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"If someone is a drag on me, I cut them out. If someone lifts me up, I bring them closer. " That is incredibly selfish. Sometimes the person doing the lifting

"If someone is a drag on me, I cut them out. If someone lifts me up, I bring them closer. " That is incredibly selfish. Sometimes the person doing the lifting is the one being "brought down", so you're essentially depending on the fact that people are less selfish than you for this to work. Like anything taken to the extreme, this extreme individualism can only be harmful.

bcoates 14y ago
It doesn't depend on altruism, if everyone does it it just results in assortative mixing and you wind up hanging out with people who can stand you, if any. It also avoids the common human-behavior anti-pattern where two people remain in a mutually self destructive relationship because each is under the delusion that the other can't live without them.
ams6110 14y ago
No, you are simply associating with people who compliment your own interests (and presumably vice-versa). Not everyone can be friends with everyone. Trying to make relationship "work" when the individuals are fundamentally incompatible is the source of much unhappiness.
- pilgrim689 14y ago
  I think the problem is that we're all interpreting this differently... I'm not saying you should force relationships at all. I'm saying cutting someone off just because they're going through a rough patch is no way to treat a human. You can afford to slow down your life a bit to help out a loved one.
  - c0riander 14y ago
    I don't think the quote is advocating cutting out people who are going through a negative time, just those who are negative to YOU. There's a difference between supporting someone through their difficulty and someone who is not supporting you, whether that means (consciously or unconsciously) belittling, undermining, or dismissing you or your ideas, or just not meshing well or productively with you.
noonespecial 14y ago
This assumes a zero sum "lifting up" equation. People can lift each other up and be mutually beneficial. This isn't exactly a new idea. http://bible.cc/proverbs/27-17.htm http://bible.cc/proverbs/27-17.htm

bcoates 14y ago

It doesn't depend on altruism, if everyone does it it just results in assortative mixing and you wind up hanging out with people who can stand you, if any. It also avoids the common human-behavior anti-pattern where two people remain in a mutually self destructive relationship because each is under the delusion that the other can't live without them.

ams6110 14y ago

No, you are simply associating with people who compliment your own interests (and presumably vice-versa). Not everyone can be friends with everyone. Trying to make relationship "work" when the individuals are fundamentally incompatible is the source of much unhappiness.

pilgrim689 14y ago
I think the problem is that we're all interpreting this differently... I'm not saying you should force relationships at all. I'm saying cutting someone off just because they're going through a rough patch is no way to treat a human. You can afford to slow down your life a bit to help out a loved one.
- c0riander 14y ago
  I don't think the quote is advocating cutting out people who are going through a negative time, just those who are negative to YOU. There's a difference between supporting someone through their difficulty and someone who is not supporting you, whether that means (consciously or unconsciously) belittling, undermining, or dismissing you or your ideas, or just not meshing well or productively with you.

noonespecial 14y ago

This assumes a zero sum "lifting up" equation. People can lift each other up and be mutually beneficial. This isn't exactly a new idea. http://bible.cc/proverbs/27-17.htm http://bible.cc/proverbs/27-17.htm