The best is to start with fixed moments where you as a family decide phones are forbidden. For example, shortly after our daughter was born, we decided "no phones during eating (breakfast/lunch/dinner)". When both parents are in, it is easy to mutually enforce. For over a decade, we have never used a phone during dinner and it's one of those moments of family time. Now we are always surprised when we have dinner together at a restaurant that some people are on their phones half the time (sometimes doing useless stuff like checking Facebook/insta), rather than enjoying each other and dinner. It's so weird. Another good method is to remove addictive social media from your phone. Primarily games and apps with algorithmic timelines like Facebook, Instagram, X, Reddit, etc. I removed all those from my phone. I noticed with apps that do not have an algorithmic timeline, like Mastodon, you catch up once and after that it's not interesting anymore.
- tayo42 3mo ago
  It's not impossible,but on top of all the other stresses in life you need to sit down and figure out this new problem too? You have got to at least sympathize with the situation. I know I've regressed on phone use since my child was born.
  - noosphr 3mo ago
    Children follow by example. If you're an addict your kids will be too.
    - acessoproibido 3mo ago
      Untrue and toxic statement
  - microtonal 3mo ago
    All I can say is, time really flies by (before you know it they are teenagers). You only get one shot at enjoying their early years and they only get one youth. Make the best of it, cutting down smartphone use (for parent and child) is part of it. If you are really addicted, seek help (we have to accept that it can be a real addiction). If not, set strict boundaries and remove addictive apps.

by tayo42 3mo ago

Wyh can't it be something like I don't want you to end up like me? I don't think it's hypocritical Changing habits is hard enough on it's own.parenthood and modern life makes that even more difficult

r_lee 3mo ago

this is what naive adults think, don't you remember how it was when you were a kid? I seriously, I feel like so many people just somehow magically forget their entire childhoods, maybe selectively? I lack the ability to lie to myself like that unfortunately

fouc 3mo ago
it's like a variation of the principle of "It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it" a solipsistic viewpoint I suppose.
tayo42 3mo ago
I have no idea what your trying to say or what point you're trying to make.
- r_lee 3mo ago
  ask an LLM or something, they seem to get the point just fine
StefanBatory 3mo ago
I have ADHD; I genuinely don't remember my childhood. If you told me my life started in secondary or high school, I would have believed you.
- mc3301 3mo ago
  I dunno if that is connected to ADHD, and I dunno if I have ADHD (though by reading the textbook* on it, it kinda seems I do)... but I genuinely don't remember my childhood either. *Taking Charge of Adult ADHD
  - rmunn 3mo ago
    > ... by reading the textbook* on it [ADHD], it kinda seems I do ... There's a reason why most of the books I've read on ADHD have mentioned "Don't self-diagnose; get an expert to diagnose you." Short version: many of the symptoms of ADHD such as distractability happen to everyone, or nearly everyone, to some extent. Everyone can be distracted by a random thought; most people shake it off and get their train of thought back on track. Some people are more distractable than others, but it's perfectly normal to be distracted now and then. Which is why most people reading an ADHD book will recognize some of their behaviors in that book. My opinion? (And note that I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone, so this is strictly an opinion). If you read the ADHD book and go "Hmm, maybe that describes me, I'm not sure"... then chances are that you do not have ADHD. Because my own experience was reading an ADHD book and going, "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. I know for a fact this author never interviewed me. So how come he's describing me perfectly?" Not in every single chapter — I don't have emotional-regulation problems to nearly the level that he described in some of the case studies, for example. But when I got to the bits about starting projects and not finishing them, or the parts about getting (seemingly-paradoxically) hyperfocused on some task and not noticing when other people are talking to you, I just shook my head and laughed, because he was describing me to a T. Now, even if you don't have ADHD, that doesn't mean some of the organizational techniques mentioned there won't be helpful to you. Go ahead and apply them: many of them do help even the people who fit more into the "normal" part of the distractability spectrum. But certainly do NOT try any medication without having gotten a diagnosis first. Some ADHD medications can have side effects that should be watched for, and most of them are controlled substances in most countries I'm aware of (due to the possibility of addiction if you take way more than the amount normally prescribed, for example), meaning that in most countries, it's illegal to take them without a prescription. But go ahead and apply some of the suggestions about ways to organize your life: they can be helpful even if you only have a normal level of distractability.
    - mc3301 3mo ago
      Thanks for the wonderfully thought-out response. I definitely agree on the not-self-diagnose-yourself front. I'm somewhere in between your two possible reactions to such books, leaning closer to the "Whoa, whoa, whoa" one. However, I live in Japan, where simply finding a doctor qualified and willing to diagnose someone over 20 years old is super rare. Short of expensive monthly trips to Tokyo or something just to be diagnosed, and then having a prescription that has to be received in person monthly. And the medication is highly controlled. So I have just kinda accepted to keep applying these techniques (as well as being aware of my own created mechanisms), keep trying my best, and just live a happy life. It's been working so far!

microtonal 3mo ago

Changing habits is hard enough on it's own. parenthood and modern life makes that even more difficult It is possible to make changes, I would say this is one of the easier bad habits to beat. The best is to start with fixed moments where you as a family decide phones are forbidden. For example, shortly after our daughter was born, we decided "no phones during eating (breakfast/lunch/dinner)". When both parents are in, it is easy to mutually enforce. For over a decade, we have never used a phone during dinner and it's one of those moments of family time. Now we are always surprised when we have dinner together at a restaurant that some people are on their phones half the time (sometimes doing useless stuff like checking Facebook/insta), rather than enjoying each other and dinner. It's so weird. Another good method is to remove addictive social media from your phone. Primarily games and apps with algorithmic timelines like Facebook, Instagram, X, Reddit, etc. I removed all those from my phone. I noticed with apps that do not have an algorithmic timeline, like Mastodon, you catch up once and after that it's not interesting anymore.

tayo42 3mo ago
It's not impossible,but on top of all the other stresses in life you need to sit down and figure out this new problem too? You have got to at least sympathize with the situation. I know I've regressed on phone use since my child was born.
- noosphr 3mo ago
  Children follow by example. If you're an addict your kids will be too.
  - acessoproibido 3mo ago
    Untrue and toxic statement
- microtonal 3mo ago
  All I can say is, time really flies by (before you know it they are teenagers). You only get one shot at enjoying their early years and they only get one youth. Make the best of it, cutting down smartphone use (for parent and child) is part of it. If you are really addicted, seek help (we have to accept that it can be a real addiction). If not, set strict boundaries and remove addictive apps.