3 ms·

This is off topic, but I'm just curious. If you've been together for 17 years now, why are you not married? Many reasons ;-) * We're both atheists - so we don

This is off topic, but I'm just curious. If you've been together for 17 years now, why are you not married? Many reasons ;-) * We're both atheists - so we don't think any god(s) are going to be annoyed * We live in the UK so, at this point, living together without being married isn't frowned upon socially - not by anybody we care about anyway. There's also the slightly weird thing that at this point people just assume we are married unless the topic is brought up specifically. * Neither of us are particular fans of getting up in front of large groups of people so the whole "wedding day" concept isn't much of an attraction. Quite the opposite if anything. * No kids (by choice) so don't need to factor in that as an issue. * The whole needing state/peer approval for a relationship seems slightly weird to both of us. Our commitment is personal and private and doesn't need any external validation thank-you-very-much. * Personally we see staying together without marriage as a more positive statement about the state of our relationship. We're together because we want to be together - not because a divorce is too much effort. The only hassles have been around stuff related to medical care for relatives and each other (a few idiots are a little too strict about the definitions of family and need paperwork), along with a mild tax hit since we don't get the married couples allowance. At some point soonish we'll have to sort out some of the legal stuff around investments/wills, etc. - but most of that's already been dealt with with. If the UK's Civil Partnership arrangement was available to straight couples we might have gone for that - just to make the legal stuff simpler, but is isn't so we didn't. TL;DR - Why should we? ;-)

snowwrestler 14y ago
If we set aside religious and cultural reasons, there are often good legal and financial reasons to get married. I'm not familiar with UK law, but in the U.S. the main advantage is that the legal system is predisposed to offer spouses a whole raft of rights and powers that, absent marriage, need to be individually constructed via some complex legal maneuvering. You don't need to tell anyone you're married. Just schedule time at city hall and grab a couple of bystanders (or close friends) as witnesses.
- adrianhoward 14y ago
  You don't need to tell anyone you're married. Just schedule time at city hall and grab a couple of bystanders (or close friends) as witnesses. 1) It goes against stuff we both believe in - so no. 2) We've got a handle on the legal stuff. In the UK anyway it's not that big a deal for the way we live our lives (see http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relati... if you're curious) 3) Dude! I've been with a fantastic sexy woman I love for more than 17 years! She presumably quite likes me too. If you think for a second that I'm going to do anything that has the slightest chance of messing that up you are sadly mistaken ;-)
  - snowwrestler 14y ago
    Sorry, I addressed your last question as more of a general question--why should "anyone" get married, if they don't care about all the trappings. I don't really think that you should get married. My default on these sorts of personal issues is always "you should do whatever you want and believe in." :-) Thanks for the link; I'll take a look. In the U.S. there are some legal rights that are only available to spouses. (Which is why the fight for the legal recognition of same-sex marriage is so important.)

snowwrestler 14y ago

If we set aside religious and cultural reasons, there are often good legal and financial reasons to get married. I'm not familiar with UK law, but in the U.S. the main advantage is that the legal system is predisposed to offer spouses a whole raft of rights and powers that, absent marriage, need to be individually constructed via some complex legal maneuvering. You don't need to tell anyone you're married. Just schedule time at city hall and grab a couple of bystanders (or close friends) as witnesses.

adrianhoward 14y ago
You don't need to tell anyone you're married. Just schedule time at city hall and grab a couple of bystanders (or close friends) as witnesses. 1) It goes against stuff we both believe in - so no. 2) We've got a handle on the legal stuff. In the UK anyway it's not that big a deal for the way we live our lives (see http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relationships_living_together_marriage_and_civil_partnership_e/living_together_and_marriage_legal_differences.htm http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/england/relationships_e/relati... if you're curious) 3) Dude! I've been with a fantastic sexy woman I love for more than 17 years! She presumably quite likes me too. If you think for a second that I'm going to do anything that has the slightest chance of messing that up you are sadly mistaken ;-)
- snowwrestler 14y ago
  Sorry, I addressed your last question as more of a general question--why should "anyone" get married, if they don't care about all the trappings. I don't really think that you should get married. My default on these sorts of personal issues is always "you should do whatever you want and believe in." :-) Thanks for the link; I'll take a look. In the U.S. there are some legal rights that are only available to spouses. (Which is why the fight for the legal recognition of same-sex marriage is so important.)