4 ms·

Humblebrag masquerading as self-reflection.

Paracompact 5mo ago
Eh, kinda. But there was enough self-deprecation there that it doesn't leave a bad taste in my mouth, and I consider this a genuine reflection. > Why did I need validation from my org chart? > Pretty quickly realized I was being kind of a bitch. > I have a bad case of Why Not Me syndrome. These cut deeper than faux modesty and are clearly insecurities. It's the rebelling of a sensible superego against an id hungry for validation, and the author doesn't downplay either of the two. But yes, I'm sure he also gets a perverse thrill out of advertising his achievement, even if he intends to disparage it. It's a complicated psyche I'm rather familiar with.
- holden_nelson 5mo ago
  Thanks for the charitable read. Yeah, it's not like the part of my personality I'm lamenting has just gone away ;) I did have a hard time writing this post because I'm not under the delusion that what I achieved is truly grand or worth posting on HN about. It was more meant to be a reflection on a mistake I made: setting a bad goal and then fixating on it. But yes, I feel a small tinge in my brain whenever I'm introduced as a "senior engineer". I'll know I've truly made it when that finally goes away.
gerdesj 5mo ago
I think that's rather unkind. From my perspective: it looks like a coming of age ... blinking into adulthood sort of voyage of discovery.
- Esophagus4 5mo ago
  Nicely said.
holden_nelson 5mo ago
Oh man. That means I'm _so_ obsessed with my new title that I've gone meta and found a sneaky, disingenuous way to brag about it on HN. Thanks for pointing that out. I must have a serious personality disorder. I should probably see a shrink
- iamwil 5mo ago
  You didn't need to say anything. Plenty of people would have stepped up to defend you. Now, the sarcasm looks defensive. This could be another blog post in a couple months.
  - holden_nelson 5mo ago
    Yeah, you're probably right. Sorry. Writing and sharing it is vulnerable, and it's always drove me crazy to see people treat those who choose to do that uncharitably. I try to check them when I can (on other people's posts). I should trust others in this context to do the same. I should probably develop a thicker skin if I'm going to blog on the internet in 2026.
- johnfn 5mo ago
  Insecurity is behind comments like these. Don’t worry about them.

Eh, kinda. But there was enough self-deprecation there that it doesn't leave a bad taste in my mouth, and I consider this a genuine reflection. > Why did I need validation from my org chart? > Pretty quickly realized I was being kind of a bitch. > I have a bad case of Why Not Me syndrome. These cut deeper than faux modesty and are clearly insecurities. It's the rebelling of a sensible superego against an id hungry for validation, and the author doesn't downplay either of the two. But yes, I'm sure he also gets a perverse thrill out of advertising his achievement, even if he intends to disparage it. It's a complicated psyche I'm rather familiar with.

holden_nelson 5mo ago
Thanks for the charitable read. Yeah, it's not like the part of my personality I'm lamenting has just gone away ;) I did have a hard time writing this post because I'm not under the delusion that what I achieved is truly grand or worth posting on HN about. It was more meant to be a reflection on a mistake I made: setting a bad goal and then fixating on it. But yes, I feel a small tinge in my brain whenever I'm introduced as a "senior engineer". I'll know I've truly made it when that finally goes away.

gerdesj 5mo ago

I think that's rather unkind. From my perspective: it looks like a coming of age ... blinking into adulthood sort of voyage of discovery.

Esophagus4 5mo ago
Nicely said.

holden_nelson 5mo ago

Oh man. That means I'm _so_ obsessed with my new title that I've gone meta and found a sneaky, disingenuous way to brag about it on HN. Thanks for pointing that out. I must have a serious personality disorder. I should probably see a shrink

iamwil 5mo ago
You didn't need to say anything. Plenty of people would have stepped up to defend you. Now, the sarcasm looks defensive. This could be another blog post in a couple months.
- holden_nelson 5mo ago
  Yeah, you're probably right. Sorry. Writing and sharing it is vulnerable, and it's always drove me crazy to see people treat those who choose to do that uncharitably. I try to check them when I can (on other people's posts). I should trust others in this context to do the same. I should probably develop a thicker skin if I'm going to blog on the internet in 2026.
johnfn 5mo ago
Insecurity is behind comments like these. Don’t worry about them.