4 ms·
She despises me for being gay. Not a chance I'm calling her.
by malfist 6mo ago
She despises me for being gay. Not a chance I'm calling her.
- rationalist 6mo agoI'm sorry :-(
- tempaccountabcd 6mo ago[dead]
- twiclo 6mo agoYou should call her
- Zambyte 6mo ago... why?
- llbbdd 6mo agoLol. Call her and put on a heavy lisp
- rationalist 6mo agoI contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice that they didn't ask for.
- mr-wendel 6mo agoHard disagree. Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds. Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt. -- Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.
- tombert 6mo agoI don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves. Kids don't owe their parents anything.
- signatoremo 6mo agoKids own their parents their very presence. Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.
- rationalist 6mo agoDo they really owe that? I think owing something should be contractual - they consent to owe something in a fair exchange. A person does not consent to being born. If someone treats you properly (raises you at least somewhat decently), you don't owe them anything, but you should feel an obligation to thank that person whether it's by saying thank you, or helping them later in their life when they need help.
- tombert 6mo agoNo one asked to be born. People are only born because their parents brought them into existence.
- general1465 6mo agoBecause their parents wanted to have a talking pet. Should have buy a parrot instead.
- tombert 6mo agoI think my parents were good parents. I like them. They were good parents who really wanted to take care of kids, and were active in mine and my sisters' lives. My wife's dad ran away when she was fifteen (and with two considerably younger siblings), without any attempt to contact them or pay child support. He's a douche, and I do not blame my wife at all for having no desire to take care of him when he's old. Her mom is very cool, and took care of four kids on a low income while still being active in all their lives. My wife will probably take care of her if she's unable to take care of herself. People like to act that if you share DNA with people you have to grovel to them. I think that's dumb.
- sgt 6mo agoGive her a call regardless. Perhaps that's the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.
- Trasmatta 6mo agoBad advice when you don't know the situation. It's never a child's job to fix an abusive parent.
- bossyTeacher 6mo ago> the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her. You clearly didn't read properly. It's the mom the one who doesn't care about her child. Calling her isn't going to change anything.
- rationalist 6mo agoDespising someone for something doesn't automatically mean that person doesn't care about someone. Calling might not change anything, but that doesn't mean that change couldn't happen another way.
- malfist 6mo agoMy mother has said she would prefer I die by suicide than continue living in sin. I am deeply shameful to her. I will not call her. It benefits neither of us.
- sgt 6mo agoHave you considered she got so emotional she went completely overboard? It's not unheard of, and parents like that regret what they said but they don't have the ability to rectify it alone. So it's on you to try.
- RF_Enthusiast 6mo agoNot all moms are good people. People with good moms often have trouble understanding or respecting that.
- dyauspitr 6mo agoEvery parent in Asia would despise their son if they were gay. That does not make them bad parents.
- squigz 6mo agoYes it does.
- Trasmatta 6mo agoThis is patently and absurdly false.
- smt88 6mo agoHating your child for the genes you gave them absolutely makes you a bad parent.
- pixel_popping 6mo agoLiterally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia). Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture. And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.
- dyauspitr 6mo agoThose are your morals though. There’s no reason other groups of people have to abide by it. You can force it militarily if you want, but that’s about it. Other groups think divorce is one of the biggest sins, but you continue to do it. Other people think dedicating your life to consumerism is the biggest evil. Why is child marriage and opposition to non biological sexual relations that different (for what it’s worth I’m totally against child marriage and completely for people to sleep with whoever they want to). It’s all relative. You’re trapped in your headspace, listen to me closely IT’S ALL RELATIVE. Just say that’s the way you want the world to be, not some unassailable universal truth.
- bassrattle 6mo agoShe can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps
- tombert 6mo agoMy mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic things to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life. People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option. Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right". People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.
- malfist 6mo agoI'm sorry, but that's bullshit. Being gay isn't "something I do" it's "something I am"
- AH4oFVbPT4f8 6mo agoI don't know you, but I'm happy that you get to be you. If you wouldn't be friends with your family members, then why would you spend time with them? As far as parents go, they chose to have me, I didn't choose them. Not all people are good, and just because you are related to them doesn't mean it's healthy to have them in your life. Enjoy your day!
- malfist 6mo agoThank you, for your empathy, it is always appreciated.