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I think some people are okay with communication that’s less involved. Like meme-y BSing where everyone involved knows everyone else is putting like 12% of their

I think some people are okay with communication that’s less involved. Like meme-y BSing where everyone involved knows everyone else is putting like 12% of their thinking power into sending a response. I don’t really enjoy that, so I find having that many threads stressful and annoying. I just take a hard line and will unilaterally downgrade communications (while politely letting the other party know). I have all my family group chats muted because my mom uses “Send” the way you’d use Enter on a desktop. End of a sentence? Send text. Next bullet point in a list? Send text. I muted the chats and told her that I want my ringer on in case there’s an emergency, but I got 30 something notifications in 5 minutes during an interview and it’s unfair to the candidate or other people in the meeting. Internally I rationalize it as revoking someone’s ability to make noises on my phone at whim. They can still text me, they just can’t interrupt me anymore. It helps a lot, even if only temporary. I’ve muted people for a few hours or a couple days before when I’m already stressed and they’re really chatty.

conductr 4mo ago
Agree. I mute every group chat and notifications for almost everything. Same reasoning. My wife just talks to me when something reaches a point of me needing to know. Broader holiday planning or group travel planning chatter, it seems like any family gathering requires a minimum of 1000 messages.
- everforward 4mo ago
  My SO does the same and it saves my butt sometimes, but I don't like it. It feels like I'm not really solving the issue and just making it her problem instead of mine, but she has a less strong response to the interruptions. She's certainly better at it though. I can't manage the interruptions, nor am I good about remembering to create calendar events and what not when events come up.
abustamam 4mo ago
As an aside to this I mute ALL notifications on my phone. I still get notifications of course, but they never ping or vibrate. For important threads like calls or messages from important people/group chats, I have my watch vibrate. Otherwise, I just go through my notifications once I have downtime.
- spockz 4mo ago
  I really like that system! How do you configure that only notifications from certain parties end up on the watch? As far as I can tell I can only filter on application. On iOS I can add “favourites” which get prio for calls and messages in Messages/Mail but not in other apps.
  - abustamam 4mo ago
    Yeah that's the iffy part tbh. I have a oneplus phone and watch and it is per-app on the watch. So in the app I have to configure which lines of comms are important (so like Signal is how my wife and I communicate so I get watch notifications for that, and I mute other group chats). And because my WhatsApp is pretty noisy, even with muted chats, I just opt not to get notifications on my watch, which has the consequence of me not being able to get WhatsApp call notifications, which honestly isn't the worst thing in the world :) It's not perfect, but it works for me.
faidit 4mo ago
We have to normalize being on silent all the time and making people wait hours for a response. Return to the primordial monkey of 1800s-era high-latency comms. At first, some people will be offended. "Why didn't you let me ping and buzz you and interrupt you all day? You didn't respond immediately each time :'((". Some people with unrealistic expectations may even stop talking to you entirely. But eventually (years maybe) they will get overwhelmed too. No one can handle this madness indefinitely. I've seen giga-texters get broken down and turn into lazy texters like me, or at least learn to tolerate my long response intervals and recognize it as a coping mechanism rather than rudeness.
- jawilson2 4mo ago
  I've told people this for years. The mode of communication reflects the urgency. If you text me, expect a response on the order of 3+ days. If you call, and I recognize the number, it will be more urgent. If I DON'T recognize it, it goes to voicemail and back in the 3+ days queue. If you show up at my door, it is immediate. Even with my wife, she will text while I'm at the grocery to pick up some extra food items, and it doesn't necessarily come through or I'm on silent. I'll get home, and she'll ask where the food is, and I ask why she didn't call if it was timely. I just do NOT check my texts that often, it isn't because I'm deliberately ignoring anyone.
  - WorldMaker 4mo ago
    The current trend seems to be switching the priority order of calls and texts among many of us. I feel like a call should be scheduled, preferably 3+ days out, and preferably with an agenda attached. (Same rules I feel about any sort of meeting.) But a direct text (non-group chat, just to me) is a priority. Group chats get that 1-2 days middle ground.
    - jawilson2 4mo ago
      I know that's the trend, but it is backwards to me. Like UDP vs TCP. If you need an immediate answer for something, why send a one-way communication where you have no idea whether the person on the other end A) received it, and B) acted on it. A 15 second phone call accomplishes this, whereas if I text you it could be hours, unless you immediately respond.
jaapz 4mo ago
I set my phone in do not disturb mode permanently. Only phone calls make it through. When I'm at home, only phone calls from important people make it through. It improved my life. Not by a huge amount, but enough to be worth it. People learned my responses might take a while. Most people don't care. Those that do.. tough shit

