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You have a social circle where founding a startup and eventually making millions is a regular occurrence? Outside of the bay area? Can I be your friend? Why no

You have a social circle where founding a startup and eventually making millions is a regular occurrence? Outside of the bay area? Can I be your friend? Why not skimp and save for a few years worth of survival and take a shot at one of these companies so that you have the financial cushion to give the college try and move on if you have to? Edit: Guys, calm down. I was teasing him for casually claiming that he was surrounded by inspired millionaires but had to wear the hair-shirt. I understand the lifestyle tradeoffs different people have to make and I don't begrudge people for prioritizing family. I don't have one, but I imagine that if I did, I'd go the safe/secure route too. I'm sorry I made you feel like your life choices were questioned by a stranger on the internet.

btilly 14y ago
I am replying out of order for reasons that should become obvious. Why not skimp and save for a few years worth of survival and take a shot at one of these companies so that you have the financial cushion to give the college try and move on if you have to? I tell you what. Why don't you get married. Pay for your wife's medical school. Have 2 kids. Discover what full-time high-quality child care costs. Have your wife get injured and have to leave residency. Have her get better, only to get in a bad car accident. Have her recover from that, only to go into another very intensive residency (no money, tons of time). After a few years of being a primary breadwinner and effectively a single parent under very stressful circumstances, I'll get someone to make a comment like this to you in a public forum, just so you can understand what it feels like. Does that answer your question? People have lives. They are not always as simple as they look like they should be on paper. If someone indicates that their life has had complications, the polite thing to do is to take what they chose to share at face value and move on. There is often more to the story than you really want to know. You have a social circle where founding a startup and eventually making millions is a regular occurrence? Outside of the bay area? Can I be your friend? Obviously you don't believe me. Yes, my social circle does include the founders of companies like ZipRecruiter and Campus Explorer. Those were founded in Santa Monica, which is indeed outside of the Bay area. And no, you can't be my friend. I don't like people who are acting like assholes to me.
- tptacek 14y ago
  I thought his question was annoying too, but I don't think he's being an asshole; he's just being a nerd. We're all nerds sometimes.
  - btilly 14y ago
    Maybe in an hour I'll calm down and agree with you. But right now I really wish he had the honesty to have simply called me a liar rather than trying to paper that over with sarcasm. And there is simply no way that his "advice" could not have been something that I didn't know. According to his bio he's 24. There is a lot he doesn't know. Hopefully he will be a little more careful in the future about stepping into emotional minefields like this.
    - mst 14y ago
      You're assuming sarcasm rather than a "whoa, seriously?" response, which given your social circle is I think fairly unusual isn't accusing you of lying so much as asking if he read it correctly. And he didn't -advise- you, he asked why you -didn't- do that. Of course, assuming bad faith and then using his age as an argument as to why your knee jerk reaction was ok apparently is also an option - but not up to your usual standard. I think perhaps the 'emotional minefield' part is crucial here, and next time you should step away for that hour before replying at all.
      - btilly 14y ago
        You're assuming sarcasm rather than a "whoa, seriously?" response, which given your social circle is I think fairly unusual isn't accusing you of lying so much as asking if he read it correctly. I certainly did that. Of course, assuming bad faith and then using his age as an argument as to why your knee jerk reaction was ok apparently is also an option - but not up to your usual standard. I think perhaps the 'emotional minefield' part is crucial here, and next time you should step away for that hour before replying at all. In this case stepping away for an hour would not have helped. Because with a strong emotional frame in my head, I had no path from there to seeing any other reaction. It was going to take someone else, in this case you, to show me another possible way to frame it. I'll need to take time to digest that fact before I try to figure out how to avoid responding that way in the future. Thank you for your helpful response. I'm sorry that I had the reaction that I did. These things happen with humans. Some days more easily than others. Some humans more easily than others. PS: Ironically, knowing a few successful startup founders is one of the most normal things about my social circle.

btilly 14y ago

I am replying out of order for reasons that should become obvious. Why not skimp and save for a few years worth of survival and take a shot at one of these companies so that you have the financial cushion to give the college try and move on if you have to? I tell you what. Why don't you get married. Pay for your wife's medical school. Have 2 kids. Discover what full-time high-quality child care costs. Have your wife get injured and have to leave residency. Have her get better, only to get in a bad car accident. Have her recover from that, only to go into another very intensive residency (no money, tons of time). After a few years of being a primary breadwinner and effectively a single parent under very stressful circumstances, I'll get someone to make a comment like this to you in a public forum, just so you can understand what it feels like. Does that answer your question? People have lives. They are not always as simple as they look like they should be on paper. If someone indicates that their life has had complications, the polite thing to do is to take what they chose to share at face value and move on. There is often more to the story than you really want to know. You have a social circle where founding a startup and eventually making millions is a regular occurrence? Outside of the bay area? Can I be your friend? Obviously you don't believe me. Yes, my social circle does include the founders of companies like ZipRecruiter and Campus Explorer. Those were founded in Santa Monica, which is indeed outside of the Bay area. And no, you can't be my friend. I don't like people who are acting like assholes to me.

tptacek 14y ago
I thought his question was annoying too, but I don't think he's being an asshole; he's just being a nerd. We're all nerds sometimes.
- btilly 14y ago
  Maybe in an hour I'll calm down and agree with you. But right now I really wish he had the honesty to have simply called me a liar rather than trying to paper that over with sarcasm. And there is simply no way that his "advice" could not have been something that I didn't know. According to his bio he's 24. There is a lot he doesn't know. Hopefully he will be a little more careful in the future about stepping into emotional minefields like this.
  - mst 14y ago
    You're assuming sarcasm rather than a "whoa, seriously?" response, which given your social circle is I think fairly unusual isn't accusing you of lying so much as asking if he read it correctly. And he didn't -advise- you, he asked why you -didn't- do that. Of course, assuming bad faith and then using his age as an argument as to why your knee jerk reaction was ok apparently is also an option - but not up to your usual standard. I think perhaps the 'emotional minefield' part is crucial here, and next time you should step away for that hour before replying at all.
    - btilly 14y ago
      You're assuming sarcasm rather than a "whoa, seriously?" response, which given your social circle is I think fairly unusual isn't accusing you of lying so much as asking if he read it correctly. I certainly did that. Of course, assuming bad faith and then using his age as an argument as to why your knee jerk reaction was ok apparently is also an option - but not up to your usual standard. I think perhaps the 'emotional minefield' part is crucial here, and next time you should step away for that hour before replying at all. In this case stepping away for an hour would not have helped. Because with a strong emotional frame in my head, I had no path from there to seeing any other reaction. It was going to take someone else, in this case you, to show me another possible way to frame it. I'll need to take time to digest that fact before I try to figure out how to avoid responding that way in the future. Thank you for your helpful response. I'm sorry that I had the reaction that I did. These things happen with humans. Some days more easily than others. Some humans more easily than others. PS: Ironically, knowing a few successful startup founders is one of the most normal things about my social circle.