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Absolutely forgiven her. It's something we talk about. We help other couples dealing with the same type of hardship. Keeping it to ourselves doesn't prove forgi

Absolutely forgiven her. It's something we talk about. We help other couples dealing with the same type of hardship. Keeping it to ourselves doesn't prove forgiveness and it keeps us from helping others.

moutard 14y ago
Humans are capable of incredible self-deception a la Robert Trivers: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/25/books/review/the-folly-of-fools-by-robert-trivers-book-review.html?pagewanted=all http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/25/books/review/the-folly-of-... You're most likely fighting your genes (or perhaps you're a mutant): maybe you'll win and maybe you won't. Here the _you_ I refer to here is that part which believes it has free will and can override the other (genetic) part.
- scottmagdalein 14y ago
  I don't understand what you're saying.
  - moutard 14y ago
    You could always look up Trivers' work. Apparently some other people think that they do understand what I'm saying but they don't like it and have consequently downgraded my post! It's the old "nature vs nurture" thing: those who don't like my posting are "nurturists" and believe that we're born as tabulae rasae, empty slates that learn all behavior; I'm seen as the "naturist" who believes that we're totally gene-controlled.
    - scottmagdalein 14y ago
      I mean, what am I overriding in my nature? Maybe you mean forgiveness is overriding my nature to seek revenge or hold a grudge for some wrong doing. If that's the case, then yes I'm going against my nature. But nature is terrible at defining and shaping human relationships. We confuse "love" with affinity. "Love" is more like a verb that entails sacrifice, acceptance, and patience...along with affinity in a marital relationship, of course.
- Natmas 14y ago
  Fighting the genes is in our genes and this is simply our ability to adapt, which is generally a good thing - though it is too often manifesting as counter-productively. So "fighting the genes" is sometimes not bad at all but I agree that most of the time it may be.

moutard 14y ago

Humans are capable of incredible self-deception a la Robert Trivers: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/25/books/review/the-folly-of-fools-by-robert-trivers-book-review.html?pagewanted=all http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/25/books/review/the-folly-of-... You're most likely fighting your genes (or perhaps you're a mutant): maybe you'll win and maybe you won't. Here the _you_ I refer to here is that part which believes it has free will and can override the other (genetic) part.

scottmagdalein 14y ago
I don't understand what you're saying.
- moutard 14y ago
  You could always look up Trivers' work. Apparently some other people think that they do understand what I'm saying but they don't like it and have consequently downgraded my post! It's the old "nature vs nurture" thing: those who don't like my posting are "nurturists" and believe that we're born as tabulae rasae, empty slates that learn all behavior; I'm seen as the "naturist" who believes that we're totally gene-controlled.
  - scottmagdalein 14y ago
    I mean, what am I overriding in my nature? Maybe you mean forgiveness is overriding my nature to seek revenge or hold a grudge for some wrong doing. If that's the case, then yes I'm going against my nature. But nature is terrible at defining and shaping human relationships. We confuse "love" with affinity. "Love" is more like a verb that entails sacrifice, acceptance, and patience...along with affinity in a marital relationship, of course.
Natmas 14y ago
Fighting the genes is in our genes and this is simply our ability to adapt, which is generally a good thing - though it is too often manifesting as counter-productively. So "fighting the genes" is sometimes not bad at all but I agree that most of the time it may be.