conductr 4mo ago

Agree. I mute every group chat and notifications for almost everything. Same reasoning. My wife just talks to me when something reaches a point of me needing to know. Broader holiday planning or group travel planning chatter, it seems like any family gathering requires a minimum of 1000 messages.

everforward 4mo ago
My SO does the same and it saves my butt sometimes, but I don't like it. It feels like I'm not really solving the issue and just making it her problem instead of mine, but she has a less strong response to the interruptions. She's certainly better at it though. I can't manage the interruptions, nor am I good about remembering to create calendar events and what not when events come up.

abustamam 4mo ago

As an aside to this I mute ALL notifications on my phone. I still get notifications of course, but they never ping or vibrate. For important threads like calls or messages from important people/group chats, I have my watch vibrate. Otherwise, I just go through my notifications once I have downtime.

spockz 4mo ago
I really like that system! How do you configure that only notifications from certain parties end up on the watch? As far as I can tell I can only filter on application. On iOS I can add “favourites” which get prio for calls and messages in Messages/Mail but not in other apps.
- abustamam 4mo ago
  Yeah that's the iffy part tbh. I have a oneplus phone and watch and it is per-app on the watch. So in the app I have to configure which lines of comms are important (so like Signal is how my wife and I communicate so I get watch notifications for that, and I mute other group chats). And because my WhatsApp is pretty noisy, even with muted chats, I just opt not to get notifications on my watch, which has the consequence of me not being able to get WhatsApp call notifications, which honestly isn't the worst thing in the world :) It's not perfect, but it works for me.

faidit 4mo ago

We have to normalize being on silent all the time and making people wait hours for a response. Return to the primordial monkey of 1800s-era high-latency comms. At first, some people will be offended. "Why didn't you let me ping and buzz you and interrupt you all day? You didn't respond immediately each time :'((". Some people with unrealistic expectations may even stop talking to you entirely. But eventually (years maybe) they will get overwhelmed too. No one can handle this madness indefinitely. I've seen giga-texters get broken down and turn into lazy texters like me, or at least learn to tolerate my long response intervals and recognize it as a coping mechanism rather than rudeness.

jawilson2 4mo ago
I've told people this for years. The mode of communication reflects the urgency. If you text me, expect a response on the order of 3+ days. If you call, and I recognize the number, it will be more urgent. If I DON'T recognize it, it goes to voicemail and back in the 3+ days queue. If you show up at my door, it is immediate. Even with my wife, she will text while I'm at the grocery to pick up some extra food items, and it doesn't necessarily come through or I'm on silent. I'll get home, and she'll ask where the food is, and I ask why she didn't call if it was timely. I just do NOT check my texts that often, it isn't because I'm deliberately ignoring anyone.
- WorldMaker 4mo ago
  The current trend seems to be switching the priority order of calls and texts among many of us. I feel like a call should be scheduled, preferably 3+ days out, and preferably with an agenda attached. (Same rules I feel about any sort of meeting.) But a direct text (non-group chat, just to me) is a priority. Group chats get that 1-2 days middle ground.
  - jawilson2 4mo ago
    I know that's the trend, but it is backwards to me. Like UDP vs TCP. If you need an immediate answer for something, why send a one-way communication where you have no idea whether the person on the other end A) received it, and B) acted on it. A 15 second phone call accomplishes this, whereas if I text you it could be hours, unless you immediately respond.

jaapz 4mo ago

I set my phone in do not disturb mode permanently. Only phone calls make it through. When I'm at home, only phone calls from important people make it through. It improved my life. Not by a huge amount, but enough to be worth it. People learned my responses might take a while. Most people don't care. Those that do.. tough shit