4 ms·
> I like it when other people try to talk to me. Probably an unpopular point on HN, but this is very gendered. There's a lot of women who don't want to be chat
by pjc50 4mo ago
> I like it when other people try to talk to me.
Probably an unpopular point on HN, but this is very gendered. There's a lot of women who don't want to be chatted up who wear headphones, and therefore a lot of men who are annoyed at this visible signal that the woman doesn't want to listen to them.
We can leave room for "not wearing headphones is a signal that you're open to talk" without having to pressure people who aren't.
- petesergeant 4mo ago> therefore a lot of men who are annoyed at this visible signal that the woman doesn't want to listen to them I mean I'm sure there's a guy somewhere who's annoyed by this, but "a lot of men who are annoyed" feels like making up a group of people to be angry at.
- ben_w 4mo agoGiven how the media amplify things, it could perhaps be literally just one guy, but FWIW I too have heard of the phenomenon pjc50 described.
- mr_toad 4mo ago> Given how the media amplify things, it could perhaps be literally just one guy If you go to popular tourist spots in Europe there’s usually that one guy who’s trying to scam everyone who passes by. It only takes one to be a huge nuisance.
- someguydave 4mo agoyep. Just like it only takes a few prolific spammers to ruin email, it only takes a few antisocial con men to make "talking to strangers" seem like an imposition.
- petesergeant 4mo agoSure, there are plenty of guys who are nuisances in all sorts of situations, but are there lots of guys who are angry that women use headphones?
- poncho_romero 4mo ago> There's a lot of women who don't want to be chatted up who wear headphones This is true, but so is the opposite! I think the most important thing is to be kind and receptive. It's fine to start a conversation with a women wearing headphones, just take it in stride and don't be weird about it if she isn't interested in talking. I do this (with men and women) a lot. It is true that women are more likely to be approached by creeps, and due to the physical differences between the sexes women are at higher risk in such situations. That said, we shouldn't dismiss women as too delicate or whatever to chat with. They're people!
- angiolillo 4mo ago> It's fine to start a conversation with a women wearing headphones, just take it in stride and don't be weird about it if she isn't interested in talking. I do this (with men and women) a lot. Not sure where you're from, but where I live, headphones are a well-understood signal that someone would rather not engage in conversation at the moment. Some have been conditioned to placate the kind of people who deliberately ignore these signals by engaging in brief small talk rather than risking a confrontation, but this shouldn't be misconstrued as an interest in talking.
- poncho_romero 4mo agoEastern Canada, where people are generally easy going and friendly. I'd be surprised and disappointed to hear things are different elsewhere, but I don't have the lived experience to say one way or another.
- angiolillo 4mo agoI've lived in a few US cities, but the example of NYC comes to mind. New Yorkers are happy to lend a hand if you're lost, struggling with a stroller on the stairs, or something falls out of your bag. And they're happy to chat at a concert, club, farmer's market, sporting event, carnival, conference, convention, etc. But a stranger gesturing for you to take off your headphones while you're walking briskly down the street or riding the subway just so they can make smalltalk does not seem socially acceptable whether it's packed at rush hour or mostly empty at 1:00 in the morning.
- aiisjustanif 4mo agoI don’t think it is unpopular as much as it might need clarification of culture and location. There are some countries where genders tend to talk their similar presenting gender in public setting like transportation.